The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Ilovelurchers I like the sound of him!!

Mr Hat is the polar opposite of people I usually find attractive (truth be told I let out a little "ugh" when I first saw him in the pub). But he has an incredible smile and his lovely personality makes him so much more attractive to me.

Definitely don't write him off!

Speaking of... He's meeting some of my friends this weekend and I'm intrigued as to their reaction.

@Ilovelurchers your post about cheating on the previous thread, I found very insightful, a thought provoking reflection. Bravo 😘
Sounds like your date went well, dont rule out attraction yet, I wasnt instantly attracted to my DP, which was unusual for me, but it grew over a few weeks of us conversing and now were past a year and a half and I still cannot keep my hands off him (and visa versa!) So that instant "spark" isnt always a thing. However I think after a few dates if nothing then review xxx

Hope alls well everyone! Tried to catch up a bit but tricky to do so 🙈 ive been enjoying summer with the kids so not really had chance to browse til late and by then I am shattered and just go to bed!

@OneShyQuail lovely to see you posting 💖glad you're having a good summer.

@Ilovelurchers so lovely, I think the bones are there and I also think give it a couple more dates if you can. Maybe you'll be friends if nothing else? Maybe the missing spark is just missing because he is straightforward?

You don't have to do what Planes claimed to have done with his most recent ex (she was "very physically attractive" doncha know) and date for three months before SHE announced she didn't fancy him.

She's not all that - just a normal looking woman a bit older than me but thinner, naturally, and inevitably still in touch.

@Nosdacariadthanks for new thread. @Ilovelurchers is Mr Cricket the man you met at the cancelled speed dating? He sounds promising. Hard to know what will/ won’t grow no harm in waiting to see. The expectations are so hard on a first date. The weird thing between date 1 and 2 is very telling.

@AlwaysCarrieSATCI’ve only used Bumble but I quite like it.
@empirebiscuits12Mr Highlander might be a nice little slow burning iron in the fire. Maybe more smouldering?
Had more lovely time over the weekend with Mr Spanner. Met his friend this weekend. Nice to see him in context. Still smitten.

@duckingclueless good news about 🔧

Thanks i will give Bumble a try.

How long have you been seeing Mr Spanner? Sounds like it’s going well x

Interesting about Mr H. And I definitely have known attraction to grow a few times in the past. One of my exes, I was friends with him for years without the least attraction, had a drunken shag and suddenly was head over heels in love ....

I definitely wouldn't rule out fancying Mr Cricket - he's a clever guy but also reassuringly down to earth (swears a lot). And once or twice I had that weird sensation where the other person says exactly what you were just thinking. (When he said that class prejudice seems to be the last remaining form of prejudice it's consideres completely socially acceptable to voice - which is something I bang on about all the time, especially at work...)

And when his ex wife came up in conversation he a) didn't go into too much detail and b) made a point of stressing that she is an absolutely excellent mother and he will always respect her for that. That definitely won him some points in my eyes.

But we'll see. I won't be able to see him for a while as my daughter is here for the next two weeks, and I just hope he doesn't over do the messaging in that time. Or, conversely, get bored.....

Don't ask much, do I? 🤣

Popping my head back in.. I was on one of the earlier threads but had a break. Can I rejoin?

Currently dating one person I'll call him Mr Forest. 6 dates now and it's that weird point where I'm not really sure what we are. We've said we're exclusive so not seeing anyone else and have deleted our apps but other than that I'm not sure.. I had a wobble after the 3rd date and felt very unsure but decided to give it more time and now I've grown to really like him. He's been total green flags and is really respectful. Prior to this I was married (to my kids father) and it was really quite toxic and abusive so I'm petrified of getting hurt to be honest. I think he's maybe picked up on that a little bit as the other day I was all flustered because I'd been caught in traffic and was late meeting him and he said very kindly 'you dont need to apologise, you know you've not done anything wrong dont you?'.

Anyway I'll stop there 😆hope everyone else is doing ok!

He sounds really nice 😊don't worry about the attraction thing just yet. As I've got older, I've realised I don't know if I actually fancy someone properly until I've got to know them more. The person I'm currently dating, I was really unsure if I fancied him but the more I've got to know his personality (and realised he's really quite lovely) that's definitely grown and I'm definitely attracted to him now.

@Ilovelurchers hope Cricket walks that messaging tightrope for you!

@BananaPopcorn welcome!

3 weeks but have probably spent 2 together. Been a bit of a whirlwind. Things have calmed down a bit. Just need to make sure we dont run now before we can walk. We’ve had a lot of fun though! Just don’t want to fuck it up by rushing.

@Ilovelurchersi didnt fancy or feel anything for my partner untill i kissed him. X

Ah sounds perfect! x

Sounds lush! X

That's very interesting. Cricket has been testing a lot today, so still seems keen.....

Of course he is keen!

I'm going to carry on swiping and chatting to irons in a low-key way for the time being, until I am more sure that the thing with Cricket has legs, and I had a message from one just now that has really got under my skin - wanted to run it past you guys to see if I am being unfair.

Basically this guy's first message post match said a little bit about him and then he said "Drama free - that's me! I don't have time for anything that will make my life harder".

I asked him what he meant, and he said how busy he was then said "If I do meet a lady I would like to take it easy and chill out. Life's hard enough."

I feel like he is just setting the situation up so that he can make as little effort as possible, and if a woman objects to this he can accuse her of "bringing drama" - it has just really irritated me. And there is also an element of arrogance to his assumption that women (or "ladies" will be desperately falling in love with him left, right and centre, and he'll be there fending them off due to his big important job, or whatever..... (I realise I may be projecting somewhat! 🤣)

I responded that if he just means he has limited time for dating, I thought lots of people our age would be cool with that as most of us have jobs, kids, friends, hobbies etc. But that if he means "no drama" I don't think anybody actively sets out to bring drama, and that drama usually happens because of the interaction between two people, rather than being one person's fault.

No doubt he will block me!

If I saw a man had put anything about drama in his bio I immediately swiped past, I think I'd probably bypass this one. Most people don't go looking for drama in their life so I feel it doesn't really need to be said 🤷‍♀️

My date with Mr Spa Saturday went well although not heard from him since.

However... I heard from Mr Smile over the weekend. I ended up popping into see him yesterday which turned into him taking me out for the day & telling me he'd like us to get back together...🤦‍♀️ We had a big heart to heart & had a really nice day & I've agreed to see how things go. Have deleted the apps & am just going to invest in this & hope his actions reflect his words & that it all works out 😬

@Ilovelurchers Good on you for that reply. Curious to know how he responds. I agree that “no drama” is a shortcut excuse - it comes across as setting things up so the minute you do something he doesn’t like you are the one “bringing the drama”. I would have unmatched straight away!

Awww well that sound lovely! Apologies if you’ve said so before, but how long were you seeing Mr Smile previously?

@Ilovelurchers- ugh they just wind you up these men and their messages. No drama definitely means they don’t expect any comebacks for laxness, cheating and putting you the bottom of their priority pile - you should just carry on being the cool girl as they say on here!

It baffles me and assume they didn’t check either the mirror or their own selves before they alight on this path doomed to find no one who realises how bloody amazing they are and goes to worship at their feet!

Sounds great - whirlwinds can be good. It is though a minefield deciding what may/may not fuck up something that’s looking good. I like to think you can’t fuck up something that is right - but worry about it all the same. But do also just enjoy for now 💗

I was seeing him earlier this year, only for 3 months. He had broken it off saying he just wanted to be friends (I've known him since school) because he didn't have the time to commit to me due to work etc. He's told me he's had an "epiphany" & that he wants to see me and will balance his work better as wants to spend more time with me. I also have a difficult ex (my DC's dad) & he'd been worried about that situation but has said we'll just deal with it. Just need to see if his actions match his words...

Sounds good - I hope it does work out 💗