There We Are Then - part 4, but episode 278946, probably.

[mummy917]

For anyone who is still offering messages of hope, wisdom and general loveliness 🥰

Yip agree ! It would be the end of 50/50 as if it’s not his mother he has babysitting its op he leaves it all too. OP is paying for everything so he certainly isn’t doing 50/50 in financial terms . All he is doing is building up debt to op.

Not forgetting Mum's eloquently disapproving zinger

"What do you think?"
😂

I’ve told him, in writing, that I’ll be back in touch with my solicitor if he messes about next week, trying to be clever and I end up having to take unpaid leave from work. I have told him I’m serious about taking this as far as I need to and he can kiss goodbye to 50/50 if he thinks it’s acceptable to ensure I don’t go to work, just so he doesn’t have to have the twins on his day because his mum is away. I will fight him all the way because our children are little people who do not deserve to be used as pawns in his pathetic attempts to get at me.

Your message is clear and unequivocal. Excellent mummy 917.
To make up for his unpaid leave next Wednesday, will he have to work this Friday? A shorter weekend this week AND a day of looking after the twins on his own next week? Welcome to the real world of parenting There We Are Then.

Brilliant, and yes, isn’t it exactly the same energy!

You rock, OP!

Echo that!

I have just caught up on this thread. OP you are marvellous.

Well done, you have been adjusting to your new life and obviously hoping he would step up. Now he is showing his true colours, you are 100% right to stand your ground. We are all there cheering you on. You do a very important job and cant just take unplanned days off to suit him.

My Lord, lady! You’ve found the balls he doesn’t have!! Proud of you!!

Well done OP!

Excellent, hope your message gives him pause for thought going forward..
He should just admit, because he’s hopeless that he can’t manage to have them 50% of the time… we all know he’s doing it to avoid paying you anything, he’s not even paying half for the things he should be.
Shame he can’t go around in sack cloth ringing a bell to alert everyone what a total waste of space he is…

You said earlier that you feel he will buckle when his Mum stops picking up the slack, you seem to have a good relationship with her, have you considered having an honest chat with her and saying that you feel he is the one that needs to do this? Perhaps gently suggest her just stepping back for even a month or so and tell her that its better to see how he comes now than a year or two down the line.

You could even make out its for his benefit, so he learns how to manage and doesnt get in this situation with holiday again. Maybe a month completely solo so he knows he can do it alone and next time isnt a scramble.

Honestly the quicker he realises that when he has to do the work, 50/50 is no good, the better. So then the kids and you can get into the real long term routine.

How often does he himself have the kids completely alone? Will he have them solo next week from Wednesday to Sunday? I can't remember the set up

Go @mummy917! Inspiring to see the warrior woman in action and that's just what he needs to hear.

Well done!

You have given him ample opportunity to step up/step into the role of a half decent father but time and time again he has let you down, both financially and emotionally. He prioritised a tatoo over school uniform, that tells you everything about the person he is.

Absolutely follow through with your solicitor, time to get the big guns out and start formal proceedings against him.

Excellent work! You're where I eventually got to with my ex, though it took me YEARS to get to this. We're actually in an ok place now, once he eventually realised I wasn't going to let him take the piss any more, he did step up. I'm hoping you get to that place soon with TWAT.

He only seems to have the kids completely on his own, every other Saturday and Sunday (unless his mum helps him with that too and I don’t know about it). She’s had them the majority of his Fridays as he’s had things “booked in” 🙄.

I couldn’t even look at him this morning when we did the handover of the twins.

His Mum will wise up to enabling him. I don't think it's the OP's place to suggest that she steps back, her priority is always going to be her son after all.

I wouldn't be instigating any gentle chats with his mother. He's still her son and she might relay conversations back to him which he'll then twist as OP trying to control him via his mum.

Absolutely this. ⬆️

His mum will eventually tire of providing this level of childcare.

Please do not share any information with her, particularly once a solicitor is involved. In situations like this, even the most innocent comment can have serious repercussions. Keep your cards close to your chest and play your aces when he least expects it.

Does he pose any danger - If he resents the situation?

@mummy917 You are amazing.

So while his mum is away how much extra is he going to have to do?

I wouldn't be surprised if his mum is involved in the weekend too. Has the older one never said anything they get up to whilst at their dad's?

you seem to have a good relationship with her, have you considered having an honest chat with her and saying that you feel he is the one that needs to do this? Perhaps gently suggest her just stepping back for even a month or so and tell her that its better to see how he comes now than a year or two down the line.

I utterly and completely disagree with this. While his mum is helping out, thus seeming helpful, (and she does seem to be sympathetic to @mummy917), she is still the TWAT's mother, and will always be his ally.

It's really overstepping the mark to even consider having this kind of conversation with her. If she hasn't already realised, she very definitely will over the next few weeks of being taken advantage of by her son.

Did he respond? or attempt to discuss it at pick up @mummy917 ?

it must be awful for you having to have any kind of face-to-face contact with this utterly pathetic man, especially after having to get angry with him.