The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Nosdacariad I have the same reaction to the 50+ yo men saying Open to kids. Especially the ones that already have kids 🙃
The other red flag for me is when the fathers say stuff like Love gigs,.festivals, keeping fit, golf, nights out, spontaneous trips abroad. Ah so you're just a complete waste of space as.a.father then, got it!
Where will your Sat date be?

@AlwaysCarrieSATC the ENM ones are invariably weird ugly looking fellas and I'm always left thinking Yeah right, you wish!!

@empirebiscuits12 The young PT may have his uses!!

Hello everyone, sounds like plenty of you have irons on the go, I really miss my irons or rather the having of them rather than a named individual 😂

Well I am seeing Mr Chef tonight and I am just going to park his godforsaken standard of messaging because it’s a lost cause and just wring every last bit of pleasure out of the night. We have two nights booked away on the 15th so I’m going to try my best to keep my powder dry about all concerns until after then.

Totally agree about signs of being a poor non resident Father being a huge turn off, of all his baggage Mr Chef doesn’t have children.

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife date in local hotel I think.

@comingintomyown I have a feeling between now and after your time away you'll see other things that put you off him. If not, you've kept your powder dry as you say x

Yes, this is completely my M.O! I start off with the best of intentions, keeping my standards high, but all it takes is a few disappointments and before I know it I am swiping right on anyone that looks vaguely human.

It's a waste of time, because I only end up unmatching them later. But it's down to the depressing nature of OLD I think - it grinds us down.....

You are right.

I do need to try to talk to my ex.... I intended to do it on the holiday but we were never alone together for long enough.....

I need to try to think of a way to make this conversation happen.

In the meantime, I suppose I lose nothing by arranging a second date with Mr Cricket. I do like him a lot as a person - I am just not sure there is enough attraction there....

But maybe I should meet him again, see how it feels. I need to message him as I haven't so far today - I will suggest an evening for our next date, see if he bites.

So, I see this a lot - but when I ask them about it (I bascially say, look, I am 48, it isn't going to happen as I wouldn't want it to, even if it could....) they usually say that they don't actually want more kids, they are just trying to say that it's fine if the woman has existing kids....

I'm not convinced though. I am pretty certain some of them say it in the hope of attracting a younger woman whose clock is ticking, desperate for a family.....

Thank you! And I know that you are right in many ways...

I have started to wonder whether the fact that my dad passed in January is influencing my feelings about my ex - as we have been apart for 10 years and I have never missed him in any serious way before.

But he was very close to my dad - they remained close even after our divorce - he is quite a lot like him in some ways (I adored my dad, but he was certainly no saint - far from it in fact!).

And I wonder if in some messed up way I feel like my ex would fill the gap that my dad has left. (My dad and I were incredibly close, especially towards the end when I was one of his main carers - his death has hit me really hard).

Probably something to speak to my therapist about! (Therapist is convinced that my relationship with my dad is at the root of a lot of my disastrous relationships - that I seek out men who remind me of him, not always in the best ways ....)

God, why is everything so complex? Why can't we all just meet kind, attractive men who text regularly and are nice to us and good in bed, and basically be happy?

@Ilovelurchers good idea re:Mr Cricket

I feel like irons named after vehicles are unlucky.

Mr Tractors who posted pics of a woman with his arm around her two weeks ago says she is someone he had a "fling" with who he is now friends with.

Still friends with after Planes is a 🚨

Lying about his recent romantic past is also un ideal.

Should I still go on the date?

I get fuck loads of blokes "offering" this too. If it's genuine then fair enough (though it's not what I am looking for right now personally ). But I do suspect that often they are just trying to find a way of justifying cheating to themselves.

This may be cynical of me.....

Hmm..... It's a bit suspicious, isn't it?

Does one post a casual shag they are now mates with on one's socials?

Is he very active on social media - does he seem to post most social occasions?

And are there any telling comments from friends on the picture?

And how much do you like him in other ways? Does he tick most/all of your boxes?

I was going to suggest - would you be open to switching it to more of a FWB thing with him? And both of you dating other people?

This may not be your thing at all - but I just thought it would be a way of still enjoying his company on the evenings he is free to meet, but would also free you up to possibly meet someone who in the long term would fulfil more of what you are looking for in a relationship?

Just a thought. X

He is not active and does not post much.

Two of my dealbreakers are

Intelligent and not a liar.

I mean I could go for a night out
I could point out the evidence
I probably should opt out because he made a spanking comment...

Oh, FFS - why do they do this? Unusual sexual preferences are fine, but I don't understand their need to thrust these down our throats (so to speak) before they have even met us and established whether there is the remotest chemistry.....

The latest one was a couple .. both in the pics saying they are “fun and kinky”. I don’t care what people do but I do care that they try and hook up with people that are not giving them that vibe in the first place.

in other news Mr Golf is quiet today after suggesting a date for Saturday. I did message him and he replied but nothing in a way to continue the conversation so I’ve left it … not sure what to make of it 🧐

@Nosdacariad I feel like Tractors needs sacking off

@Ilovelurchers so sorry I didn't say something about your Dad. I expect you and your therapist are right 💐

And this is the million dollar question. Not much to ask

Why can't we all just meet kind, attractive men who text regularly and are nice to us and good in bed, and basically be happy?

Tractors is in the bin.

Not even a good liar 😭

@Nosdacariadoh no...what happened with tractors?

He told me fibs, his fb was open and gave the game away. Posting pics with his arm round a woman two weeks ago who was a "fling" months ago, who he's now friends with.

Shades of planes (had a harem of exes)

@Nosdacariadhis loss!

I think my new best friend is ChatGPT. She is comparing my chats and concluded:

Honestly, this has become less “Which man will I choose?” and more “Which one is going to manage to stay in the running?” 😂
And the funniest part is that they're all operating independently, completely unaware that there is a little dating league table happening in the background

I love her - maybe I should just date her!

Well she's probably not allowed to lie

No more irons named after vehicles for me!

@Thiswillbefun you and ChatGPT are having great craic with this dating malarky!
I'm so sorry about your dad, January is like yesterday when it comes to grief of a parent 💔

@Nosdacariad you're a great woman for the Facebook stalk...do you just ask for their surname and search or are they stupid enough to link their (cheating) socials on their dating profiles?
How do you ladies react to IRL approaches? I think I'm weirdly guarded about it...I refuse to give out my num or even put their number in my phone. But if they jump thru the hoops to write out their number I will begrudgingly shove it in the bottom of my bag where.it will rot away til the next clear out. I don't massively understand why, maybe cos I'm out having fun with my friends and You can jog on Mr Stupid Man?? But maybe I'm the stupid one for not being more open to real life approaches 🤷🏼‍♀️

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife I just search first name and use the info they have given me on their location/job.

Tractors used the same pics on his dating profile and fb.

I realise I ignored the advice not to match with someone with women in their profile pics (badly cropped out women).

@Ilovelurchers , thank you for your post ☺️ I see where you are coming from but speaking for myself I would be way too jealous ! I was dating a few guys when I met him and I told him and he was fine with it but within a week I gave them all up. My first foray into the dating world was a FWB but I was useless at it and was totally over invested !

@Nosdacariad , sorry Tractors is a bin job, I don’t really do social media so wouldn’t know how to check but it’s hard to believe men are so stupid ! Your comment about me probably finding things to dislike in Mr Chef was interesting, it transpires we will have 3 nights together in a couple of weeks so I guess that could be the time.

@Thiswillbefun I find ChatGPT really helpful for thinking things through it’s my guilty pleasure

Thus far though I am smitten, last night was lovely and he actually does fit the bill of being smart, attractive, kind to me and good in bed - texting NO but hey !

Wow @comingintomyown that sounds really promising

@comingintomyown if you continue to be smitten you'll also have your answer!