The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I agree too soon to be in private. I’m v slow moving though. I have to be sure. And they can digest the three date thing. No way.
you’ll be lucky if it’s 3 months v

Tractors is looking less and less attractive tbh and he was not starting from much.

Second date in it should not be this clunky.

Okayyy! He has replied suggesting I think he's a rapist or a murderer.

Any thoughts? Be interested to know the hive mind view on this.

I think it’s an individual thing depending on the people. If he hadn’t made you feel like you’d be comfortable in his presence then don’t go, and he should respect that really.

Does sound like there’s a lot going on to get to this second date and he’s being a bit hard work?

Wow! Because you weren't texting super enthusiastically that somehow equates to thinking he's a psychopath!!! Would you even be talking to him if you thought that.

Maybe it's a clumsy joke.

But I wish men realised we don't just have two settings: gagging for it or running a mile. Please have the emotional intelligence to realise that it's normal to be unsure and need some time.

Amber flags for me.

Edit: I missed the bit about the home invite. A mature man should know that a woman might need a little time before that without taking offence.

Upgraded to red flags.

I did go to a man's house on second date but we had been talking a while and had had a video call too. So almost third date. And I went assuming it was a ONS. I was a bit wary though. And had an exit plan and left his address with friends!!

Run away. Why’s he so keen to get you alone so quickly.

He should understand how vulnerable women can feel. He is still a stranger.

That is an incredibly weird thing to say. Trust your gut! X

He’s pushing to get you to his house - pushing too hard - and whilst he likely isn’t a rapist or murderer he seems likely to want to pressure for sex tbh and that would be very uncomfortable if not worse.

Or he’s a cheapskate and you’ll never get another outside date.

Can he cook or is it beans on toast?

I’d take your own bottled water if you go.

He’s so arsy tbh that I probably would decline on that basis.

I’m not against house dates btw - I’m lax on personal safety maybe as I feel I know when to feel ok with a guy and when not and 999 is a free option! Mr T came back to mine after date 1 and I was at his for date 2! So I’m probably less likely than most to say don’t go - but I really wouldn’t tbh.

Tractors sounds so exhausting, @Nosdacariad . You deserve better than the pressure and the nonsense. The "You think I'm a murderer" is so victimy. Nothing wrong with being back at his house on date 2, but you have to feel like you want to do it and are not pressured into it. Thank you, next.

Thanks all.

The rapist/murderer comment is 🚩🚩 to me. I'm equally sure he's neither but it IS victimy and manipulative AND exhausting.

My main objection is wanting actual dates where we go out and NOT wanting to be pressured into sex. Eta if he pressures women into sex then I realise he could well be a rapist.

I will not reply to the rapist comment.

There is NO way it should be this difficult!

Placemarking 🩷

This is wrong on so many levels. I wouldn't dream of sending a message like that, to any female whether they are long standing friends or especially someone who I would like to date.
Please block and delete, you are worthy of so much more.

That sounds very sensible, and trying to manipulate you into bed is such an ick.

Wanting to go out on normal dates is a perfectly legitimate expectation. I have also been catching up on the thread, and I think clear communication is also perfectly legitimate.

One thing that has stood out about Mr P (in comparison with the multitude of horrors before him) is that I have never doubted for a moment that he really liked me and was invested in getting to know me better. We don't tend to text much in the day as we're both busy, but I don't ever feel unsure about his feelings. We all deserve to feel treasured and reassured, appropriate to the level of intimacy.

Ob Bumble, you can only see who you have matched with once you match them back (unless you pay, which I never do. I don't think many people use the pair version - certainly nobody I know).

If you want an app which shows you all your likes for free, try Facebook Dating or Hinge.

The drawback with Hinge is that it only allows you 8 likes per day (unless you pay). But that's not always a drawback actually, as it feels like people read the profiles more carefully and use the likes more doscromontaingly. So if someone likes you, chances are they will be keen to chat.

On sites with unlimited likes, I get the feeling that many users swipe everybody right, just to get the little ego boost of lots of matches when people like them back, even if they would have no intention of actually chatting to, let alone dating, half of said people......

Tit-pics, probably......🙄🤮

Sorry, I am in a vile mood today. My line manager at work reduced me to tears when I dared criticise a pet idea of his. Menopause seems to have given me overactive tear buds - I cry when moved, happy, oragsming (rare), nostalgic, angry..... Any extreme of emotion and there are tears and snot everywhere. I hate it,!

Hope none of you have any very overwhelming iron news tonight, either good or bad, or I'll be drenching my phone screen..... (Only joking - I love hearing everyone's news, especially when it's the good news you deserve!)

Downloaded hinge but haven't got 6 photos as 'my body isnt ready' so thats that aha

I agree with every word of this post.

@MsJinks,you are comedy gold. (As are many on this thread - I think we could host an epic panel show between us!)

@@Nosdacariad,she's so right, you are always so wise. I especially admire the way you appear to give your heart free license to feel what it feels - you have never denied or squashed down your love for the Crash and his wings, for example - but you still allow your intelligent mind to govern your actions.... I think doing both - feeling wildly and still acting with reason and dignity - is such an impressive combination. It's how I would like to be....

Criticised for going to bed? I've heard it all now.

Is he Bagpuss? Should all of his friends only go to bed when he goes to bed too?

Madness. Sounds like jealous paranoia on his part to me.....

@Nosdacariad Sorry to hear that Tractors is being such a dick. That would be a red flag for me. I had similar one when I guy from Bumble I’d never even had a first date with wanted to come over to my house at 10pm (wtf!) and when I sai I’d prefer to meet in public first, started saying he didn’t need to prove to any on that he wasn’t a murderer and so on. He got blocked very quickly!

Would feel a bit soon for me too.

It's very much personal preference I know. My friend has a lot of NSA meets with guys, and often goes to their home first meeting, and she would point out that women statistically are more likely to be harmed by a guy they know well...

And there are safety protocols you can follow of course. But I'd still not be quite comfy with it just for me personally.

Totally personal choice, tho.

Is he joking or being genuinely shitty with you?

If he is being shitty then he can fuck off. Sadly for us we women DO have to worry about rape, murder etc. And any bloke who makes that all about him needs to grow a brain.

But could it more be badly judged banter? I've actually made similar bad taste jokes before - I told one guy I was going to steal his kidney - and it turned out he only had one kidney and he became rightly furious with me for joking about it!

Had my Thursday.com singles event last night. There were lots of people - the whole rooftop bar was full. And I’d say most people were in their 30s but quite a few in their 40s like me. Perhaps because this event was all ages, but there are already loads of events specifically for the under30s crowd.

i found it a bit tricky to navigate as guys would naturally just approach you straight away, and if you didn’t want to spend time chatting to them it obviously got a bit awkward. Plus there I also the possibility that they’re not keen to chat to you either! I spoke to one guy for a while who seemed nice but a bit incompatible so had to excuse myself, then another who seemed nice but I just wasn’t feeling the energy for it so left 😂 I would potentially go to another event again in future now I have a better idea of what to expect.

What a cock! As if we owe it to men to prove we don't think they are rapists by allowing them untrammelled access to our homes and selves....

What a world! 🤦

Well done you! You've broken the ice for yourself, so to speak - the next one might be more positive in terms of actually merging irons.

Very brave of you to go to this sort of event, I think! Xxx

I don't fully understand your post, I am sorry (body not ready?)

But if you are concerned about the photos, you can put photos of stuff, like pets and sunsets and cocktails or whatever you think reflects who you are. Lots of people do this. Or they use the same fee photos many times. It's all fine.