There We Are Then - part 4, but episode 278946, probably.

[mummy917]

For anyone who is still offering messages of hope, wisdom and general loveliness 🥰

Read and I agree with you.

I think this is highly likely - and if his Mum reduces her childcare help, then he's going to get a nasty dose of reality.

i suppose you could get DCs to strip off as they arrive on his doorstep….. (joke)
it would be worth seeing the wrath on his face

TherapistInATabard · Today 08:24
I’m only reading your posts, so don’t know if anyone else has asked this, but are you sure he asked his employer about short notice time off in the past? It wouldn’t surprise me if he just told you he had and they said no.
I agree...I bet he hasn't ever asked them!
BTW I hope I read your name wrong and it's Therapist...! LOL

@Musntapplecrumble - I'm assuming @TherapistInATabard is an avid fan of "The Archers", and particularly of Susan "Radio" Carter, a character who is played by someone who is also a psychologist in her alternative life.

I’ve not commented on any of @mummy917 threads but have silently supported her all the way, and been in shock at most of what TWAT has done and is still doing.
I bookmark where I’ve read up to (most days!) and leave the thread tab always open in my phone, so I can catch up and carry on with my admiration and support of this warrior of a woman.

I'll eat my hat if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that he doesn't actually want to look after his own children and be a dad to them 50/50 at all.

He only insisted on it so he wouldn't have to pay maintenance to the OP, but now those little old chickens are starting to come home to roost and it must surely be beginning to dawn on him that having the kids 50/50 means that he is 100% responsible for them when it's his turn.

Totally agree

Well, you may find out soon. If you stick to your guns about picking up his slack and his mum starts doing the same, you'll soon know whether or not he can take short notice leave for childcare issues.

And I'd bet a doughnut he can.

I don’t doubt for a second that he’d be able to. Probably just another crock of rubbish he’s told me at the time, so he could pass the buck straight to me as per.

There is something in this @mummy917

He will be playing the same game, not letting you know, causing last minute disruptions to you merely for "the win" and leaving it all up to you whenever he can, because he is now doing the parenting that he didn't want to contribute to at home.

its not a Win as he thinks, becuase his DM, his go to caregiver, is already beginning to see through it. He's also losing out on flexibility because here's no give and take from his side so that does'nt work.
He is his first priority. He may think that's a great choice but that's only because he doesn't comprehend what he is missing out on having a proper relationship with his children and how it will affect what they think about him as they grow up.
So his Wins are actually his loss and he's engineered it.

So I think its in your and DCs best interest to let him fully experience the realityy of 50 50 and hopefully he will give up demanding it. Short term pain for long term gain. It won't really be pain, it will be him doing what he has to and ignoring the finer details, but they have you to do that on your time so I dont think they will suffer for it. Then your DC can officially spend more time with the parent who has consistently, cared for, and made them a priority and his deficiencies won't matter.

But it isn't short notice, he has known for some time that his mum will be away. He has had plenty of time to arrange annual leave or alternative child care.

Absolutely do not step in and cover for him. This is the reality of the 50/50 he wanted, his job no longer takes priority over yours.

Spot on.

I won’t be doing a single thing to help him out next Wednesday. It’s his own issue to solve. He’s even had the audacity to text my mum and ask her if she’d have the twins. She replied “what do you think?” 🤣

You and your mum are both legends 💪🏻 see who you take tour being a strong woman after. Good for your mum. Continue to let this be his problem.

His audacity knows no bounds

What a stupid cunt. He's excelled himself by asking your mum. He must live in some kind of parallel universe.

Is there any way you can get your mum or dad to drop the kids off at his on that Wednesday as it sounds like he’d be less likely to refuse to accept them from your parents than from you @mummy917

What was his plan? If his mum hadn't told OP?
I know I'm trying to make sense where there is none.
Your mum sounds brilliant, OP. I think you've got some of her sass in you, that's finding it's way out 😂. You'll be just fine x

Just a thought - has he ever yet had the twins for a day on his own without the older two around to help him??? 😂😂😂

He thought he'd be able to just tell @mummy917 she'd have to skip work and look after her own children 😂. He'd say that with no qualms and a straight face because he's nasty and always looking to make life easier for himself. He's the boss, don't you know? 😘

And because he still really thinks this is her job 😂😂😂

He’s unbelievable. Rocks up early on his drop off day in order to wake OP from her sleep after getting into bed at 3am (which he knew) just so he could go to the gym. Deliberately plans to refuse to have the kids on his day, without notice, because his own mother is away and unavailable to care for them, so deliberately plans to prevent OP from going to work at the last minute, jeopardising her relationship with boss and colleagues and her whole job. Plans to simply refuse admission to his children into his house, presumably, just so he can spite their mother. Gives out abuse to his STBXMiL. Gives out abuse to OP. Then expects one or both of them to pick up his shit after him.

What the hell is wrong with him!?

He’s definitely in the ‘find out’ phase of his unpleasant, bullying ‘fuck around’ behaviour, isn’t he? Oh, if only he’d behaved like a caring and reasonable person from the start of the separation, he might find that he had some goodwill left available to call on. I wonder if that’s starting to dawn on him, or if he’s still an angry, hate-filled ball of resentful ignorance.

Jeez. He’s the gift who keeps on giving isn’t he!!!
The audacity of texting your mum!!

I'm truly gobsmacked that he had the nerve to ask your mum!

This is the reality of 50:50. With a straight face, tell him he needs to update his employer ref his change in personal circumstances (he will hate that!) so they are aware there will be times when he needs time off, short notice or not, busy or not.