HUsband hit me this evening

[PinkPanthreess]

Husband hit me 4 times this evening

please tell me there is no going back from this and I need to leave

Bet he never talked to an estate agent. This is another ploy to unsettle you and be prepared for him to change his mind at the last minute.

This might be a ploy to get you out of the family home.

The house doesn’t need to be empty to sell and you don’t need to move anywhere you don’t want to.

Estate agents can airbrush.

Take charge of the sale and move it forwards.

I appear to have gone and gotten myself made redundant at my work place with having gone part time recently but only after 27 years of full time work...and then testing the waters last month for a 3-6 month unpaid break to go care for my mum for a bit.

Ofc they say its because of the recent merger and downsizing, however only two people needed to go from our team of 10 and my name was first.

Finish up beginning of October but get redundancy pay till November mid

Given the way everything is, need to get something else right away. Started looking and hoping to get something to go by mid to late Nov

When it rains, it pours....

Gah....

Not sure that’s a proper process. If you have 10 people doing the same job and they need to reduce it to 8, you all need to be put at risk and then everyone applies for the reduced number of spots. You can’t make a person redundant, only a post.

Contact ACAS and your union for advice because unless your employer only has a handful of employees, they’ve done this wrong and you’re being unfairly dismissed.

I’m so sorry to hear this! I have no good advice on this but @MildlyMoist seems to have some solid advice.

after 27 years!!!!! that's dreadful, I hope you are getting a decent payout.

You can't be made redundant because you've gone part time or because you asked for a sabbatical.

As Pp says it's the role that is made redundant and there is due process to follow before the role is made redundant.

27 year year career overall of FT I meant

only here for 2 years, bad move

It is the roles - we each had a specific specialism and mine and another person's was more generic work that can be done by the other team now

Only a handful indeed in the UK across the organisation remained post pandemic, rest of the staff are in the EU zones .....

Strangely enough, I have called and asked a friend who knows a friend working with a domestic abuse org in the charity sector, and they do have a open role in accounting & fund management teams, much less than what I was getting in the private sector but I think I might apply. It must be all the reading on MARAC, charging codes, police procedures I was reading up on that has gotten me interested now. Plus my lived experiences.

Don't worry no one is going to put me into advocacy - that requires very different skills and education, its in accounting my usual line but still near enough to see the courage and start building up my own.

It never rains but it pours.😞

Sounds like it was meant to be!

Just found out STBEXH and the lady I cut off my life (first thread from last friday) will be meeting on Sunday for an event they are going to go to together

I feel disappointed in myself as all I should feel is complete indifference, but yet I still feel anger and disgust at him

Don[t be disappointed in yourself. Just be thankful that he[s out of your life.
Big hugs.

@PinkPanthreess do you think he’s been cheating on you with her? And that’s why he got so angry when you were slagging her off?

I don't think he goes the full nine yards to cheat @AnonAnonmystery but I have seen him get these limerence type crushes a few times in the past decade or so, could be that. He usually gets used by the object of his limerence and loses more of the family's collective resources as funnily enough he is quite a narcissist and his crushes usually are too.

All I can do is make sure my resources and my DSs are protected. Economic or otherwise.....

I should care a lot less than I do though and that worries me.......

@Didimag48 , thanks for your support ...

But I'm not sure you're protecting your son. He is listening to his father, who has got off scot free for criminally assaulting your and he is learning that that is ok, and that it is your fault anyway. He will turn into his father. It's not great parenting.

I'm afraid I agree.
He is seeing that women leave/ run away when assaulted rather than making the offence a criminal act and following it through.

I appreciate it's very very hard to do this and some women choose not to.
But it's not protecting children.
It IS protecting them by physically fleeing in a case of ongoing assault but that needs following up with reporting .
Otherwise, the child (almost an adult) learns men can get away with assaulting women.

@murasaki , @JinglingSpringbells , I do hear what you both are saying and I appreciate where you are coming from on this - Just because I have not acted on it (yet) does not mean I don't want to/ believe it is right to not to report such men to police

I had a very sad day today, but decided to sit with the feelings and not push them down, I promised myself there would be no going back into any false security net with this man, this marriage, 10 days ago and I Know that at the very least was a good first step, I promised myelf anew I would stick to that through all the sadness. And that it would get better from now on, slowly.

There is clearly no limit to reporting an assault but as PPs with your experience have said, it would make it better to do it sooner rather than later simply from the point of having bruises and so on.

Kindly, it looks as if you're using this thread to 'talk aloud' about your experience which is 100% fine. If that helps, all good.

Your plan is to escape, but how much better if he was the one to have to find somewhere else to live.

Keep strong PinkPanthrees! We are all rooting for you!