The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I’m so sorry your kids’ dad isn’t fit - for all of you. My kids’ Dads’ (married twice) were not fit to have the kids - I chose so well a 2nd time still ha! It’s hard - it’s scary that you had kids with them I have thought before - but the kids wouldn’t be here without that choice of mine so it’s not for regretting.

I never thought I’d cope day 1 - I sat looking at 4 kids, including a 6 week old and was like ‘fuck what is gonna happen’ - I can recall it so well -we are all still here nearly 33 years on so we got by - and after a while it got to be fun too - and I found soace for fun as well here and there.

I honestly think raising them solo was easier - yes I was fed up mowing the lawn or doing everything at times - but I could do it in my own way and had no resentment for a lazy ass guy not doing lol.

It will get better though it’s all shite today 💐💐

Update with Mr T - saw him last night - I think we are definitely on track to continue- not sure what we are still but we definitely are enjoying it and want to keep on going. This may reduce my comms anxiety I think - which I never reveal except here haha!

This wasn’t a sit down talk, or structured thing - here and there chats - bit beer driven but all same in cold light of hanging day so that’s ok! I just can’t adult of course yet lol - talks as such don’t and won’t happen - think he’s on the same page there haha - 2 kids together - we will see then!

Thank you though for all support on here - definitely helps save me sending deranged texts or being arsy in person with him!

@MsJinks thanks for the comments on crashing x

Glad you had a not-chat. It is hard to live with uncertainty but I guess the alternative is staying single...you deserve this to work out 💜

This sounds excellent! And after all you have been through.... You absolutely deserve this!! ❤️❤️❤️

Maybe, in a strange way, there is a positive to take from the experience with Planes. You clearly had great chemistry (even though the sex itself wasn't brilliant) and a strong connection......

So that shows you are still able to find that level of connection, despite everything that has happened in the past, so in a way it sets a high bar? - Hopefully you will find that again, but with someone who actually has his shit together, and treats you as you deserve......

Meanwhile I suppose I ought to give an update on my love life - or lack thereof!

Still messaging Mr Cricket. We haven't fixed a second date yet as my daughter is with me till the end of next week, and he said he'd prefer to fix a date nearer the time. Which is fine.

We are exchanging a few messages a day. He's a nice guy, very clever, very interesting, also quite down to earth. I'd say of all the guys I have had first dates with in this last round of dating (14 I think!) he is by far the best suited to me. No red flags that I can see.

I'm just not all that excited about it! If he ghosted me today, I'd be a bit surprised, but honestly not deeply bothered by it.....

Still struggling with some returning feelings for my daughter's dad. He rang just this morning, just for a chat, and I was more excited to see his name come up on my phone than I would be by Mr Cricket's....

We are all taking my mom away for a short break next weekend - DD, me, BD, ExH and is mum, and my mom. It's primarily been arranged for my mom's benefit (her first trip away since dad died). Our two families have remained close, they were a big part of dad's funeral for example, so it's not as weird as it sounds..... But I guess it will give me a chance to really think about what I want, and also perhaps talk to him about it..... If he's not remotely interested any more than in a way that would make things easier - I can just cross him off the mental list. But if he is, then I guess I have a lot of soul-searching to do.....

I think you are approaching it with the perfect attitude - just really enjoying it for what it is!

Because even if it doesn't lead to anything (and it might not - but on the other hand it might ....) you can still just enjoy every second for what it is..... It shows you you are still capable of feeling attracted, and excited, and enjoying dating and have fun!

Honestly, it's a win/win, as far as I can see ....

I hope so...I feel like I'm doing it all wrong at the moment.

I have about ten chats going on and they are so boring.
They include a guy wanting to date who doesn't like to go out 😅

Oh - so you just visit each other for a cup of tea then? 👀

Having said that I have known a few folk who just went round and never returned home basically - younger and more so in real ice meets than online.

I want some level of external amusement as well as their company though - we also deserve to be treated well - and a night on the sofa is unlikely to be that.

Boring chats are the pits - I feel your pain - odd how some just spark so easily. Fingers crossed you get one of those very soon, or more than one really!

I want some level of effort and to be out and about together, at least at the start!

Funnily one of my earliest irons just liked me on fb. I can't remember his iron name but he dragged his feet/changed his mind about second date (I can't remember).

Managed to bag myself a date this afternoon, just a dog walk at a country park but ideal to suss him and things out. I’ll call him Mr Strummer. Chatting online for a couple of days and seem to have the same humour and outlook so we’ll see how this goes. He’s not my usual type physically- quite rough around the edges, more so than I normally like anyway but he seems like an upbeat and no-nonsense kind of guy.

Im not sure if I updated since I asked my previous iron/date if he wants to meet up after he’s back from his travels. He said yes, so we’ll see if he follows through with it.

Well done @empirebiscuits12 😁 hope it goes well xxx

The iron whose name I forgot unmatched me when I asked if he was planning a fab second date 😅

So much for that! We spent a lot of time together this weekend and when I was sat next to him he had a hinge profile open on his phone 🤬

Mr M used to do things like this... He would sit next to me messaging on WhatsApp and it would be "woman's name - Hinge".

So sorry this happened to you!

Thank you. I expect he did it on purpose I was literally right next to him - what a coward. There was loads I didn't think were great loving a home, and non-job etc. I need a strick list and stick to it!!!

Oh what an arse. That was a test.

What did you do?

Planes used to do it with his harem.

Disrespectful.

At the time I did nothing and just left, which I was due to do. I have just called him and told him it is not cool. He was apologetic but he doesn't get another chance.

Well I’ve been for my country park date with Mr Strummer, and unfortunately there won’t be a second date.

He talked about himself the entire time and I could barely get a word in. Whenever I did manage to say something he would butt in and bring it back to himself, or completely interrupt me to point out something/someone in the park.

He also spent a lot of time giving it the whole “I’m not like other guys” speeches. Apparently all other men are chancers or arseholes, but not him.

He asked me one question during the entire 90 minutes. He asked “what do you work as again? Hairdresser?” I’m a nurse and I’d already told him this over message.

He has clearly shaved at least 5 years off his age. And his photos are clearly outdated. I’m normally very good at spotting old photos of men who think that was when they were in their prime.

I messaged him when I got home and said the usual “nice meeting you, had a nice time etc”. And was honest by telling him there was no spark for me. He responded by telling me it wasn’t the best environment for a date and we should plan a proper date. Oh, and he said he wished he had kissed me.

I’m feeling seriously deflated.

@empirebiscuits12Sorry to hear that Empire. Good on us though for having firm and clear expectations and boundaries and not taking any nonsense!

So sorry. Thank goodness he didn't try to kiss you!

And he didn't even listen when you said no second date.

You don't need a man stuck on transmit.

I bought tickets for a gig in Nov for me and planes. If he's single should I ask him if he still wants to come?

Absolutely not