The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Some dates - and some disappointments - about standard for OLD unfortunately, but we do have this thread - yay!

It is a learning curve for those new to it, and you’ll form your own rules for you, though some are general. I think maybe making sure they have a fairly recent photo where you can see they have teeth is a great rule we should all follow and is it on our rules already @Nosdacariad? I forgot to look!

I’m fortunate ruling out racists (often including other isms too) early as I’m open fast now about my activism - yes I got odd and not so nice messages but I avoided meeting them! It’s probably not foolproof but I had 2 separate dates quite quickly this time around and am still seeing the second one - just over 4 months now! And he’s decent! So it’s not a fully tested thing tbf.

However, active dating with a nice guy can still be anxiety causing lol - comms (texts) and now @Ilovelurchers- I’ll add you in as you may get this better - hope it’s ok and apologies if that seems idk rude or odd?

So there’s a bit of a family crisis for Mr T - so his kids and ex wife are supporting. But lately, and I have no issue with family events etc where he and ex wife are there - it’s good - but lately there’s events being set up by the kids specifically for their family (kids/partners/grandkids but not partners’ family) including mr T and ex wife - she seems to be single at mo - he essentially is for family purposes as in I’m not, and don’t expect to be, a partner included for a long time, if ever, just there seem to be a lot of these recently and not around birthdays or similar. I’m also now getting to hear reminisces about stuff like holidays and first dates - lovely! I am confident he is wanting to see me - likes me whatever - also confident he just thinks it’s great to be with family and better now he/ex wife get on so well. I’m not jealous - rarely am though, but have had the feeling - wary I guess at what may be happening- idk.

I know you and ex get on super well Lurchers - and I think that is great - just wondering I guess where ‘family’ is (as it right) priority eg/ your daughter has right and reason to just have Mum and Dad there for stuff and would you do parties or similar regularly with just you and he and get together just because it’s nice for everyone? I am not being very clear I think - I hope you know what I mean - and aren’t offended by my querying?

Obviously, any opinions welcome - I’ve never had a relationship I maintained for the kids or any reason - I never had a long relationship either which must make a difference as to remaining friends etc, so I’m unsure what is average really.

Mr T categorises stuff - not aftershaves thank god lol - but like places, bands - it is more interesting than aftershave and I don’t mind, it’s quite fun - but I totally get the aftershave being a dealbreaker - and on a first date omg @empirebiscuits12 - I may have fallen asleep at that point I think!

The absolute beauty of this is that I completely lost my sense of smell during Covid. So he could be wearing eau de brussel sprout for all I care.

Yes still need to firm up a day and place. I told him I’m pretty flexible and happy to work around him (he has much younger kids than I do).

Also….how young is too young? This guy is 11 years younger than me 🙈 33 to my 44.

@empirebiscuits12 I think that's fine as an age gap.

Eau de Brussel sprout 😅

@MsJinks I think for me it would depend on joint planning ahead of time. If that's happening it makes everything easier.

I have half experience of this, MrX involved me in things with his adult DD very early on. This was a mixed blessing as she manufactured a problem she wanted solved for every single event, stressed me right out and never again.

So it might be early days you just enjoy not being embroiled in the family stuff?

I’m definitely fine avoiding family lol - I have enough of my own! Would have struggled in your position with Mr X I think. It’s just how it’s playing out with his family I’m pondering - I only overthink dating in my life actually- so this is an annoying thing for me haha!

Did you mean our joint plans? We sorta have fixed dates now - though not set in stone as I discovered other week and got annoyed as I was told late - bit of a boundary set opportunity I guess and we resolved that. So I guess yes we have joint plans in a way though not set up far in advance - I’m used to his style though, and he’s accommodated my requirement of a bit more notice if things are gonna change so I’m ok on that. For now anyway - keeping an eye it progresses somehow rather than just this - but it’s evolving so ok at mo. More overthinking - sigh lol!

@NosdacariadI want to wait but not sure I could last 3 months 🤣

@ your list is a good one and on reflection on date 1 I didn't fancy him straight away and date 2 was not at all sorted with life stuff. I have a date number 3 tomorrow. London boy and he seems to tick the boxes so far 🤞

@empirebiscuits12he sounds like a good possibility. A bit of personality on the messaging is always good.

@empirebiscuits12 that age gap seems fine. My date tomorrow is 14 years gap! I am older :)

I didn’t really last much over 3 hours with Mr T - maybe it was 4 🙈🤣 - it was worth it. One night would have been worth it too!

It is definitely a bit of a risk though to our attachments - I managed to drag out a Situationship for a decade that was a bit rubbish all round, stemming from a 3 date wait and a few fibs (his!) - sigh.

I mean I obviously do have no self control 🙈🤣 - maybe don’t listen to me!

@MsJinks3 hours 🤣 It is so tricky. I definitely have a hangup about doing the deed and then never seeing them again!

Me too.

There are probably worse things though.

@MsJinks a retrospective Planes red flag was not telling me if he could do something, or saying he wasn't free, but when I said I'd go with someone else he suddenly had clarity on his availability.

Oh I’ve not had that - crashes certainly has enough flags to fill the Great Wall of China!

I hope it helps getting past him - I know it just doesn’t work like that unfortunately - it should though!

It was unusual even for me lol - chemistry was just wow - and still is and still rising tbh! Very, very unexpected but if it’s brief or ongoing it’s definitely been refreshing - and lots of fun 🙈🤣

ETA - I’m not sure I’m fussed any longer about whether I do or don’t see them again - weirdly I’d always been less likely if I really liked them, just delay to see if we could be ok, and so they thought I was worth pursuing, though that’s maybe old fashioned now (not this time though I just broke all the rules and all my rules!)

@MsJinksI could be persuaded to this!! I need to be better though at ruling them out before I meet them. Tomorrow's one looks good in his pics, seems clever, own home, good cook (!).

Oh I'm so cynical now...ask him what his favourite thing is to cook 👨‍🍳

@Nosdacariadhe has sent me loads of what he has cooked 🤣 Much better than the other kind of photo!

Lol - my dad was a great cook - but never on OLD to say so lol! Mr T is basically ok cook but I don’t get opportunity to test much as I’m coeliac - it wasn’t on his profile though.

My 2nd husband wasn’t great or good or average but I had to tell him every time he cooked that it was amazing. I have a distinct, and nasty memory, of having to chow down an absolute abomination of a pasta dish - vile.

But maybe he’d take from all this that he could put ‘good cook’ on his profile? Or maybe it’s just that guy thing where whatever they do it’s amazing? Or naybe he actually is! @Thiswillbefun- you must assess his cooking now - yes cooking lol!

@MsJinkssomeone different has offered to make me a Thai curry! I told him he would have to bring it to a public place 🤣

@Thiswillbefun good job on the boundaries!

@MsJinks sorry to broken record it...when asked planes described a student pasta dish 😱 Mr X could not even follow Hello Fresh intructions 😅

Ooh - that made me recall days in a Derbyshire pit village when occasionally a wife would get fed up cooking Sunday dinner whilst husband didn’t come home from the pub - the dinner sometimes went to the pub with an angry wife - I’m sure the Thai curry will be both delivered and accepted with more good will lol - hoping it happens as I need an update ha!

Haha - can’t get a green flag between them!

Honestly, nothing like a broken record -,get it all out as we’re here for it! In a nice way - it’s also available then as a reminder of all the flags they collected between them - I reckon we could paint the whole world communist with these two!

@MsJinksHe asked to meet me and said he will bring the curry :) We shall call him Mr. Curry. First we have Mr. London tomorrow.

@MsJinks @Thiswillbefun

This happened in my old village, wife brought in Sunday roast and set it on the bar with a knife and fork.

I have matched with someone 19 years older...