The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I’m really rooting for you and Cricket, you absolutely deserve happiness and he sounds lovely.

And your life coach speaks a lot of sense. I think the thing to keep in mind is any possible distress it may cause to your DD if you were to get back together with her dad and it falls apart again. This is probably the most important aspect to keep in mind. Sounds like a very confusing time for you.

And definitely take it as a win having a lovely man pursuing you….you are the ultimate prize 👸

Sounds promising with Mr Italian! A walking date can actually be really nice, and if it doesn’t work out then at least you’ve got your steps in!

I’m in Scotland 😊

Lovely is my word for him - from when we first met - now he’s still lovely but more of him is - every bit I find out still is. I do tell him so, and have for ages, but he used to push back - still does at times - I said he couldn’t reject my word in my head, which he agreed once so he had to hear how lovely he is - as well as all on here ha!

I am bizarrely unaffected by stuff that with others would have put me off - not poor things they do or say - but stuff like idk incompetence on a staggering scale on some random stuff lol - I don’t even think anything and it may only be later I go I oh I would normally roll my eyes right out my head for that!

We had Friday date and that was all smooth - and perfect really so that’s out of the way too.

I don’t really deserve it but it’s so nice - and so different to anything before that it’s nice too to see not all are like my previous rejects of society. I’m not sure what it is really yet, or how it will go, but I need to remember it’s so good in the present whatever.

Thank you for your kind words anyway - hope the date and coaching have gone/go well - you surely deserve a very, very good one.

@Ilovelurchers- just seen Mr Cricket update after last post. So glad you had a good time.

Mine and Mr T’s kissing styles were very different at first - obviously I was very keen anyway and fortunately I didn’t find it off putting but instead just awkward.

Idk how but it improved quickly imo - but that’s not helpful in advising how to get there I know. We do loads of kissing though - all the time and everywhere and it’s amazing and he seems to agree. So maybe practice is key to sorta adapt both sides?

The kissing was to my odd daughter’s surprise when she asked if we peck at end of night - being so old that would be a lot apparently! Ask stupid questions …

@Ilovelurchers- I should probably read the thread instead of answering bit by bit! I’ve done this with mails at work so often as well to know this!

I am really pleased that you’re seeing Mr Cricket again - I understand the bar thing - Mr T has raised my bar - fortunately now though a possible issue if I go back on OLD lol - but it shouldn’t be like that - decent guys are surely the bare minimum we should expect.

I dropped lucky this time on OLD - date with Mr Not for Me but not abhorrent and then Mr T. Before I’d have had dire, dangerous and eventually given up or gone with a Not for Me as fuck I’m fed up this shite - and May as well stick with one instead of meeting a whole continuous stream of them. This did get me into my decade long Situationship though and that wasn’t great.

I get ideas that are just great and ignore downsides and go for it! So I get what the therapist is saying - obviously so much harder with heart hurter stuff. It’s hard to think clearly then isn’t it - it’s our stupid brains sifting system. I do hope it’s helped to discuss this.

I think you’ll move past this sudden thought of ex quite quickly in the end and wonder what you were thinking. Mr Cricket may be helpful to this - as well as being a bar raiser - I hope it’s all a bit more though - you deserve this 💐

How much out were his measurements?

One time all my daughters fellas were tape measured to check - 3 had said 6ft on OLD. So only one achieved it but actually due to build I’d not have thought he would have been. Shortest was 5’10.5 so not too bad. Mr T definitely added an inch on but again not noticeable at least. They definitely all like sound of 6ft if they’re anywhere close!

I once had a date with a guy who’d added about 10 stone since the pics on OLD - tbh I would have said no whatever then, but the lie is the main thing - before you even start really - there’s huge porkies. Plus the arrogance to tgink that you’re either too dim to notice or so swept off your feet by amazing them you won’t care!

There’ll be a good one - it’s a bit shite in the meantime I know though - but do nice things for you 💐

@empirebiscuits12 @Ilovelurchers @MsJinks I'm 5'7". I don't think he was any taller and very slight. It makes me miss planes, just not his character - his physicality. Beered too who is bigger.
I'm probably very shallow.

I'm not making a decision yet. My DD has a partner who is smaller than her and she seems very happy (clearly not as shallow as me).

@Ilovelurchers I hope this date and the kissing are good.

@MsJinks I caught you saying you didn't deserve this. Whaaaat! Yes you bloody well do. Have you and MrT yet to put a label on it?

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife I'm in England. Never been to Ireland but going in Nov 🥂🍾

@empirebiscuits12 good on you getting the 💃🩰 on x

Middle aged men coming on strong, then backing off. Telling you they love you, then ghosting. Meeting their family, then disappearing.
Talking about pressure, even though they’re the ones who pursued you and you wanted to take it slow.
Please make it make sense? Are they aware how utterly stupid and irrational this all is?

hi. So I’ve decided to give OLD a go.

I’ve never really done it though I met kids dad through Guardian SoulMates when it was published in The Guide.

I’ve not been on a date for over 20 years and I was always totally crap at it.

I’ve done a lot of work on raising self esteem etc over the years, but I really have no idea.

so my first question is what ap to use? I’m 58, in SE. I don’t want to get married, but neither do I want to be casual.

*RobinEllacotStrike *try Hinge but prepared - back in guardian soulmate days, dating was generally ok and enjoyable. It’s a totally different beast now. Lots of vulgar people, ghosting etc.

@RobinEllacotStrikeWelcome! I am 53 and first of all had Tinder. It was too much - too busy and tine consuming - for me anyway. I moved to Hinge and much prefer it because, unless you pay, you only have a certain number of swipes per day. To begin it was quiet, after the craziness of Tinder, so I changed my photos and it made all the difference. I try to meet people quite quickly, I am upfront about not wanting sex quickly and I delete after the slightest red flag, if they get too heavy. This seems to narrow the field! I have learned also that actions and organising a date is much better than words. You probably know all this all ready but I was very naive after a 20 year marriage :) I have met someone I want to see again and have a good feeling so I am concentrating on him for now. Good luck!

@GreenwoodmacI seem to talk to and meet men younger than me and, in my limited experience they are so much more emotionally available..

Ok thanks I’ll give Hinge a go.

I know nothing 😎🤣

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWifeHe is back next weekend late but will have jetlag so we are meeting early the following week ❤️ He is messaging loads and we are discussing some core values stuff so in some ways it is good that he is away.

@empirebiscuits12how are you doing today? Thinking of you. I have days like this too.

It is really to hear all about the positive irons. It is definitely a numbers game. This week someone was hinting at a green card to me and someone said he had dreamt about me even though we had never met!

@RobinEllacotStrikePrepare for the rollercoaster! Maybe set you must/mustn't haves before you start. I didn't and @Nosdacariadhelped me with this...

@RobinEllacotStrike welcome and please read the first post of the thread xxx

Eta just ended chat with another one living with his Ma.

read
understood
screen shotted
🙏🏼

Now for the difficult bit...following it!

I've not heard from tractors.

@NosdacariadIt's only early :)

Having physical preferences do not make you shallow in the slightest! Almost eveyerone has them I think, and that's quite normal - even though dating and relationships have a large cerebral component, they also have a very important physical aspect to them too! So it's totally normal to have preferences about body type etc.

Having said that, it is my experience that if I get to like the person enough, I can sometimes start to find someone sexy who is the opposite of what I consider to be "my type". So it can be worth persevering if everything else is good? Totally at your discretion though - there is no right or wrong here.

Welcome! This is such a lovely, supportive, non-judgemental thread - it's the very best part of Mumsnet I think!

I'm on Bumble, Hinge and Facebook Dating - in terms of quality of men I don't think there is much variation (in fact, after a while you start seeing the same guys cropping up on different ones!).

I would have a look and choose the one whose interface you like the most. There are some differences in how they are set up. On Hinge and Facebook Dating, for example, you see everyone who has liked you (the it hour paying). On Bumble you don't get that.

And as a PP said, Hinge limits you to something like 8 likes a day. Which is good as it stops guys from swiping right on everyone and doing their selection process at point of match. But can be frustrating if you ever feel driven to have a big mega-swipe and work your way through the site in one sitting! 🤣

ive been dating for years. I meet someone, they fall in love with me then ghost or piss off after 6-9 months. I pace myself, I select carefully - this keeps happening. The men freak out, from their own doing, then come up with excuses. I want to meet someone but I can’t face repeating with the flurry of non committal men on the dating apps. help?

@Greenwoodmac it's hard to say without more info. Sounds very frustrating though x