The Dating Thread 62 - They'll be FALLing for you 💖💕💘

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Sorry, just catching up. I really appreciate you sharing your experience. Wow, he sounds absolutely awful, I'm so glad you're out of that now. I've taken on board what you said and have ended it now. Feel sad but also a bit relieved, I think maybe there were a couple more red flags than I'd maybe even admitted to myself. Onwards and upwards I guess!

Havent been on for a few days, lots to catch up on! Hope everyone is doing OK. Well as above, after MrForest's 'I like you but I don't know if I like you enough and I want to keep seeing you but I dont know if I can see it going anywhere' - I decided I deserve better and very politely told him thanks but no thanks, and I hope he finds what he's looking for.

I'm back on Hinge but finding it such a slog to be honest. Feeling really flat and can't even be bothered to go on there and reply to messages. (In all honesty as well as Mr Forest, I've still got a lot whirling round in my head about my ex - my children's dad). I do have a nice chat going back and forth with someone and we've said about a date one evening this week. Right now I feel like I don't have the energy and I'm not even 100% sure if I fancy him. The conversation has been really nice though so I know I should probably just go and give it a go.

Sorry you feel meh @BananaPopcorn you are quite understandably knocked by this eejit.

Perhaps you could postpone if you're not sure, give you time to decide?

EtaI didn't say the most important thing which is huge well done for not allowing the eejit to manipulate you 🍾🥂🌟💐💕

@BananaPopcornI hope you're OK. It is these men that are the problem not us clever independent beautiful ladies 😍

Thank you. Going to think on it for today and decide later I think. Maybe I just need to completely take some time out, I'm not sure.. thank you for your kind words❤

Thank you, I think I know that really deep down but at the moment self-doubt has me thinking I'm the common denominator so it must be me that's the issue. Just generally feeling quite rubbish, need to try and get myself out of it!

Maybe take a couple of weeks off to reset. I was feeling like you and a bit of a break helped 💐

Sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish, its awful how these set backs knock us. Take some time for a little bit of self care and love for youurself this week ❤️

Aw I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way, I’ve been there many times and it’s such an awful feeling I also know from experience that no matter what anyone says, the feeling only leaves when your mental strength begins to rise. Please keep posting here, this is such a great community and I personally have taken a lot from the lovely ladies here. Sending you a ton of love and positive vibes 🤍

@BananaPopcornIf it helps, like others have said, keep posting here. You will bounce back :)

No. I felt similar with Mr Situationship. Had whatever blinkers on. Terrified I’ll do the same with Mr Spanner it was chuffin hard at the time bit the more time to pass the more realistically I saw him. Now feel like I was a proper donut

Haha. It's weird. I really miss him. If I met him on OLD as he is now I'd swerve him.

It is really hard. My friends were telling me about Situationship at the time. I could see it myself but I could also see something magical in him (I thought it was his eyes but it seemed to be a mahoosive layer of bullshit masking mine). My question is I’m waiting for data to present with Spanner. But as time passes I’m increasingly emotionally attached. Then if data analysis is negative heart has taken over. WTF am I supposed to do about it then!?!?!?! @Nosdacariad you’ve done well to abort flight and I salute you. It sounds easy but it’s just not.

new to online datong after being in a nearly 37 year relationship. any tips ? so far i have had several offers of ONS or casual hook ups, or they are miles away. two conversations on the go but both I can’t see going anywhere . I am early 50’s and assumed men around this age would be more mature. Also many have a prfile picture that is clearly years old and look like. different person when you click and look on others

@beingtakenforafoolI am the same age as you and have come out of a long marriage. I treat it as a way to meet new people, see new places and then just see what happens. I don't chat to people for too long before fixing up a date. Only in real life can a connection be found. There is a method called burning the haystack which is being ruthless with certain things. For me topless photos swipe left, looking for short time same. I recently have had a lot more interesting conversations on hinge, where you can only match with a few people a day. I change my photos as it was really quiet and that seems to have helped. Just my take on things. HTH

Haha abort flight!! Planes' set up was making me feel sick and cold in my chest. That's not normal is it?

I TOTALLY hear you about getting attached.

Advice I will try to take next time is not to sleep with them for three months. Not for any old fashioned thing but because it's hard for them to keep a mask on for longer than that.

I said try...

@beingtakenforafool welcome 💐

Read the first page rules. NO they are DEFINITELY not more mature.

I had this fond idea that dating in my 50s would be calm and respectful. Um...not so far!!

Just catching up as haven't been on for a few days - it is NOT you. Unfortunately the apps are crawling with guys (and possibly women too, but we don't see that bit) who are only on there for entertainment; or who would be better off on therapy at this point in time as they are so damaged that they haven't event started to heal yet; or are looking for free lodgings and a meal ticket... My list could go on and on.

So probably only something like 1 in 10 of our matches actually even has the potential to have a proper, respectful relationship. And then there needs to be mutual attraction, mutual interests, schedules that allow, etc....

Bascially, the odds are NOT in our favour. I do believe that eventually if we keep going, we will all eventually find someone decent (and it's great to know that a few of us on here, like lovely @MsJinks, have done so already). But it takes such a massive amount of time and effort.....

I do think a short break can be helpful, just as a sort of palate cleanser! 🤣 But please, please don't think that there is anything wrong with you - if there is, there is something wrong with the rest of us too, and as I have said before, I have rarely found a more supportive, funny, intelligent, non-judgemental group of women than the ones on this thread.....

Sounds absolutely shocking. At least he outed himself quickly.

What is it with these guys who talk solely about themselves and ask no questions? . It seems to be a recurrent theme in my dating experience - I have actually started to wonder whether I somehow encourage them to do it. But maybe not.

I often walk away from dates thinking I know so much about the guy now, details about his work, relationships, friendships, hobbies, pets, shoe size.... And he would barely be able to say what industry I worked in or
whether I had kids.....

I have four different main areas that I look for compatability in:

• physical attraction - I am by no means looking solely for someone who is conventionally attractive with a gym-fit body. (I actually like bigger guys for example). But there has to be SOMETHING about their pictures that makes me feel I might fancy them in the flesh. Or certainly that I not put off by how they look.
• respectful dialogue - that they talk to me politely, nothing negging in what they say, no sex chat before I have met them (if they start to go that way I might give them one warning, see if they stop then, or maybe just block immediately depending how bad it is. I am not prudish at all and think sex is really important in relationships, but not willing to discuss it with someone I have never met.

- shared interests - don't need loads of these but at least something we have in common that we can enjoy talking about.

• has their shit sorted - somewhere to live, whether they own or rent, and a job/income which doesn't have to be massive - not at all bothered if they earn less than me - as long as they earn something.

Actually, thinking about it I should probably add shared values to this - no racists, homophobes, INCELS etc. I had an experience a couple of months back when I guy shared openly racist views on a date, which was horrible as I didn't even feel safe enough in the situation to challenge him. So these days I try to gently introduce some kind of topic that would flush out someone with views I would find objectionable - though it's not always easy.

Thanks lovely, yes it was really awful. The only date I’ve been on where I’ve wished it was finished, 5 minutes into it. And like you’ve said, I know so much about him including his recent opticians results, what his son and girlfriend had for dinner at the weekend, and his top 3 aftershaves. (This is no joke).

But yes, he outted himself super quickly so that’s always a bonus isn’t it.

I hopefully have a date with a new-ish iron. I say new-ish because I matched with him a few months ago but he didn’t chat much so I deleted him. He’s back and has been a lot better with the communication… there’s been joking, banter and flirting plus he’s extremely easy on the eye.

He asked on Sunday night if I’d like to meet and obviously I said yes, but only one message from him yesterday just basically saying he’s glad and we should arrange when and where. I replied and nothing back yet.

He was so chatty on Sunday and only one message yesterday, at a particularly crucial time….making around! He’d better not flake out on me again! 😂 I’ll send him a message after work and see how it goes.

His top three aftershaves? That's fucking hilarious. I could never have answered that question even about the ex husband I was married to for ten years (my longest relationship).

He sounds like the most boring man in the world!

I don't think that sparsity of messaging is always a bad sign - it does seem like, particularly once a date has been agreed, some guys prefer not to message too much (and I think some women on the thread have stated that that is their preference too).

Having said that, he does at least need to actually agree the time and location of the date! (I think from what you have said that hasn't actually been arranged yet?)

I'm going to add "having a top 3 aftershaves" to my list of dealbreakers

👃👃👃