The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

That sounds like a reasonable excuse, and that he is taking the privilege of a date with you seriously. As well he should!

Keep an eye on it though. If he flakes again for similar reasons, that could be more concerning.... X

We stayed till kicking out time and had a big snog outside while I was waiting for my Uber.

I definitely fancy him, and I feel like we are pretty well suited.

Fe elinf pretty positive. Thank you for encouraging me to go in the date, you fabulous women! X

Oh absolutely I’ll keep an eye on it. Hopefully I won’t have to slide this one binwards like many before him, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

I’ve not really had a chance to read the updates properly (this is a job for tomorrow when I’m feeling more fresh!) but hope all’s well with you 😊

Aww all the wonderful support you have given me (all of us) you deserve this 😘😘😘

Yay I'm so pleased!

I'll repeat that I went "ugh" when I first saw Mr CS in the pub. Now I fancy the pants off him!

Actually that happened with dear late DH.

Thanks all for the positive comments - I honestly don't think I would even have gone on the date if it hasn't been for you guys encouraging me, so thank you again!

He is such a nice guy, and I feel like I can talk to him about anything and be entirely myself with him, which is lovely. However, I do have a slight reservation about the kiss, and I wanted to ask - has anyone else ever experienced a not great first kiss, that went on to lead to better things? I have a vague feeling we discussed this at some point before - I feel like @empirebiscuits12saif something hilarious about a cuckoo clock? 🤣🤣

Mr Cricket was a VERY full on kisser - it wasn't awful - it was certainly passionate! - but I did feel a bit like he was trying to swallow me whole..... I tried to sort of slow it down and make it more sensual, but it was difficult as I had my phone in one hand and had to keep surreptitiously checking it so that I didn't miss my Uber (there were loads of people and taxis as we were among the people the bouncers literally had to ask to leave at the end of the evening).

So I probably wasn't bringing my kissing A Game. But still.....

The overwhelming majority of the kissing I have done in recent years has been with FWB, and I feel we have a very compatible kissing style - so hot - but obviously it's unfair to compare as that's based on literally years of practice and getting to know each others' preferences.....

I'm definitely going to give Mr Cricket another chance (if he wants one). But how optimistic should I be about this, do you think?

I can confirm too. I never fancied my partner when i first saw him. Only when we kissed.

@IlovelurchersI am so happy to read your update :) Sorry I have been absent greulling first week in a new job! Go on the next date and now the first kiss has been 'done'you can see how it is when it is more 'natural' as an end of date first kiss comes with a lot and anticipation, rushed and many other things. Reading your update I can see so many positives.

I have a 2nd date booked with Mr Post when he comes back from holiday and we are.messagi g quite a lot. I have stepped back from the apps to see what happens with him, give me some breathing space and also some time back as my job is so busy!

@Thiswillbefun well done on Mr Post 🌟
@Ilovelurchers yes I think the kissing is probably easy to smooth out. Can you tell him "slowly" next time he leans in? I think it's normal to need to communicate preferences with each other 😘😘😘

@Ilovelurchers I could have written that 🤣 my first kiss (and first time in bed!) with Mr CS left me quite disappointed but it definitely improved. Put it down to first time nerves!

@Ilovelurchers I definitely think it’s just different kissing styles and being unfamiliar at this very early stage. I have only ever had one person who matched my kissing style first time. And the others….I suppose the ones who became regular kissing partners, we either met in the middle or I subtly trained them to my own style 😂

It was me who had the cuckoo clock kisser 😂 I literally couldn’t catch his tongue because he was too quick! We never had a second date but it wasn’t because of the kiss.

First kisses can be very strange indeed. But like the others said I would just put it down to nerves, too many drinks, being distracted, and all the rest! Everything else about the date sounds wonderful so I wouldn’t write him off 😊

Hope everyone is having a nice evening. Apologies in advance for the woe-is-me post.

Feeling rather down this evening after being out for a walk with my dog along the main street and seeing lots of couples heading for the train into town, or through the windows of restaurants enjoying a meal or a drink together. The loneliness has just really set in tonight and I guess I’m feeling quite sorry for myself.

Im the only one in my friend group who has had a failed marriage and I seem to be burning through relationships too. Most of my friends spend their weekends with their partners or they have young-ish kids, so they don’t really have time to spare for the single friend. It just feels like another weekend spent sitting at home alone 🥲

Ive lost count now of how many chats ive started with various men over the months only for them to delete me suddenly or exhibit behaviours that have me hitting the block button. Or the dates I’ve been on which started filled with hope but ended with me feeling deflated.

Sorry for the fun-sponge post. Just finding it a bit difficult tonight.

@empirebiscuits12 im sorry you are having a difficult day, I understand how biting it can feel being alone when you don’t feel in the mood to be. I hope you pick up a bit tomorrow, keep up the good fight x

I hear you, you’re not alone. Hang in there, a good one will turn up eventually xxx

Oh lovely, PLEASE don't apologise - this is exactly what we are here for!

I absolutely understand how you feel - it often hits me suddenly when I am out in a restaurant, or the supermarket, or at a train station or on the bus - how almost everyone around me seems to be happily coupled off, just sharing these everyday moments with someone who knows them inside out, and is on their side.....

But in reality you are NOT alone - there is most of us on here to start with! (And as I have said before, I really think that each and every one of the posters on here are intelligent, funny, kind and open-hearted women who deserve to find love, if anybody goes..... Very much including you, lovely @empirebiscuits12 !)

Remember, lots of people who might appear on the outside to be happy in their relationships, are actually fat from it - lots of relationships are 1000 times worse than being single (as so many of us on here have sadly found out to our cost, I know). But I know that doesn't really help when you are feeling like this. Weekends can be the worst!

Do something nice for yourself - have a lovely bath or a G and T or buy yourself a little gift on line - whatever cheers you up. Some days, just getting through the day is a fucking massive achievement and worth rewarding yourself for!

And this too WILL pass.......

Mr Cricket has asked to see me again, which is nice. I do think that whatever happens with him (balance of probability is that it will fizzle out one way or another), meeting him will be positive overall because at least I have now met one guy who is presentable, has interests in common with me, his own home, a job I admire, and is able to behave politely and respectfully. I have spoken to SO many men in the last few months - had first dates with 14! And he is the first one who I can honestly say genuinely clears the (honestly fairly low) bar I have set for dating suitability.

At least such men still exist, and that's a cheering thought.

I spoke to my life coach/therapist about DD's dad. He pointed out my tendency to a sort of tunnel vision - something he has observed before - whereby I identify something that I really want (in this case, the deep feeling of security I imagine deriving from DD, her dad and I reuniting into a strong family unit) and put it on a pedestal, ignoring all numerous possible drawbacks (cheating; the other problems we faced before; the fact he has a partner;; distress to DD if we tried and it didn't work out again; etc etc etc etc etc forever - looked at objectively, it's a fucking shit idea!).

I am currently feeling a bit sad as he hasn't messaged me for a few days now l, and we had been texting pretty much daily over the summer - chatty texts rather than necessary co-parenting ones. So I wonder if I have just totally misread the signs anyway? It's probably for the best. But I do feel a very childish jealousy that he and the OW have each other, and I am on my own having to blinder ineptly through the horror-show of OLD.

But I will focus on the positive that is Mr Cricket - even if he doesn't turn out to be the love of my life. This highly intelligent, funny, down-to-earth, seemingly very ethical man enjoys my company enough to pursue me - whatever the future holds, I am going to take that as a win.

Sorry to be late to reply. It makes absolute sense what you're saying and you're not alone in these feelings.

Do you need us just to be here with you or to offer our thoughts? ♥️♥️♥️

Lovely Lurchers if I was your therapist (assuming your therapist is not aware of the OLD swamp) I would say how many of the 14 did you know didn't meet your bar BEFORE first date?

As I'm in the swamp I realise it could be all 14 because those are all the men there are!

I'm glad you have reviewed the ex sitch and very sad that you're sad.

Don't chuck Mr Cricket out just yet ♥️♥️♥️

Date with tractors - if he has ever been 5'11 it was in a previous incarnation.

However he was interested, polite, apparently solvent with a business a house and a Rottie!

I felt zero chemistry. I like big bears of men.

I've literally made notes so I can hopefully keep up...and sorry if I get anything mixed up or leave anyone out
@ilovelurchers You've had a lot going on for a while now. I'm so glad you're working things out with your counsellor. Seems your head n heart are at very different places with your dd's dad. Of course it's really hard he's still with the OW 💐 how you feel is very understandable and I'm glad you're looking at it from all angles ❤️
Your Friday date sounds lovely...I'm kind of on same page re kissing. I quite enjoyed Mr Italian's kiss but I've realised it's not how I prefer to be kissed....don't start by going all in!!! I think I'm just gonna hold his head and manoeuvre it next time til he gets it 💯 right!!
@AlwaysCarrieSATC where are things with Mr Golf now? Thanks for wise words re watching for consistency with Mr Italian
@MsJinks not sure what was going on for you but glad it got amicably resolved 😊
@Nosdacariad Love the WIMP acronym! I usually give my num out a few hours before a date but tbh I've regretted it and had to go on massive blocking sprees more than once. Every time you think you've blocked them on stuff, they pop up somewhere else! I prefer your way but I feel it'd be a bit of a pain to have to check bumble right before we meet etc.
So what height was Mr Not 5'11?? He doesn't sound much of a loss anyway
@comingintomyown so glad you're trying to pave your own way and not just wait around for Mr Chef, so important. Where are things with the ex now?
@empirebiscuits12 so sorry you were feeling lonely. I bet lots of your married friends are too, but probs can't admit it. Hope tomorrow (today at this stage) is a brighter day 💐
@cleanshirt sounds like things are looking very promising with Mr T 😊
@thiswillbefun so sorry you went thru such a horrendous time with ex. You've learnt a lot and give good advice based on your experience. When is Mr Post due back from hols?

At his request, I'm allegedly meeting Mr Italian for a walk tomorrow (in a nature reserve, we're both big into nature).
Thanks to everyone for advice and kind words.
I went out to the local and ended up in the late bar last night. Amazed the high heels and the knees stood up to all the dancing!!!
Anyone else here living in Ireland?

How do you feel about the height thing? Personally a man's height doesn't bother me to much - I like big blokes but more in terms of width (broad shoulders etc - and I'll take a dad bod if it's going!) than height.

However, I suppose there are two things going on here - even if the height itself doesn't bother you, the lying might? Depends how deliberate you think that was, I suppose. I can never remember my height so I may have got it wrong on profiles too, to be fair! 😱

You do also say no chemistry - was that just the height, or other things? And do you think there would be scope for chemistry to grow? Might you see him again?

I say this because he is ticking other boxes, of solvency, work ethic etc. And as we all know by now, even though the bar is buried several feet below floor level, 98% of OLD fellas still struggle to clear it .....

Thanks everyone for the lovely comments, I appreciate you all. I’m just having a bit of a wobble tonight but I’m sure I’ll be back to myself tomorrow.

@NosdacariadI guess I was just using this as a place to vent and get my feelings written down. I know you lovely people in my phone can’t do anything on a practical level but it’s nice to have a little support from others who knows how it feels. Dating can make you feel quite vulnerable sometimes and I suppose it’s just built up inside me a bit lately. Just being here with me is lovely and a huge help 🤍 Thank you ☺️

How tall do you reckon he really is? And how tall are you?

Im 5’6” and my ex husband was 5’7” but quite stocky so I didn’t really mind even when I was in heels. My most recent ex was 5’8” but his build was quite slight and I remember thinking that I would end up crushing him 😂 But we had amazing chemistry from the beginning that it didn’t really matter.

I think if Tractor has blatantly lied about his height then it would be a no from me. If it’s only an inch or so then I may overlook it. You said there was zero chemistry though? Do you think that when you first saw him and realised he’d told a white lie, it just dampened things right from the beginning?

The guy I recently went on a dog walking date with…..the one who spoke about himself the entire time and told me about his top 3 aftershaves…..left me horrified when I first saw him. I’m going to sound really shallow here and I hadn’t mentioned it on this thread but he had one really bent eye 🙈 It was really really noticeable when he was walking towards me, and he spent the entire date looking straight ahead instead of turning to talk to me when we were walking. I think to try hide it? I looked back on his photos when I got home and realised that he had his face slightly turned in most of them. One of them was cleverly photoshopped but I didn’t see it (because I wasn’t looking for it). Now, I know this isn’t his fault and he was hardly going to warn me about his eye before the date but it left me feeling cold as soon as I saw him and I couldn’t think of anything else.

wonder if it was the same for you? There was a slight deception and you couldn’t see past it?