There We Are Then - part 4, but episode 278946, probably.

[mummy917]

For anyone who is still offering messages of hope, wisdom and general loveliness 🥰

My Irish nan…. not while there’s dogs in the streets!
Back when there were actual dogs in the streets…

I agree that @mummy917 doesnt need to be worrying what he gets them but I really do think that she needs to make it clear that they will not be sharing Xmas, so he has to get his own gifts, arrange his own celebrations etc. He wouldnt be the first to assume he can just piggyback off whatever she buys/arranges.

Once that point is firmly made, back right off and let him get on with it.

Maybe he’ll get the kids tattoos….

I read a very interesting study that says that to move on you need one month per each year that you’ve been in the relationship. It was true in my case!

Yep it was pretty accurate for me too.

it good you recognise and aren’t doing things just to make ex jealous or win the break up. You do your things in your own time if and when you feel ready and want to. But always good to have a little flirt to boost your confidence a little

I’ve never been the sort of person to try and make anyone jealous, and even if I was, I think it’d be pretty futile with my ex considering he cannot stand me 🤣

Yeah I felt flattered but absolutely nowhere near ready to even entertain something with anyone.

@mummy917 He’ll still be jealous, mate. You’re supposed to be fading away without him while he blooms and thrives.

sooooo sad it’s the other way round 🥺🤭

Yeah this.

Because how fucking DARE you move on from him?!!!

You are supposed to be his blubbering desperate back-up that will take him back the second he shouts. The knowledge that you tolerate him purely for the kids has sent him into a total tail spin.

And that is why he utterly despises you. Because you have not only managed without him but you have survived, thrived and are having a far better life without him!

He wanted you doing the pick-me dance and you just said "ok, off you pop then".

He'd still be jealous and probably furious too. My ExH left for the OW, and he was still furious when I met my now DP six months later.

It damages their fragile ego when they discover you can cope, thrive, and be happy without them, and that they are actually replaceable.

I definitely think you need to do the freedom programme.

💐I am full of admiration for the way you have coped with all of this so far OP.
You are a woman of enormous strength and unselfish love for your children.

Going forward - you would probably benefit from support to help with things like:

• feeling afraid/distressed when you have to deal directly with your ex. This can be tackled!
• feeling that you must get him to be (or just appear to be) a better parent. This is not your role because you are not his parent... and because he would be unable to learn from you anyway. (His pride would not allow it. even if he could see that you are right.)
• trying to take up the slack whenever your ex lets your DC down. You don't really have the power to do this. I think that he is going to fail them in the future but however desperately you try, you won't always be able to make up for - or cover this. (Although seeing suffer his failings will be very painful for you - don't pretend to them that he isn't failing. Help them find ways to cope with being disappointed or let down. This is the thing you can do for them and it will help them for other trials in life too.)

Do what feels best for you op.

Yeah it’s understandable not to want to enter into anything else any time soon. To be honest it would probably make him worse too. Not becuse he cares but because these sorts of men still see you as property and even if they are the ones to put you down they don’t like it if another man picks you up. More trouble than it’s worth.

Woke up this morning and thought - "it's tattoo day". Good grief, indication I'm invested in your story, OP.

Hope you are OK!

Same, and then I thought that I hope to see the twattoo on one of those Facebook pages for tattoos that went wrong!

@mummy917 I hope you’ve had a good week and that you have a fun weekend with the kids. I also hope the tattoo was painful and the artist developed a shaky hand halfway through 😂.

Ha ha just caught up on messages - yes today was tattoo day 🤣 I hope it’s worth another £400 that could’ve been put towards other things but it is what it is. I have gotten some of the school uniform money but not half, only £30. Better than nothing but have also kept a log of that too.

It’s been a busy week here and the twins are having a little birthday tea party tomorrow so I’ve been doing all the prep tonight for that. Hope everyone else has had a lovely week 😊 also, I’ve had to put my heating on for the first time tonight. It’s freezing!

Heating ! I wish , Im currently sitting in bed with 3 fans going .

You last message just shows how far you’ve come! Yes, brief update on twatoo but far more about what you and the children are up to. You are so close to indifference!

@mummy917

Happy birthday to the twins! Hope it goes well!

(Heating?! 🤯 😂)

Hi op I hope your twins have a great birthday will twatface be making an appearance for them or is his freedom more important than his kids. He is being really tight with paying you his share for his children, imagine if you were him and him you he would be not be happy with you not contributing towards the kids and going off for a tattoo instead. Thankfully you were always the main parent in this family who understands your children always come first. You are doing amazing.

Thank you all! I actually let rip with him today and told him a lot of home truths and for the first time I think, ever, I didn’t feel anxious/upset whilst or after doing it.

No he won’t be here tomorrow, I am looking forward to celebrating the twins’ birthday with my family and closest friends. He hasn’t been invited and if he wishes to do something for their birthday, then he knows where the supermarkets are to get what he needs to host his own little tea party.

Did I imagine this, or was tattoo day originally 4 Sept not 11th? Not that it matters @mummy917 just my brain being like a sieve

No you didn’t imagine it, that’s when he initially booked it for, but he had to rearrange it as he had the kids last Friday. Oh well 🤷‍♀️