The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Ilovelurchers are you looking forward to the date anyway? I really hope the attraction grows for you!

Speaking of which, I might have had a few too many truth serums last night and told Mr CS I was falling for him. Luckily it was reciprocated... But feeling very vulnerable today!

@Ilovelurchers- I admire your sense - you’re very strong and wise, the plan to discuss with the therapies is excellent - hope it helps a lot.
Good too you’re going on the 2nd date despite being a bit meh - hopefully it’s fab but either way you’re living the rest of your life and not over dwelling on ex.

Great way of going forward - guess a lot of us would know this - you actually put it into practice - awesome!

All the best with both appointments this weekend 💐

Aww bless you - when are you next seeing him? And so get past it.

From what you’ve said of Mr CS I’d have had no doubt it was reciprocated whatsoever. And drunk actions only arise from sober thoughts so all is good.

I can’t say how you are in person but I think you were unsure at first so actually I think it’s really good you were first to say - he may have been a bit shy in saying first, but now he’s totally validated by you - great outcome from the beer (which was also fun I hope ha!)

I do get the vulnerable / it’s awful - definitely had it last night with Mr T but as @Nosdacariadsaid then if we’re right it’ll all be good - it seems to be - meeting tonight so that’s a bit 😳 for me but I’m sure it’ll be great as always - especially after we’ve partaken of the truth serums ourselves.

You did good and all will be good 💐

@MsJinks seeing him Sunday... The next few weeks will be difficult thanks to my work and him being away / having his son so it will be our last hang for a while. Glad I told him but definitely feeling a little shaky now!

Hope all goes well with Mr T tonight x

Ah - possibly my last hang out today with Mr T as he’s away shortly - actually I’m glad that I said, we get to see each other, then not - I’m thinking it’s working out ok.

It’s off my mind but I’ll see him to check on it before he goes then we get a rest from it all!

I’m not sure if you can see it this way? It’s nice it’s on the table before the wait to meet up again but with another date to just quell the vulnerability?

I hope Sunday will soothe and set you up for the weeks ahead. Do you call or text much? Has anything been said since?

I have a positive view on this for you and for you both - I realise that isn’t how you’re feeling - vulnerability is scary and you’re just wanting to change it, stop what you said, retract it! But it’s ok that’s just our protective brain trying to help - but failing!

It will all be good x

I don't have last name but they are so easy to find if, for example, they're the only x trade in a small village or they have a niche business that inevitably has a business page.

I think not dating someone where there are other women in the profile pics is a good rule.

Glad your chat worked out well 😁

Truth serums 😂

I'm feeling it today 🤣 cancelled my Friday plans and have had a lovely lazy day in bed.

I hear you. I suppose it's complicated slightly by the fact that I do genuinely believe (and this is not reflexive self-loathing, which I am also prone to!, but my balanced opinion after hours of therapy on the topic) that in some ways I contributed to the downfall of our marriage by not being a good partner - my expectations were way too high and I was not tolerant and kind in the way I feel I am now - but I know that doesn't justify cheating, he could have just left.

And yes, I do fundemtnally know he is a dishonest
person, and I think he always will be.

It's absolutely useful to hear these words of caution, I appreciate them, so please don't apologise for saying important things! X

This sounds pretty hot to me I have to say! I am quite envious of that feeling of being on a date with someone who finds you insanely attractive - as he clearly does! (And no doubt you are! X)

Bless you! I hate that feeling of awaiting a response to a "meaningful' text - really hope he gives a positive one! (He's a fool if he doesn't).

You are so right .... I fall into this nasty habit of almost not thinking of dd's dad's OW as a person - I actually dislike myself for being so cold about her - as far as I know she is a decent mother, friend, daughter etc and does deserve better than the way he seems to treat her!

What he said to dd about breaking up with her was (I assume, I didn't like to pry) said after DD had complained about her - I wouldn't say she hates her but she certainly isn't keen .... Though like me, she sometimes feels guilty about this and tries to be fairer to the woman.

But really, rather than these meaningless random "I will break up with her if you REALLY want me to..." offers, he should just get on and do it. Or not. But not place the responsibility on my poor daughter - how could she ever live with that? (And of course, he knows that, which is why he does it ....)

If he really wanted to, he would just end things with her, as in different ways I think he is treating all three of us badly by continuing this relationship that (apparently) means very little to him.....

Thank you. I get dazzled by his charm sometimes - and the whole resemblance/closeness to my dad certainly isn't helping with that - but it's good to have an outside
reminder of what he is really like. Xxx

@IlovelurchersI was cheated on but he stayed and we tried for 5 years to make it work and it literally nearly killed me. The high vigilance, low self esteem, shame and a whole raft of emotions and then he left anyway. I know I wouldn't live like that again and I deserve someone who adores me and just me! You deserve the same...

Need to do another read back so I can get things in better order in my memory but seems to be a good bit of positive developments on here in last day or 2. Will catch up tomorrow and hope you all have a fabulous Friday night, whether loved up, or not, or somewhere in between!

Thank you - and you are also right. He is far from perfect as a father, but then I've not been a perfect mom either. But I do think we both do a decent job - we fundamentally both love our daughter very much and try to put her first - though we don't always achieve that perfectly by any means.

Life is complex - nothing is black and white - that's what I used to struggle to see. I think I used to demand perfection from him, as a husband and as a father, and of course he couldn't achieve that, nobody can....

Sometimes I wish I could live my younger years over, with the understanding and kindness is has taken me so long to learn. I think I could have made my marriage work, perhaps?

But it is what it is. And you can't repeat the past. I guess you can only move forwards, and try to do better in the future......

You speak a lot of sense here, too. That does sound really hard. And I have huge admiration for the fact that you have learned to value yourself like this, and clearly see how much more you deserve. Xx

Our relationship with ourselves is the most important one we will ever have, I think. So if we can't treat ourselves kindly......

Ah, so glad that you got a positive response from Mr T! He sounds so lovely.....❤️ Just as you deserve.....

No,w, for your AIBU..... I think you are in a tough spot with Mr Chef - what he can offer you seems so limited (not necessarily his fault, but ....)

Therefore, I think you probably need all the RL friends you can get! And if you think this ex could be a good friend to you...... Well I certainly wouldn't judge you for staying friends with him. (I mean, God, how could I! But even if I wasn't such a hot mess with my various exes, I still wouldn't judge).

I guess a question I might pose if I was your counsellor, is would you be responding to this guy if your relationship with Mr Chef was giving you what you need? If the answer is yes, then that's fine and you should crack on. If the answer is no, possibly you should still crack on, but also is this a sign that things with Mr Chef need to be under review ?

(With the usual proviso that my personal life is a massive mess, and one should usually do the opposite of anything I advise! 🤣)

Loo update on Mr Cricket - I really fancy him! Hope he feels the same.

Good job I didn't shave my legs, or I'd be angling for an invite back! 🤣

What a difference a second date makes.....

Talking of massive mess I caved and said I'd have dinner with tractors tomorrow night😱

Ah well why not .. have a lovely time x

Great - this is good news 🦗🏏

Oh how lovely 🥰 And what a relief he feels the same way. So nice to hear happy updates x

Well I am now dateless on Sunday. However we have rearranged for Friday evening. Mr Bright has a 40th dinner with drinks afterwards tomorrow night, and asked if we could reschedule Sunday in case he’s feeling a bit rough. He said he only gets one chance to make a good first impression, and I’m happy with that 😊

Sometimes you have to just follow your instincts. And it's only dinner - it's not like you have agreed to elope with him.

I hope he takes you somewhere nice, and pays X