The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@MsJinks quantum mechanics to a slug should be the name of your novel when you write it.

I have paused the apps. I don't know if men are having the same problem but the effort from them is bloody homeopathic.

I actually really appreciate the alternative view because I do think there’s a possibility some people do just blow hot and cold without intending to.

im going to watch and wait to see what he does 😊 but im not messaging him to prompt him.

Yes stay cool. Ime they like to chase which is so against my feminist principles but i cba with making my intentions clear when they don’t make the effort. So im letting them come to me. It feels v wrong.

I must say im liking logging in to pof then coming here to off load. Solidarity.

I checked my settings and I do have the right age set plus distance limits. But the fuckers are coming from miles away. Why would I want to start something with someone who lives 200 miles away. Also I feel that means that the women in their hometown have rejected them so they’re casting their net wider. Not a good catch

Ladies, is there a dummies guide to apps?

I just signed up to Bumble, dating app virgin, no idea what I'm doing!

My questions-

Got some likes & can't see them, seems I have to pay for that bit which is ok, is that correct?

Same with giving out likes, I've been doing it & not realising, seems I've run out, have to buy some? Can't scroll anymore now it seems.

If you've swiped, does that mean you can't see them again? I think I've totally messed up on that, thought someone gorgeous, no idea if I can find them again. Is left swipe not interested but right swipe a maybe?

Finally, had a message from someone, they might be lovely, just not my cuppa tea, feels so rude to ignore but is that the etiquette?

Grateful for any help.

From a dating app dumbo.

Welcome @Reginablitzing and @CallmePaul

I get like from France. WTAF! I think men just swipe a bit randomly.

@CallmePaul you can always delete your account and start again if you can BA

I'm not sure about bumble, or if paying is worth it.

🚜🚜🚜 says he doesn't think I'm that interested. I've matched his effort and texted back. What does he want, blood?!

I was on our time and you couldn’t do anything without paying.
I worked out left is x and right is like.
buy then you can’t see your likes or messages unless one of you has paid.

So now I’m on pof. You can do much more without paying. I can’t see my likes unless they’re mutual but you can some free first contact messages. Then your messages between that person are unlimited.

I think some want you to fall
at their feet immediately. How long you been messaging? Assign him to too needy pile.

im terrible as I message for a long while before sharing numbers. Then wait some more before meeting. I have met some quickly last time but they were all horrific. But I was bored and needy.

We messaged a week, met, messaged since last weekend 😁

I’d be upset at that. Are you interested? Would you message to say you were or do
you think he’s trying to shift blame.

@CallmePaul i tend to message thanks but no thanks. I had a couple of messages like that too. I think t’s nicer. But if they follow up with why not im blunt. Ive said too far,too young/ old etc.

You to fall at his Prince like feet I imagine - not sure how many he’ll have found to do this!

You are right to match effort whilst still always answering - it gives enough clarity without any games. They reckon mem like the chase but I’m not sure if nowadays it’s just too much effort and they want us to carry the relationships?

I did start occasionally to give a little extra effort myself with Nr T, like show my like or offer/ask for an afternoon out, but not early doors and not OTT.

Not that our texting is a model anyone should follow haha!

You deserve better - and you’ll find it 💗

Thanks guys 😁

I replied pointing out some of the positive signals I've given him and he has left me on read. Knob😂

I'm not fussed, he's not my type.

✈️🛩🛬 and 🍻🍺 were though.

I am matching with so many who contribute zero of value at the chatting stage and if I match the energy it peters out, so you are probably right @MsJinks

You contradicted the Prince’s pronouncement 😳 oh my!

There were 2 alternatives-
I’m so sorry, what can I do to retain your loveliness?
I’m so sorry, I felt very deeply for you, this is my loss for failing to show it and I’m devastated and will become a Miss Haversham for eternity.

I’d have been tempted by option 2 above tbh but my humour doesn’t always land that well 🤔 - I’d probably despair and just say ‘Oh fuck off you dick’

Your very measured, much wiser, communication leaves me in awe - well done.

He’ll be one dropping back in I reckon at some point - unless you block?

Theres better x

Hahahahaha Ms Jinks - Burned Haystack would call this "I'm the prize".

I think he's really insecure. He fished for a compliment about how young he looks which I was unable to give since he looks every day of his age 😂

Men should do all the chasing.

He has come back criticising my texting style (matter of fact) and saying I'm very quick to say I'm off to bed.

Honestly...he's silent all day then I am supposed to hang around until he's ready to end the chat.

This is another situation where it should be easy.

After first date - easy not policing how and when I text

After third date - easy not policing what I eat or wear

After 8 weeks - easy not complaining my body doesn't look suddenly different that when we met, not running a bloody harem

Or is this just easier than saying "I'm not feeling it"?

This made me laugh at my desk re looking every day his age 😂😂

this thread is so much better for my soul than pof.

I did say to one guy he looked young but then he was needy for a compliment about his looks. 🙄

What an arse - criticising texts who does that! You hit a nerve but he’s shown you his he’d be when things don’t go to his princely plans in his head - whatever he received wasn’t as he wanted so he got nasty - well rid.

I don’t really have conversations as such with Mr T but I definitely go to bed when I choose and not to someone’s messaging decisions. How the fuck do you get to criticism of ‘text style’ after a week! Who sends OTT texts after a week anyway!

Yes they’re all disappointing - I could say best you found out quickly - but reality best is they’re not total dicks - unfortunately that can’t happen it seems! You are certainly due one who can cope with a woman - well who can cope personally with being an adult!

One of my ex irons who didn't get a name has found me on fb. Not sure how!

I "disappeared" either the chat was so low effort or he didn't reply then.

Ooh sorry I'm whingey today 😂

Oh has he messaged you? Or added you?

So odd! But I had Mr Not for Me from earlier in the year suddenly appear on my friend suggestions and I do think if folk look it occasionally pulls them through as fb is quite disingenuous in what it says re friend suggestions. This guy went to some trouble to contact me across WhatsApp, messages, PoF but I’m not sure how he’d find me.

Maybe guys have your skill at looking?! Did you share top tips?

It’s ok to be whingy - that’s what here is for! - but hope you find some joy too today 💗

Thanks Ms Jinks - I remember now. I blocked him when he started whining about immigrants. Well deserved. Bloody racist.

Tractors has offered to cook. Not sure about non public for second date.

Is this your joy for today?

It’s a bit disappointing disposable BBQs are banned or it could have been public cooking!

What are you going to do?

I think I'm going to say I'd like to meet his dog but it's a bit soon to not be going out.