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HUsband hit me this evening

395 replies

PinkPanthreess · 07/08/2026 23:08

Husband hit me 4 times this evening

please tell me there is no going back from this and I need to leave

OP posts:
PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 14:00

He has said he will pay half of rentals till the sale money comes in and even all of DS2s fees if needed

OP posts:
PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 14:02

And then he promptly left the group, after asking DS2 to add me back so he could convey the above. Very much changing the optics to the DSs that he is the one leaving me not the other way round.

Like whatever, as long as I never have to share a room, a bed, a conversation and be caught off guard with him again?

OP posts:
murasaki · 12/08/2026 14:10

Are you going to report him?

PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 14:12

What does he mean about both of us needing to move out to put the house up for sale do you think? Does it go more quickly if it is all ready to move in for sale and all our stuff out? Also easy for viewings if empty and available?

We are in a small town, North Wales side - and the house value is about 550K with mortgage till outstanding for about 100K

OP posts:
PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 14:13

If there is another incident during the moving out process or separation then definitely yes.

OP posts:
MustTryHarderAndHarder · 12/08/2026 14:32

PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 14:12

What does he mean about both of us needing to move out to put the house up for sale do you think? Does it go more quickly if it is all ready to move in for sale and all our stuff out? Also easy for viewings if empty and available?

We are in a small town, North Wales side - and the house value is about 550K with mortgage till outstanding for about 100K

I assume it is so you can advertise the house as having no onward chain which will make the house more attractive to buyers as they know that they do not have to wait for you to find a new property to buy.

But it is expensive to have two rental properties because it could take longer than 6 months to sell the house.

It would make sense for one of you to live in the house until it completes and say that you are going to go into rental. You can still advertise the house as having no onward chain because the sale of your house is not dependant on you buying another house.

PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 14:57

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 12/08/2026 14:32

I assume it is so you can advertise the house as having no onward chain which will make the house more attractive to buyers as they know that they do not have to wait for you to find a new property to buy.

But it is expensive to have two rental properties because it could take longer than 6 months to sell the house.

It would make sense for one of you to live in the house until it completes and say that you are going to go into rental. You can still advertise the house as having no onward chain because the sale of your house is not dependant on you buying another house.

Edited

He has conveyed through DS2 now that he does not plan to rent at all here, he is going move down to the coast hours away near his own DM+DF. He thinks DS2 can find the time to travel there one weekend a month, and DS1 whenever he can visit.

I think he is trying to take control and move it fast and see me panic or calling me bluff except that I was serious. I myself was looking at places hours away near my own DM and thinking I could get DS2 to travel two weekends a month to me for now. But this is so much better.

Its almost like reverse psychology works with abusers, as if I had suggested this plan that DS2 stays with me for now as is my heart's desire he would instantly oppose it.....

I am going to try and get some viewings booked for Friday/weekend

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/08/2026 14:59

You need to see a lawyer now.

You can divorce for any reason. It doesn't matter what he says.

Your DH has been doing the rounds.Your Sil, your mum, your brother, telling his side of the story. and his version of your character. Funny that. Just after he hit you and scared you so much you had to barracade yourself in your bedroom. Do they believe him? Have you told them what really happened? You should. Show your DM the photos of the bruises.
This is not your shame .. its his.

All this talk about moving out to sell the house and he will pay this and that in rent.. Doesn't ring true. Get a lawyer's advice. I would also try to make sure that he is not in charge of the sale, get legal advice on how to ensure this is done honestly and properly and so that you will recieve your full entitlement.

I can't quite remember what you said about this but didn't you say you already pay most of the bills? If so why is he saying he will cover two rentals.It just doesn't make sense. You could move out and he could just stay in the house and not put it on the market. He could also move out, put tennants in for the rent... any sort of delay tactic. He is an abuser, why would he act honorably.

You cannot trust any promises he makes to your relatives or your sons about how fair and reasonable he is being about the house. So protect yourself legally.

It all comes back to reporting him for the abuse. Getting some protective legal orders in place. Who cares what he says about you and who to... A legal order speaks louder than gossip. It's easy to put a popular face on, but time will tell.

Please get legal advice asap. That is the only way you will be able to protect yourself, your son and your assets.

PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 14:59

Everything looked dingy near the college when I looked yesterday and I felt so blue about it, but I saw some new build flats listed today that looked a lot sunnier and cheerier for a similar price today.

OP posts:
PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 15:02

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff , my post just above yours clarifies a bit more, he plans to move much further south near his folks.

I understood wrong, he is wanting to stay here till the house sells, but I will try and take control of the sale and move it forward also instead of just following directions

I was there when he asked DS2 if he was okay with dad moving hours away and DS2 said that's fine I will stay here with mum for college.

OP posts:
PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 15:04

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff , yes family know both our versions of what happened and no one has questioned why we are splitting up immediately

OP posts:
PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 15:22

Even with knowing how bad this had gotten that there is no other option and a part of me feeling relief at the thought of him gone and peace for me and DS2

I still feel like somehow my life was a failure because my marriage was a failure, and it is so hard to stay strong rather than curled up crying

OP posts:
Terfarina · 12/08/2026 16:08

Do not trust this man and do not move out! It wont be easier to sell if vacant, no onward chain is good but people expect someone to be living there, and over winter houses fare better when lived in.

I think he is trying to get you out then will stay put in your house.

Please, please seek legal advice.

PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 16:19

Terfarina · 12/08/2026 16:08

Do not trust this man and do not move out! It wont be easier to sell if vacant, no onward chain is good but people expect someone to be living there, and over winter houses fare better when lived in.

I think he is trying to get you out then will stay put in your house.

Please, please seek legal advice.

Yes I have come back from a walk and decided to start the sale first too. I do not have to wait for him to start it though

He's talking about him doing it up before listing the pictures etc but it was almost new when we bought it 5 years ago and I do not think it needs any work that cannot be done in 2-3 weeks max

OP posts:
PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 16:29

Thanks everyone who advised over the past 5 days - very grateful. I have an appointment for legal advice all set up now too to get something signed for financial settlement, and any contact arrangements for DS2 over the next 6-12 months, should they be needed.

OP posts:
JinglingSpringbells · 12/08/2026 19:49

PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 16:29

Thanks everyone who advised over the past 5 days - very grateful. I have an appointment for legal advice all set up now too to get something signed for financial settlement, and any contact arrangements for DS2 over the next 6-12 months, should they be needed.

Well, it's good you are doing some practical things ( and very lucky to get an appt with a divorce layer at such short notice) BUT I don't quite understand how a solicitor can 'manage' a divorce settlement in isolation.

The friends I've known have had lots of to-ing and fro-ing between solicitors, with negotiations.

There are many considerations including division of all assets, future earning capacity, any pensions you each have (they will be included in the settlement ) etc.
Without your H (or the would-be ex) I am struggling to see what you can achieve at this point.

I guess this also means you are not reporting the violence?

JinglingSpringbells · 12/08/2026 19:49

PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 16:19

Yes I have come back from a walk and decided to start the sale first too. I do not have to wait for him to start it though

He's talking about him doing it up before listing the pictures etc but it was almost new when we bought it 5 years ago and I do not think it needs any work that cannot be done in 2-3 weeks max

You need him to sign paperwork to say he's willing to sell if it's in joint names.

JinglingSpringbells · 12/08/2026 19:51

PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 14:13

If there is another incident during the moving out process or separation then definitely yes.

He's hit you 3 times in your marriage.

How many more times before you report him?

He's getting away scot free.

JinglingSpringbells · 12/08/2026 20:19

Sorry to sound a bit harsh @PinkPanthreess but the message throughout the thread is posters are concerned for you.

Hope it all works out for the best.

Didimag48 · 12/08/2026 20:47

Fingers crossed for you. Please keep us posted. Big hugs.

Terfarina · 12/08/2026 20:51

PinkPanthreess · 12/08/2026 16:19

Yes I have come back from a walk and decided to start the sale first too. I do not have to wait for him to start it though

He's talking about him doing it up before listing the pictures etc but it was almost new when we bought it 5 years ago and I do not think it needs any work that cannot be done in 2-3 weeks max

he's saying that to try and get you out of the house while he 'does it up' - don't fall for it

I am so pleased that you are getting legal advice

HumbleKatey · 12/08/2026 20:59

PinkPanthreess · 07/08/2026 23:08

Husband hit me 4 times this evening

please tell me there is no going back from this and I need to leave

Is it the first time this has ever happened, and is he genuinely remorseful? I ask because , during a very stressful period myself, I properly hit my DH (several
blows) during an argument. I’m eternally grateful that he 100% forgave me the following day, and our relationship is stronger now than it’s ever been.

GottaBeStrong · 13/08/2026 00:01

HumbleKatey · 12/08/2026 20:59

Is it the first time this has ever happened, and is he genuinely remorseful? I ask because , during a very stressful period myself, I properly hit my DH (several
blows) during an argument. I’m eternally grateful that he 100% forgave me the following day, and our relationship is stronger now than it’s ever been.

Please read the full thread before commenting. The thread has moved on a lot since the initial post.

The OP has confirmed this is actually the third time that her abusive husband has physically assaulted her during their marriage.

The OP has also been to see the doctor as she has significantly painful injuries as to seek pain relief, with visible bruising that she wanted documented.

The abusive husband is not remotely remorseful. There is a pattern of other abusive behaviour including manipulation of the OP using a high control religious sect, family members and community members.

This is not a situation that can be salvaged.

Didimag48 · 13/08/2026 14:16

You can[t go back to him from this as it[s the third TIME he[s assaulted you. GET OUT NOW before he seriously injures you - or worse. Read my last post.

JinglingSpringbells · 13/08/2026 14:59

Didimag48 · 13/08/2026 14:16

You can[t go back to him from this as it[s the third TIME he[s assaulted you. GET OUT NOW before he seriously injures you - or worse. Read my last post.

The consensus is HE should get out and allow OP the security of her home with her children. This will only happen however if the assault is reported.