Partner wants relationship with pregnant woman after one night stand

[Gare22]

Sorry if this is a long one…
after getting out of an abusive marriage about 4 years ago, I met my new partner online. Up until recently we’ve been together 2.5 years.
its been a breath of fresh air, really happy and seemingly no problems.
That is until back in June he confessed he’d had a one night stand and the woman is pregnant. This shocked me to my core as I thought we were so happy and he said he had no problem with me or our relationship and it was a moment of regret. I was willing to work through it if she decided not to keep the child and we have been on a break but keeping in daily contact since. However, he has no children and this has made him realise how much he wants a child. (We are both in our 40s and I have teenage children) A few days ago I spoke to him and he said she would only keep it if he has a relationship with her and that he will do whatever it takes in order for her to keep the child. For context he is from a completely different culture where this may be more expected.
However, my brain just can’t compute that he would throw our relationship away for someone demanding a relationship.
He has behaved in a way that we would be able to work through it so I’m shocked that this is not the case.
I feel more heartbroken by this than my marriage ending because it’s so much more of a shock. I thought I’d found my happy relationship. I don’t want to be single but I don’t know how to get over this heartbreak and start yet again.
my ex husband is still trying to financially control me and put me through hell and I’m also caring for a child going through a mental health crisis. I can’t take much more!
Any advice, hope, experience or motivational messages would be very much appreciated.

Look after yourself lovely 💐 you deserve much better than him!

Yes this will be hard, and I’m sorry yes, he’s in a relationship with this woman, it was not a friend, she was his partner, he’s a lying cheating pos and I feel sorry for her, I guess he’s done the right thing now as a child is on the way, but I’d not wish having a child with him on anyone.

i know irs easy to see, but you’ve dodged a bullet. It’s hard when you believed one thing and then realise another,but you will move past this and recover, I promise,

Your partner loves you so much, that he had a one night stand, behind your back! No, he doesn't love you. Men who love their partner/wife don't have one night stands, full stop. The only reason you are hearing about the one night stand, is because the woman is now pregnant. If she hadn't become pregnant, then he would have never said a word.

Equally has it occurred to you that he's been in a relationship with this woman at the same time as you?! Therefore she was never a one night stand, but rather a long-term relationship, and you're the 'bit on the side'?! She's now pregnant, and he's decided he needs to make a go of the relationship with her, and is dumping you?!

In all honesty, both scenarios are equally plausible. End the relationship. I'm sorry to say this man isn't who you thought he was, he's a cheating arse.

If his culture shits on women, then you can't be compatible, since you are a women. Dump and forget.

Oh, and this particular other woman almost certainly got pregnant on purpose.

What a nasty prize she has won herself.

Please get checked for STDs. Seriously.

Wow, I feel so sad for that poor child. Only being allowed to live if it's mother can ensnare the father... It can only end badly all ways around. I'm sorry you're in this situation OP, but I think you dodged a bullet. 2.5 years in and he's already unfaithful.

I'm so sorry OP, you've already got a lot on your plate and then he shovels some more onto you!

He's not the man you thought he was, so in that sense he has done you the favour of showing you his true colours relatively early; 2.5 years is not short, but how much worse would it have been if it had been 10 years and you'd married him? Silver linings ?

Agree with other posters, unlikely to have been just one night. He is looking for a way out so you don’t blame him for building a parallel future for himself whilst stringing you along. Easy to blame the ow rather than take responsibility for what he has done. I think you have been plan B for a while OP. I’m sorry, it must hurt, but better that you know now rather than waste your time with someone who doesn’t put you at the centre of their world.

I do actually one of someone who got a woman pregnant on a ONS, and dumped my friend to be with her. Broke her heart.
So sorry to are going through this.
Just dump him now and block /no more contact.

You managed to get through the hell of your first relationship ending, you will do it again. You're stronger than you think.
Am sorry this has happened, but it's better to be alone than be with this man.

There will be other people for you to meet. Even if you don't meet someone who is worthy of you, it's better than a lifetime of this, honestly. Take small steps, lean on some friends, be kind to yourself and with time you will be ok again, just like you were before.

He realized at some point he wanted children and that wasn't going to happen with you. He went out and cheated without using protection and got her pregnant. I don't think you're getting the whole truth from him. He's waited to tell you until her pregnancy was confirmed.

He's lied and cheated and was able to sustain a facade with you had no idea your relationship was in trouble. And a "friend". I'd be skeptical of his story.

You got out of an abusive marriage. Did you do any therapy or anything like the Freedom Program? If not, it's time to do some self work. It's got to be a shock that this relationship you thought was so stable blew up so badly. Gather your supportive friends and family around you and be kind to yourself for a while.

You do not need a man !

Live on your own with your children

I know someone this happened to.
it was a one night stand.
They broke up for about a year while he supported the other woman.
They ended up getting back together and he visited his child, took them out for days and helped pay.

Twenty years later the child is integrated happily into the family and is loved by the adult children of the wife.
it’s amazing what people can work through

You’ve done the right thing.
Of course you’re struggling with it, the majority of people would❤️

Please block him on everything if you haven’t already. There’s no need for you to be in daily contact now. Delete any messages and photos you have of him. It’s hard because it’s like ripping off a plaster.

You will feel better in time. Do things to take your mind off it all. Even book a couple of slots with a therapist if you feel like talking through it with a stranger may help.

Also, the “relationship” with this new woman most likely won’t last. Or if it does for cultural reasons, it won’t be a happy relationship. They never are in these circumstances.

Something similar happened to me. He actually married his pregnant ex while on holiday! He didn't actually have the guts to tell me. I thought he was head over heels in love with me and we were happy. For various reasons It was apparent that he had cheated - she wasn't pregnant when they broke up - no, I wasn't the other woman. She actually lost the baby and nearly died. The marriage didn't last. I feel very sorry for her becsuse he treated her very badly I think.

No, I don't think there was anything wrong with my boundaries. I just met a dreadful man who managed to pass himself off as something he wasn't. I didn't want to be single either. Shortly afterwards though I met a wonderful man. He absolutely promised not to get married to an ex while on holiday! We've been very happily married for over 30 years.

You wanted a pregnancy to end so you could continue a relationship with a cheating man? Wow.

Pregnancy or not he betrayed you so you can never trust him again.
Leave him to it , you deserve better and even though you can't see it now you will get over it.

I'm sorry that he's behaved like a cheating prized cunt, but you have dodged a massive bullet in the long run.
He cheated with 'a friend' how classy of him 🤢
You are no ones side chick, you are not getting a demotion, but instead you are being freed from a lying cheating twat who has shown his true colours and this will be better in the long run. 💯
it will hurt and feel shite right now as it's raw. 💩
I'm sorry this happened.

Plot twist, he gets a dna test and it's not his baby and comes crawling back.... tell him again to fuck off and lie in the shitty cheating bed he made, meanwhile you will be living your best life 🫂

ETA: Can you get some support from family and friends?
I hope you DC is okay as well and that you are looking after yourself (and not just everyone else) 🫂
@Gare22

You’ve done what many would not have the guts to do; so I praise you: things will get better

I think in most women’s cases, if their spouse/partner/boyfriend got another woman pregnant, they would rather the woman not keep the child. I know I would.

The hills are waiting. Don’t even hesitate to run for them. This will just be a prolonged shit show.

So sorry op. I don't know what his "cultural" backgriund is but a decent man is a decent man. You have learned, in a very cruel way that he is not.
Sending you a hug x

I wouldn’t want him now anyway. 🤷‍♀️. Cast him adrift.

Sorry but there is no way this was a one off absolutely no way

if it was a one off she is a frightening calculating lune and he will be miserable v v soon

Sorry OP but it reads to me as if he had an affair with this woman and now she is pregnant and they’ve decided to give it a go.

You’re well rid.