HUsband hit me this evening

[PinkPanthreess]

Husband hit me 4 times this evening

please tell me there is no going back from this and I need to leave

Report. To. The. Police.

He will be convincing your son that either it's nothing or it's your fault. Or both. And he will absorb that.

Brainwashing session

The long walks are clearly his attempt to influence your son and to find out what he knows, what you have said to him.

I think that in the circumstances sounds a bit concerning as does him inviting male church elders to your house to discuss it. He is working on his defence, continuing to label you as mad and as in some ways deserving of it. You are not. No one is.

What he has done to you is a crime.

If you can report it via the GP and that is what you feel comfortable then you must do it. It needs to be logged especially now your bruises have come out. Take photos right now anyway. Please don't even tell your son, his father may be pumping him for information and he may find it hard not to answer. He's still a child effectively and this must be upsetting him, but that is not your fault.

I don't think his sisters promises, whilst she may be well intentioned, count for anything so you cannot rely on them. I wouldn't trust her at all. She is in the camp of keeping you quiet and not disgracing the family (although its not your disgrace - its his)

What you can rely on is getting some RL help from the organisations mentioned, but mostly reporting him to the police, getting him out of the house, keeping your job and your independence and divorcing him.
Being in the church community you are currently in, is not helping. It sounds like they are very anti divorce, even in these circumstances. There are others.

What I've noticed is that every single person you mention in your life wants to sweep this under the carpet. To shut up and be quiet and not protest in any way about what is happening to you. They want it all to go away. They want a quiet life, pretending as long as everything looks ok on the surface it will all be ok.
But that is now a very dangerous place for you to be.

Violence like this escalates. You are at risk. No one around you wants you to speak out to stop this. If you carry on people pleasing everyone, worrying about what they think you will continue to be in danger. Your son could be the next victim. Its upsetting for him, but it would be even more upsetting if the violence escalates. By protecting yourself, you also protect him.

DH should leave and you and your son should stay in or sell and split the proceeds of the house so that you can leave that place behind and your dh.

That’s not all quite right. If he is bailed there can be conditions attached. Not to approach you or any place he could reasonably expect you to be. For example, your home or place of work. Bail could also include him to have a GPS tag fitted so they know if he approaches you. You can also apply for a non-molestation order in Family Court. There is no time limit on bail conditions, they stay in place until found guilty/not-guilty.

Thanks @MatronPomfrey and @DuckbilledSplatterPuff , all these posts are so helpful, thank you so much.

I am going to copy paste the stuff I am researching now so if anyone following this is also wondering around the uncertainty re what happens after I report, I hope this is useful and my way of giving back as I come here for guidance so often.

The charge will be common assault and battery and if CPS decides to charge and it goes to (Magistrate's) court and the case is proved , then the sentence is up to 6 months imprisonment

Difference Between Common Assault, Battery, and Aggravated Assault in UK Law
In UK law, “common assault” is the overarching charge for minor assaults, “battery” is the actual unlawful contact element of that offence, and “aggravated assault” is a more serious form of assault with additional aggravating factors that increase the maximum penalty Sentencing Council+2.
Common Assault
Under section 39 of the Criminal Justice Act 1988, a person commits common assault if they:

• Inflict violence on another person, however slight, or
• Cause another person to apprehend immediate unlawful violence (even without contact) Sentencing Council+1.

This covers both intentional and reckless conduct, including threatening words, gestures, or minor physical acts like pushing, spitting, or grabbing Sentencing Council. Key point: No injury is required — the victim must reasonably fear immediate harm. Maximum penalty: 6 months’ imprisonment (or 2 years if the victim is an emergency worker) Prison Guide. Battery Battery is the actual unlawful application of force to another person Old Bailey Solicitors+1.

• It is the contact element of assault.
• The force can be very slight — no injury or pain is needed.
• Examples: a slap, a push, spitting at someone Old Bailey Solicitors+1.

In practice, when battery occurs in a common assault case, it is often described as “assault by beating” on the charge sheet Prison Guide. Both assault (threat) and battery (contact) are usually charged together under the single offence of common assault. Aggravated Assault Aggravated assault is not a separate statutory offence but a category of common assault (or other assault offences) where aggravating factors are present, such as:

• The victim being a police officer, emergency worker, or other protected person Prison Guide
• The assault being racially or religiously aggravated Sentencing Council
• The assault being committed in certain contexts (e.g., during a lawful arrest) Sentencing Council

These factors increase the maximum sentence — for example, racially/religiously aggravated common assault can carry up to 2 years’ imprisonment instead of 6 months Sentencing Council. Aggravated assault can also refer to more serious assaults (ABH, GBH) with aggravating circumstances, but in the context of common assault, it usually means the same offence with enhanced penalties due to the aggravating factor Lawtons Law.

I would not be leaving my 17 YO home alone with my abuser while I absconded for months. No way. Abuser is already trying to manipulate him with 'walks'

I would also not be leaving the house but getting him to leave one way or another - please seek legal advice

As for DSs not wanting their violent dad to be reported - you have a duty towards them to show them what is and is not acceptable - do you want your sons to think it is ok to treat a woman like this?

*HMCPSI – The service from the CPS to victims of domestic abuse

> The document was useful and confirms that reporting by the victim must be within 2 years of the crime. Obviously, the sooner the better especially if one has not left and there is a continuing risk to oneself and DC.

> The CPS must decide whether to charge/prosecute within 6 months (SLT) of the police report being received. Police reports will include witness video interview, and other evidence gathered. CPS may request the police for more information /evidence collation to make the decision or prepare for the hearing (trial?).

> Prosecution must be evidence led - not dependent on the victim support as many later withdraw support for prosecution. Irrespective of whether the victim supports prosecution at the outset or not (some complaints are presented to the police by neighbor's / safeguarding referral by GP etc.. rather than the victim).

> GPs have separate set of procedures for adult safeguarding referral, young person (16-18) safeguarding referral and Children's referrals where DA is noted. They can also refer to MARAC.

> GPs do not have to complete a DV risk assessment (to assess risk of significant immediate harm etc) but it sounds like the police do and this forms part of the file as well.

Does anyone have a link to the DV risk assessment form used by the charities etc to assess risk of immediate/significant harm ? Pls share, I think someone here told us the name of the form upthread......

Realistically op he may not be charged. But actually that doesn’t really matter in the short term. Getting him away from you and getting this on record does.

For each day you put this off you weaken your case and you encourage your son hear his dad out. Words mean nothing if actions show you are staying. How many more walks will it take till your son turns against you? Until he hits you too?

It would be best for your abuser to be the one to leave so that he has less access to your son. Reporting him would help with that as hopefully they will ask him to stay away from you. But even that is at risk the longer you hang around.

There isn’t a day where it will be easier all of a sudden. The time is now.

You are ruminating, discussing and posting. But not acting.

There will be reasons why. But for you own safety, if your husband has been violent to you, you need to act. Not talk, and label, and research.

HI OP. This must be such a lot of pressure for you, deciding what to do in such a difficult situation.
I'm sorry I am not a legal expert in any way, and I don't know the process of what happens if you report.
But I do think your decision to see the GP is a very good one, and a good starting point, and hopefully they will be able to give you some RL support. Also the RL organisations which specialise in these situations since they will have much more experience and evidence of how these cases work out. They will also be able to direct you to the proper legal advice.
Take it step by step. But above all, stay safe.
Wishing you and your children all the best

I hope you’ve gone to the gp op. Your son is 17 or roughly. He does not get to dictate to his mother how she handle being abused. You’re letting him control you too.

I think it might be this
https://safelives.org.uk/resources-for-professionals/dash-resources/

You are not a fool for not leaving. You have been in a coercive controlled marriage for a long time. When your DH calls your worthless and demeans you, he is abusing you, and you have come to believe this.

The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you leave, so you are right to take the time to work out what you are going to do. The fact that he is taking your son out for walks shows that he knows he has done something very wrong and is trying to manipulate your son to believe him.

Your children are being controlled as well, and they are probably scared of him and if you report it they are scared he will take out his anger on them.

With such livid bruises, he must have hit you so very hard, and I'm so sorry he did that you to. You are in shock and it is wiser to wait for that to pass before committing to a course of action.

You have to put your and your children's safety first, and wait for the shock to pass, which may mean you feel worse and hopeless, so hang on to the anger as long as you can.

Sending you support.

Take photographs immediately.

@PinkPanthreess

• There were 111 domestic homicides in the year ending March 2025, of these, 75 were women and 36 were men; 67 of which were killed by a partner or ex-partner.
• (Homicide in England and Wales – Office for National Statistics, 2026)

You don’t want to be one of these statistics.

You can do this- act now and report this.

@PinkPanthreess If you have bruises 3 days after being 'slapped' which are so painful you need to see a GP for prescription pain killers, were you slapped on your arms? Or were you thumped?
Slaps don't cause those kind of bruises or severe pain.

Are you going to your GP as an 'easier way' to report this rather than the police?

Or were you hit harder than you first said?

Going to your GP won't necessarily mean it's reported to the police. Only you can do that.

I hope today you can find the strength to do the right thing and not 'catasrophise' thinking too far ahead. One step at a time - don't waste your energy researching legal processes.

I remember the thread but can't find it now. Yes she was shocked to be left with no money and no support as the police wouldn't let her husband back home. She updated the thread a few weeks later to say how much happier and calmer her and her children were without her abusive husband around.

Op you do realise your ' enabling him, no consequences for what he did to you, and showing your children this is OK,
No its not op,

Have been to the GP and had the bruise logged. Was asked if there was anyone else at home at the time, how old any DC still living at home were etc.

Informed them that my abuser has minimized it as grab and push, rather than slap/hit on arm, to family. And that we had been back and forth arguing for hours that afternoon about me trying to cut off a friend who presumably he did not want cut off from our home.

Was asked if I was being stopped from leaving or there were any barriers to me leaving should I decide to do so- I do feel I can walk out at any time, to be honest, I am not imprisoned and I have been in/out since Friday.

Informed them that I was making plans to leave and I have been given some numbers to contact to get advice on leaving. I have friends I can stay over with , plenty of neighbors I am friends with whom I can ask to stay overnight if I don't feel safe at home at any point in time, meanwhile.

I felt so embarrassed at the GPs, ashamed for having stayed in this marriage for so long, ashamed for being with him. There is so much shame around being a Domestic abuse/violence victim inherently.

Having looked at the RCGP safeguarding referral / MARAC referral process - I don't expect an adult safeguarding referral - there is a possibility of them doing a child safeguarding referral for DS2 to assess any risk of harm to him from all this, to social work. But it was not brought up at the visit just yet.

If there is a visit from social work, I will ask about counselling for DS2 and for myself as well. And mention how I was worried he was being influenced by his father. I will engage with them rather than getting anxious about the referral

Nothing else for the moment, feel numb.

Well done on seeing your GP.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your H is the one who should be ashamed.

However, it's slightly odd they suggest you leave rather than your H.

So many posters have advised you not to leave as it may weaken your case in a divorce and division of assets.

Also , what about your children? Is the lesson they are learning that men hit women, women run away, men carry on as if nothing has happened (and keep the children at home with them?)

Is that really what you think is best?

Are you not willing to report him?

Leave the marriage not the house.

? I don't understand that comment.

Your husband needs reporting and he needs to leave.

You are still on the back foot, worried of consequences if you report him.

You should try to stop reading legal stuff - it's pointless.
The next thing to do is go to the police and report him.

I don't think you were being entirely truthful with yourself or the GP when you replied to whether there are any barriers to you leaving should you choose to do so.

If you read your own thread back, you have consistently found reasons that are barriers (you feel) to you leaving. For example, your fear of violent repercussions, your children, the opinion of the wider family, amongst other things.

"...plenty of neighbors I am friends with whom I can ask to stay overnight if I don't feel safe at home at any point in time, meanwhile."

Again, if you feel you have this option, why were you sleeping in your child's room and then barricading yourself in the spare bedroom?

Be honest with yourself. Be honest with professionals. This is the only way that you can safely get out - by acknowledging the reality of the situation. This is the only way professionals can assess whether your fears regarding the risk he represents post-separation are valid or not.

"...plenty of neighbors I am friends with whom I can ask to stay overnight if I don't feel safe at home at any point in time, meanwhile."

You're kidding yourself. You don't feel safe now. You're not asking them are you?

If your H hits you again, how are you going to run away and to a neighbour maybe in the middle of the night?

Women here have told you from their own experience that violence often escalates. A few punches one day might be a punch on your head and you're unconscious.

You're not facing reality. You're living with a violent man- but protecting him because you're too scared to talk to the police.

AND it's not fair to involve neighbours in this even if they feel they are friends.

@JinglingSpringbells , I am still actively considering it and looking into it, re going to the police.

All I have is my word against his though, and from what I have been reading he could even say he did it in self defense i.e. grabbing and pushing me away when I charged at him - he has been laying the groundwork for that telling everyone about my 'menopause rage'.

I have been reading the charging code and guidance for that, evidence required by Police case guidance, everything I can find really. What if he says I was the aggressor that day for e.g.

He is very popular in the community and helps everyone, is very well liked. If you look at my first thread and the way I was rambling that day about the female friend and cutting her off, even MNers were getting very annoyed at my posts. Its very hard for me to not take that one further step into believing I caused the Domestic violence incident on friday evening. Maybe this thread is the one thing that helps with that.