There We Are Then - part 4, but episode 278946, probably.

[mummy917]

For anyone who is still offering messages of hope, wisdom and general loveliness 🥰

Thanks, @StandingDeskDisco, I have no idea how this works. So if the court orders so much maintenance, it is not the CMS which enforces it? (Sorry if that's a stupid question.)

yes I have read that the CMS can enforce court-ordered maintenance

She's in rented I think. IIRC there was mention of asking the landlord to remove twat from the tenancy.

My home is rented. He’s no longer on the tenancy agreement and hasn’t been since June.

I mentioned mediation to him again today as he’s booked a concert for the end of October on his weekend and asked if I’d help 🤣 this man has no shame but seemingly plenty of money to waste.

Ohhh I do hope you said no 🤞🏻🤞🏻

He really doesn’t!! How did he respond to the suggestion? Has he mentioned how he’s covering his mum’s absence next week? I spend far too much of my time wondering what the TWAT is up to. I even deleted my Mumsnet account to cure myself of my over investment in this thread, but have had to rejoin with a different user name 😂. I have to say, you are totally owning this!

i mean at what point do you stop saying ‘there we are then’ and just call him a teat to his face! What a loser

I used my mum’s one liner of “what do you think?” 🤣 he wasn’t impressed but it’s tough. I’d be more than willing to help him out if it worked both ways and there was mutual respect, but there isn’t a single ounce of it from his side.

He must be really p**d off that you are standing up to him now @mummy917 . Good for you .

Ha op he really gets better and better he obviously doesn’t understand his parenting commitments does he. Good for you keep repeating your mums words. No one should arrange a concert until they have childcare in place. He obviously has money when it suits him. Good for you op standing up to him he must have been raging. Op you’re getting so much stronger.

I was going to say Unbelievable but it isn't really is it. It is who he is.

I would love to be a fly on the wall when they go through financials in court. Things he can’t afford: mattresses for children, potties, school uniform, haircuts at usual frequency. Things he can afford: several £400 tattoo sessions and concert tickets. A demand for 50/50 that is purely financially motivated as it’s all about about ‘protecting his free time’. What an absolute deadbeat.

Spot on @YourOliveBalonz

Good for you OP! I wish I'd put my foot down right from the start instead of being a doormat for the last 12 years.

Men like our exes seem to think that, for them, parenting is something that happens when they have no other/better plans.

My home is rented. He’s no longer on the tenancy agreement and hasn’t been since June.

In which case there may be no marital assets to speak of, and no need for a court financial order.
If that is so, is there any way a court child maintenance order can take account of his accumulated debt to you? If not, there is no realistic prospect of getting your money back (assuming the small claims court is a non-starter).

Speak to your solicitor about this. It may be that you have to write off everything he owes you. If that is the case, it is important to know that going forward you just won't get his half back that you spend on the kids. Another strategy will be needed.

You should still get a court maintenance order (not just CMS) and a court contact order with specified days and pick-up times (not just CMS counting nights and ignoring days).

Oh come on @mummy917 your ex has absolutely every right to go to a concert on his weekend.
In the company of four children, that is. What a great experience for them to see live music and make memories with their dad 😉

@mummy917 is this guy the least self aware human walking the earth? 🤯

What a bellend!

@mummy917

He really is the gift that keeps giving! He really is a slow learner, isn’t he?! 😂

Perfect response, that line is going to get a lot of use me thinks! I wonder if his mum had already said no… 🤔

Do we place bets on whether he also asks your mum? 😂

So he is still choosing to prioritise tatoos and concerts over paying you what he owes for mattresses, school uniform, clothes etc.

He couldn't care less, could he?

He really doesn't seem to have got the hang of this 50:50 thing yet, does he?!

Well done OP standing up to this pathetic man-child. I can just hear him “but i want to go to the concert” tantrum!!! He can’t afford “children bedding/clothes” but a fcuking concert he really is a despicable human being. You are so well shot of him. I presume his mummy said NO to watching kids for his night out at a concert so he thought he’d try and bully you into doing his night - so glad you stood up to him & stopped letting him take the pizz out of you and i love your mum im going to adopt her saying too - what a pair of legends you & your mum have both turned out to be.

I hope he’s sweating about childcare and his concert clashing. Really sweating and that it’s taken the shine off for him.

And of course, the TWAT has already booked the concert. Not got in touch with you before hand, explained he'd really like to go and asked if there's a weekend you'd like to do something and be happy to swap with him to enable him to go.

Oh no, I've booked this, I expect you to help!

My eyes can't roll any further out of my head when I read his antics.

I would be tempted to spell it out: “When you respect me and have respect for my time and money, and are willing to co-operate in the children’s best interest, we can talk about flexibility. While you continue to push boundaries at every opportunity, take my money and under-provide for our kids financially, emotionally, and in consistency, you can forget it. Your time, your problem.”

@mummy917 you have the patience of a saint, honestly.

Cute! I agree it’s a lovely family day out ☺️ #makingmemories