The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Yeah pig iron is a thing too. Lots of sulphur so it smells!

It wasn't infuriating in my case as i had decided I didn't want to meet on that day so he kinda did me a favour. I just enjoyed him grovelling whilst actually he'd given me what I wanted...but all in a fun way, none of it seemed serious to me
I am however infuriated at your fella as seems you want to go on the Saturday date. As would I have wanted the planned Monday date if we hadn't had the impromptu Saturday date. I think absolutely give no reminders and take any offers that come your way. If he mentions it and you're free and want to go, or you're already booked, either is a win for you.

@Ilovelurchers you need to purchase one of those Love Spells to get your perfect mix of a man!!
I absolutely Adore pig lead!!! Never heard of it before. So the hot decent guys are Irons and the ugly luddites are Pig Lead?!?!

That makes a lot of sense re your dad. Is it possible that you are looking at ex with rose tinted specs? If he is committed to current partner and even slightly flirting with you the leopard hasn’t changed his spots. If she saw how you were together now would she be comfortable? Does he know why he cheated? Has he done work on it? Could you trust him? If ex isn’t interested and you ask you will just be giving him a nice little ego boost. Keep your eyes open with Mr Cricket. You could lose a good one for looking the wrong way. ❤️ But then stranger things have happened 🤷🏻‍♀️

Guess who has a date on Sunday? 🤩 Mr Bright liked my profile about 6 weeks ago and I kept going back to it but not matching because he reminded me a bit of my ex (looks wise). The ex who I struggled to get over, so I didn’t want to just match because he reminded me of him.

But I decided to match a couple of nights ago, admittedly because there’s been tumbleweed lately. And he seems like quite an upbeat guy. Asks questions, good chat. He asked me out last night and now we have a date for Sunday 😃

Great work @empirebiscuits12 🍾🥂🤞

Yaay @empirebiscuits12 do you know where you're going yet?
I'm potentially meeting Mr Italian for a quick drink tonight. We had a medical emergency with of the DC and spent the day in A&E so I said I wouldn't be available to meet this week. But actually things have turned around and it's been a peaceful night and day so I texted I could meet tonight barring any further (unlikely) complications. He said that'd be great but he'd need to confirm after lunch. Nothing since. Tick tock Mr Italian, i need to know whether or not to bother washing my hair!

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife good news about the DC ♥️

Have you heard anything yet? It pisses me off when men are like this - I do wonder if some of them just don't grasp the fact that most women require a fair bit of time to get ready for a date (both physically and emotionally). I suppose all they tend to do is put on a nice shirt. At most.....

Good news about your DC - hope all stays well on that front! X

@Nosdacariad @ilovelurchers thanks for the kind words re DC, I'm so hugely relieved.

I assumed he wasn't arsed and I went for a walk with a pal. He texted at 5.30 to say he "could" see me, not that he'd love to see me. I just replied honestly and said to me after lunch is around 2ish so I assumed he wasn't interested and I went for a walk and was now soaked thru and not organised to go out. He replied that he understood and he'd have said if he wasn't interested and if I change my mind he's around. No need for me to reply to that.
He's very interested when we're together, and often his words on texts show high interest,but his actions when we're not.together aren't matching up. Not sure whether it is disinterest (most likely), or whether he's busy and forgetful. Either way not great. I'd give him slightly more leeway than others because he has fulltime custody of his kids.

Mr Cricket has asked me out tomorrow night. I am looking forward to seeing him, in a low-key way - I enjoyed his company on our last date - just didn't feel any particular urge to make it physical (though he is a decent looking guy).

I've also booked a sesh with my life coach/counsellor over the weekend, and planning to explore the whole dd's dad/father issues thing.....

I definitely think there is a link there. My dad always gave me this feeling of security - I could go to him with any problem and he would always help me out - even when his dementia got really bad and in practice he was relying more on me than I was on him, still I could speak to him about my life and he would say the same comforting things to me......

And (bizarrely) I feel like that about dd's dad too in a way - if things ever go completely tits up I know he will always be on my side, because we share a child and that feels like the deepest bond you can have. (I know that not everyone has a co-parent like that, and that, despite him being a philandering husband, I am blessed in having found someone who takes his fatherhood responsibilities so seriously).

But none of that is a reason to actually be with him as a partner, I know.

And the truth is, he is still seeing the OW who was the affair that broke us. He has told DD before that he would leave her if DD asked him to. He told me this when I decided I was leaving him too. But she is still very much a part of his life according to DD. (He basically edits her out of existence whenever I talk to him - never refers to her, never mentions doing anything with her). And much as I dislike her and in some ways don't really care if she gets hurt (sorry, that sounds pretty monstrous when I put it like that) , she is still a human being at the end of the day, and I can't just move forwards as if she and children don't exist.....

It's all such a tangle. And I do feel huge guilt about a lot of it. I wish my own feelings were clearer to me. Hopefully my session with my life coach will help. He's very good! But he doesn't spare my feelings, he takes no prisoners. I'm kind of nervous! 🤣

Hmm, it's so frustrating when they give mixed messages like this.

Setting aside his behaviour for a moment - how intrinsically interested in him are you? Are you very attracted to him? Very keen on him as a person?

And can you remind me what the history of your relationship with him has been so far? I mix up diff rent people's irons/experiences sometimes I think, and don't want to end up giving advice or opinions that are irrelevant in the context! 🤣

@ilovelurchers you've done some very deep thinking about your ex. It sounds like a very difficult situation. It's nice to have that feeling of security with him, but to gently push back, he destroyed your trust and security in the most heinous of ways. He literally didn't have your back. Maybe I'm too black and white but I don't think you can be a good parent and cheat. It's a choice that ruins the most important thing in your child's life - their family and stability. I'm sorry if these words feel harsh, they're not meant to be. I hope your session with (essentially your counsellor helps

I mean he's quite irrelevant when put into context!! V enjoyable first & second date over a drink in a pub. 3rd date when I texted him that I was in my local and he joined me for maybe 5 hours. I was all dolled up and wearing a short dress from cocktail making earlier and he literally couldn't keep his hands off me. We have a load of quite unusual things and opinions in common, lots of coincidental connections. I really enjoy his company and find him very attractive. Am I dying to rip his clothes off? Not in the moment (but was conscious we were in public and in my home town!), but when I think about it/him later, there can be minor...stirrings. Its all so new to me I'm trying to remain open minded without ever being a mug.

I think this sounds quite promising? If you’ve got a fair bit in common and are attracted to him that’s good but also keep an eye on his consistency if you are worried. x

Mr Golf has resurfaced and suggested the date still for Saturday and to call me tomorrow evening… I am unsure though 🧐

Dating apps just make it complicated I’d much rather someone bumps into me in real life, spills my coffee or something, feels bad about it and sweeps me off my feet to make up for it, must be easier than this 😂

This is actually on my last profile - set up when I couldn’t be arsed much to date - ‘bottom line - must have a pulse’

Got some good opening messages - and some repulsive ones - but it’s not bad as it goes - trouble is I’m not convinced the respondents did all have a pulse!

So much to catch up on - again - I must make some proper time and not mix folks’ irons and/or pig lead up. But it’s great to hear about them - you’re all doing pretty well numbers wise I think - and they say it is a numbers game!

@Nosdacariad- we miscomm too easily on text at times - it was all and nothing in the end and sorted - and we had a great day Monday and he’s tried a bit more with text as it happens since then!

However, just happened something has been bothering me - not at all what he’s done or me but a thing awkward to explain - but I couldn’t find words on the spot with him as I’m not good always at explaining - as you can all see! - so I’ve text - first ‘heavy’ text too - and I just realised telling you we comm badly at times on text it may not have been the best of ideas ha! We will see - text anxiety is real - but I’ve turned off WhatsApp for the night now and will see in the morning - or whenever he answers.

@MsJinks if it's right for you you will both find a way through 😘😘😘

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife you did the right thing not being dangled 😁

@Ilovelurchers I have no kind feelings towards the OW either but I'm going to say your ex telling your daughter he would split up with the OW if she wanted him to is...not great at best. I mean in terms of his integrity, the placing of responsibility (however slight) on your daughter...hmmnn. Not to mention that he's in a relationship with someone he clearly doesn't value much.

Well men are getting the hump about my "no swapping numbers til we meet" boundary. I appreciate finding out how they react to a no before I waste much time 😁

@Nosdacariad- we will see in the- this 4/5 month bit is tricky but I’ve not actually dated like in properly dated someone forever really! Anyway, it got to the point where not saying was gonna cause more issues than saying though I’d not wanted to say - sounds cryptic but just as it’s too long to explain.

I’m sure I read through all posts but can’t see what happened to Mr Rugby? Is he still an iron or gone to be pig lead?

@Ilovelurchers I understand your thinking around your XH. Apart from the glaring fact that he left his family he has been a good Father and still very much is as our DC head into their 30’s. I don’t agree that leaving precludes him from being a good parent, I see plenty of married parents who are selfish and awful, just because they stayed married doesn’t make them good parents. I hope you can work through this successfully with your life coach

@Nosdacariad what is it about wanting your number, like some kind of notch on their phones or something

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife well done for just getting on with your day and I’m glad your DC is ok

Well I’m in high spirits going away with youngest DC tomorrow for a long weekend and I’m generally feeling more upbeat about project Get a Life so I’m not pining so badly for Mr Chef in between visits ! I always said during my 16 years single I would never allow a man to be the centre of my life again and so I need to live up to it !

Bit of an aibu …an old iron has kept in touch since I gave him up when I met Mr Chef and I told him to begin with but haven’t mentioned it lately. Said iron is in touch partly as friends but would love to shag again. Do you think I should cease comms with him, I have no interest in sex with him but I do like keeping in touch as he’s quite odd in a good way and …being honest the attention is flattering too.

It's very cryptic but always best to say, gently xxx

Mr Rugby has not messaged since asking for my number, I said I'd swap numbers if we met. I got "Ok" back and nothing since. He breaks my rules anyway as "separated" I put that in inverted commas as the last guy I chatted with like that turned out to be amicably separated because he hadn't mentioned it to his wife!

The last two I've had dates lined up with have both posted pics of themselves with their exes in the last fortnight. I'm not going there 😁

@comingintomyown the wimps want WIMP (women in my phone) exactly as you say to bolster their inadequacy.

On the iron. I think if Mr Chef thinks you are exclusive then you ABU. If not then fair game x

I agree, if you want a relationship with Mr Chef or are exclusive then sack off the old iron.

Thanks!

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife we haven’t made any solid plans such as time or place because he didn’t finish nightshift until this morning, so I thought best not to press him until this evening. But we’ve continued to message back and forth and he still seems keen. So hopefully that means it’s not an empty plan!

It worked out better than hoped! He is so lovely I didn’t doubt he’d be nice but wondered what he’d say - perfect response if you’d asked me to draft my best reply lol - an it’s a minefield!

Ah Mr Rugby not a touchdown then - perhaps he just likes the running about and idea of a scrum! The closest I’ve been to rugby is attending Murrayfield - but Bon Jovi were there not any rugby players.

Yes, I’ve had a bad experience with a ‘separated’ date years ago and they went in bin after. Bit of a boring date it was but after meeting in an out of the way pub we then went to a big town one - where exes mates hung out - guess I was respectable enough to ‘show off!’ But next day he phoned in a right state as he’d found ex gone away with a new fella and he was distraught- he was going to chase them to the lakes and kill the new guy or himself! I was kind to him but jeez - I signed for date not therapist! Fortunately I’d not fallen for him at all. And yes so many forget to tell their wives they’re separated- I often find these extraordinarily dim about them being openly on OLD and dating - yes your Mrs will find out!

Noo - is this on the list of rules? It should be - I’m not sure what they thinking! Though I know you fb check - so it may be on there not OLD? I’m impressed with this as I’ve always waited for last name and it can be a long time coming though of course folk often don’t even use full names nowadays - but it’s certainly very enlightening if you can find them.