Partner wants relationship with pregnant woman after one night stand

[Gare22]

Sorry if this is a long one…
after getting out of an abusive marriage about 4 years ago, I met my new partner online. Up until recently we’ve been together 2.5 years.
its been a breath of fresh air, really happy and seemingly no problems.
That is until back in June he confessed he’d had a one night stand and the woman is pregnant. This shocked me to my core as I thought we were so happy and he said he had no problem with me or our relationship and it was a moment of regret. I was willing to work through it if she decided not to keep the child and we have been on a break but keeping in daily contact since. However, he has no children and this has made him realise how much he wants a child. (We are both in our 40s and I have teenage children) A few days ago I spoke to him and he said she would only keep it if he has a relationship with her and that he will do whatever it takes in order for her to keep the child. For context he is from a completely different culture where this may be more expected.
However, my brain just can’t compute that he would throw our relationship away for someone demanding a relationship.
He has behaved in a way that we would be able to work through it so I’m shocked that this is not the case.
I feel more heartbroken by this than my marriage ending because it’s so much more of a shock. I thought I’d found my happy relationship. I don’t want to be single but I don’t know how to get over this heartbreak and start yet again.
my ex husband is still trying to financially control me and put me through hell and I’m also caring for a child going through a mental health crisis. I can’t take much more!
Any advice, hope, experience or motivational messages would be very much appreciated.

This won’t end well, whatever he or she decide to do

Continuing with this man will only bring you a lifetime of stress, anxiety and unhappiness

Better to get out now. Sorry OP 😢

His behaviour is shit. You having to deal with the fallout of it is shit. It's unfair that you have to be dealing with this, especially so soon after a divorce.

Throw the entire man out and regroup. It won't feel like it now, but you will be happier for it.

You've escaped, thank your lucky stars and don't for a moment look back.

Dump him. He's not the man you thought he was.

Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape from an adulterer.

Take this opportunity for a clean break, move on with your life, and focus eg on your children instead.

There will be other people out there to date, this isn’t the only man in the world, and he’s proven he’s a waste of space.

Absolutely not.
If she has genuinely said that she's having an abortion unless he has a relationship with her that's fucked up.
Him considering having a relationship with her just so she'll keep a baby she is saying she otherwise doesn't want is fucked up.
Expecting you to play happy families in this whole fucked up situation with someone who cheated on you is fucked up

Leave them to it OP. It'll hurt, but i can guarantee you that it'll hurt more in the future when you're further intertwined with this shit show.

How do you know it was a one night srand OP?

Does no one wear condoms these days!

Move on OP. He is not the man you think he is. If this man was presented to you now as a new relationship option would you take it? Don't compromise yourself. You're worth so much more.

I agree!

Bin him.

This will only end in a heartbreaking game of 'pick me' otherwise

He cheated- nobody in a happy relationship does that.
Even if you stayed together you'd mentally torture yourself until the end of time about the lifelong contact he'd need to have with this woman,if she kept the baby. If she didn't keep it, you'd still never trust him.
Rip the plaster off now,block him and be prepared to be miserable for a while.
This too will pass xx

@Gare22 "He has behaved in a way that we would be able to work through it" but you've only been together 2.5 years and he's already cheated?

Sadly, you may find that the thought of a child, for him, elicits stronger emotions than your relationship offers.

He’s vile. Don’t listen to anymore of his nonsense and get rid. He’s totally unreasonable

Was it actually a one night stand or is this just manipulation to get you into a polyamorous relationship

What a shit show all round. You only found out about the ONS because of the pregnancy. How many other times has he done this that you don't know about. You should be ending the relationship because of the cheating, full stop. And he getting sucked into a relationship with the other woman by blackmail, well that's unlikely to end well either.

None of this is your fault. One day at a time. You’ll get through it and there will better times ahead.

It wasn’t a one night stand, he’s already in a relationship with her, possibly even married, but if not, it’s you who is the ow. Not her.

I’m so sorry OP.

Truly, honestly, the only thing you can do is accept your relationship is over. You’ll likely never know the specifics (honestly, the one night thing doesn’t ring true) and need to accept you won’t.

His actions if not his words have told you clearly he was not as happy in the relationship as you thought he was. I can imagine this is very confusing. But sometimes people behave in strange ways. I agree it seems strange to throw away a very happy relationship under pressure. His actions suggest he has stronger feelings for this lady than his words are saying.

Keep your dignity. Move on.

Ah OP, this is so heartbreaking. He’s cheated on you and now it sounds as though he wants the best of both worlds - a relationship with you and a back up plan girlfriend and child.

Firstly, he’s a cheat and I think it’s somewhat unlikely that she got pregnant from a one night stand. It does happen but is it possible this was more than just one night? Cheaters do like to minimise their actions

Secondly, as painful as it is to let go, it’s going to be far more painful to stay. I hope you find the courage to walk away.

“One night stand” my arse. He’s been having an affair and neither of these cheating bellends thought to use protection (this could even be deliberate).

Make him your ex and don’t look back.

I'm so sorry OP but this man is not who you thought he was. I suspect he's spinning you a line - it probably wasn't a one night stand and I highly doubt this woman is forcing him into a relationship. Not many women want a man they have to coerce into being in a relationship with them.

You say you don't want to be single as if that's worse than being in a relationship with someone who lies and cheats - it really isn't!

He's made his choice to be with the mother of his child so all you can do is accept it. You need to cut all contact with him and move on with your life. As hard as it is, it sounds like your child needs you right now so concentrate on that.

It just doesn’t ring true though does it. I can’t imagine any grown woman I’ve ever met saying to a man ‘i’ll keep the baby but only if you stay with me like a prisoner’.

It feels far far more likely that this is what the ex boyfriend is saying to try and let OP down gently / try and worm out of being the bad guy here

This wasn’t a one night stand. They were quite clearly in a relationship and still are.

Please want more for yourself in life and just end this.

Love yourself more than you love him.

Dont just stick with shitty men because you don’t want to be single.

I'm sorry youre going through this.
But honestly - dont do the pick me dance.
He's told you he now wants a child. Presumably in you'r 40's you dont want that for yourself?
Leave him to it and dont look back.

This is why cheating is a non negotiable no, imo.

Thank you all. I don’t know for sure that it was a one night stand, but going by the information he’s given me.
I know there’s absolutely no future in this, it’s just hard to get my heart to listen to what my head knows.
I think it’s also coming to terms with the fact the relationship clearly didn’t mean as much to him as it did to me.