There We Are Then - part 3

[mummy917]

And another 🤣

You’re tired and stressed and his vacillation about pick up time did not help. Be kind to yourself. Tomorrow is a nice fresh day

Be kind to yourself, you're exhausted and you need to unwind. Make the most of the quiet today, and try to spend some time doing something for you instead of housework/catching up with the washing.

Yes, @Lizchapman and @Victorius19 are right. You're still going through the absolute wringer at the moment. You are doing magnificently @mummy917 . That's your "first" holiday done - you won't have to do another first one and you did it so well.

Perhaps it wouldn't hurt him to see you welling up a bit. It may serve to impress upon him the lasting, permanent and sincere pain and sorrow he has caused. I doubt it, sadly, but your tears are absolutely no mark of shame or weakness. Sometimes it's OK to not be OK. And this was one of those times.

Swear, rant and yell if you want to. Punch a pillow. In fact, I heartily recommend getting these lads involved. A cushion with his face on it to punch, scream at, stamp on and repeatedly tell what an utter kn*bjockey he is (best hide it from the kids and guests though). All terribly healthy. Keep going, you're amazing. x

Well obviously in hindsight you shouldn’t have gone on holiday to the place you went together but that can’t be changed , have a reread of your posts on these threads though and that should stop any wobbling .

Aww Mummy917 I feel for you, it's been a stressful week and maybe a wee bit breathing space to let your feelings settle/calm will help you over the weekend.

You're doing absolutely brilliant in how you are dealing with all this, so all credit to you.

The children will be fine, take time out for yourself and try to relax, you'll be ok - just takes time

It was already booked and paid for. This comment is unhelpful.

The best thing for the OP now is to take time to recover from a really challenging few days and be kind to herself.

Hi op sorry your week hasn’t been great please remember you took the kids away not let them down at all. Op now you change holiday destinations going forward. You might not feel you were giving the best version of yourself but as a person you are still getting up and being mum to them. They are young so won’t notice as much as you think. I hope you get to relax this weekend the crying is normal and even if the twat sees it you cannot control your emotions it might actually have shown him how it’s affecting you. It might even make him think twice about the way he has been treating you. You are human and your feelings cannot be switched off like a switch you are doing amazing even though you don’t feel it. If you can try catch up with friends don’t sit at home by yourself this won’t help.

Is anyone else suspicious that when she suggested meeting him at the garage he was suddenly able to get to her house after all?

@mummy917 if he tries to mess you around again with excuses, keep offering to meet him at the garage / barbers / gym.

You are doing brilliantly - you are doing so well in holding it together for your children (and I am guessing in front of your parents and your work colleagues) - having times when you can't hold it together is absolutely to be expected. It makes you human not weak.

Plot twist. He’s not a meeting a gym bunny, he’s using the gym to mask his affair with a hairy mechanic.

This is brilliant, any time you need a laugh imagine him with a hairy mechanic.

In all honesty though it might not feel like it, you have coped magnificently this week. You, on your own took 4 little children (3 of them 4 and under!) on holiday. It might have been bloody hard for you, however they will have had fun and had a good time. It may have rained and it may have been challenging at times, but it’s still a massive achievement. You are so hard on yourself but this is all so so new for you. He moved out less than 2 months ago, you are going to still feel sad and get upset. Please don’t beat yourself up when you do.

I’m so sorry, it’s so tough to miss and love someone who has hurt you so much. I hope you cry it out, have a good sleep and feel better. Do eat and stay hydrated as you will only feel more crap if you neglect yourself x

You are a great person and a very good Mum. And a very exhausted one at that after all you have done On Your Own. It is now W(h)ine O'Clock.

Ugghhhh it's so tough when you miss the person they were/thought they were and that person no longer exists. It's like a death so let yourself grieve for as long and loud as you need to ❤️

He’s put you under considerable pressure about handing over the children at the end of your holiday, has changed days and locations. There We Are Then unsettled you which is controlling.
Pass off your wobble as preferring to keep the children, not upset at seeing him and regret for the marriage you thought you had. The person who had the gift of the gab, who made you laugh, has rotted into a combative liar.
After what you’ve been through this week, with memories, poor weather, a four year old playing up, you’re a bloody triumph OP and it’s no wonder you’re exhausted.
Tiredness weakens. A rest, a good nights sleep and you’ll be back on track.
You’re just as amazing as you have been through all your previous threads.

Please don’t beat yourself up for getting upset when he was there @mummy917 there is a hell of a lot going on. And you know, you can say to him without loss of face that you find handover hard and going back to work has taken a lot out of you, as did returning to old holiday haunts without him being there - especially having had the vomiting bug? No shame in any of that. You can regret the loss and change without it meaning you want him back!

You’ve had a hell of a fortnight, preceded by a hell of a few months. No wonder you are exhausted and emotionally drained. I hope that you can get some actual rest while the children are with him. You will feel much better I’m sure. Xx

@mummy917 Please give yourself some grace over your "wobbles" and upset 🥰

It would have been easier (and understandable) to miss out a holiday this year but as always you put your DC's happiness first.

With the weekend ahead, take the pressure off yourself where you can.

You are allowed to feel utterly broken hearted. I think in these situations there is pressure to be wonder woman, instantly fall into seeing your ex as a knobhead etc etc. But in order to grieve 'properly ' it's also really important to go through the feelings of having been left by someone you loved who you thought you were going to spend your life with. It is really painful but I think it helps in the long run to accept this aspect of it. I've been there a long time ago, and barely give my ex a thought other than what a berk he turned out to be. But it absolutely hurt like a bastard at the time. You will get there, but it's a slow process that just needs to play out in it's own time. Sending much love ❤️

This reminded me of There We Are Then when I saw it on Facebook. Also it’s a twatoo.

@mummy917

OK, lovely. Kids are gone, you've got the place to yourself. If you want to have a good cry, now's the time to do it.

Let it out. But when you dry your eyes remember that you have many holidays ahead of you and you learnt some valuable things on this, your first one. So plan some fantasy holidays. I do it all the time if I get a bit blue over not being able to travel right now. They don't have to be 'real', they just have to be 'different'.

You'll get through this.

The holiday had been booked and paid for long before her OH sprang the news he wanted to leave.

Let it all out, you've had the weight of the world on your shoulders for a while now having to hold the kids lives together whilst he swans around. Have a good cry, dust yourself off, tomorrow is a new day 🙏

This is so right. In your shoes I would have been actively looking forward to bawling my eyes out, having maintained a stiff upper lip so as not to freak out the kids.

Crying is GOOD FOR YOU. Don’t overthink it, just let the tears continue until they decide to stop. I always describe it as my eyes leaking. It’s a physical response. Wallow in it. Quite soon you’ll pass an invisible marker in your journey and you’ll start to worry that you’re NOT crying…so make the most of this natural release. Love you!

Exactly , which was my point , but it was obviously very difficult because it brought up lots of memories but that can’t be changed now so she needs to remind herself of all the awful things he has done in the last few weeks so that she’s not seeing him through rose tinted glasses . The OP is a strong capable woman who will go on to have a much better life without the controlling twat .

You're grieving what might have been. That's perfectly understandable. And you have the stress and frustration and the children going means you can let go. Also perfectly understandable.

It is better to let the emotion out. Tears have hormones and other amazing human chemicals that soothe as well as release. It will be better. In the meantime, cry as much as you need and have as good a weekend as possible.

We're still here when you need us.