Partner wants relationship with pregnant woman after one night stand

[Gare22]

Sorry if this is a long one…
after getting out of an abusive marriage about 4 years ago, I met my new partner online. Up until recently we’ve been together 2.5 years.
its been a breath of fresh air, really happy and seemingly no problems.
That is until back in June he confessed he’d had a one night stand and the woman is pregnant. This shocked me to my core as I thought we were so happy and he said he had no problem with me or our relationship and it was a moment of regret. I was willing to work through it if she decided not to keep the child and we have been on a break but keeping in daily contact since. However, he has no children and this has made him realise how much he wants a child. (We are both in our 40s and I have teenage children) A few days ago I spoke to him and he said she would only keep it if he has a relationship with her and that he will do whatever it takes in order for her to keep the child. For context he is from a completely different culture where this may be more expected.
However, my brain just can’t compute that he would throw our relationship away for someone demanding a relationship.
He has behaved in a way that we would be able to work through it so I’m shocked that this is not the case.
I feel more heartbroken by this than my marriage ending because it’s so much more of a shock. I thought I’d found my happy relationship. I don’t want to be single but I don’t know how to get over this heartbreak and start yet again.
my ex husband is still trying to financially control me and put me through hell and I’m also caring for a child going through a mental health crisis. I can’t take much more!
Any advice, hope, experience or motivational messages would be very much appreciated.

There is way more to this situation than a one night stand - he has told you that to minimise this!

I would end this, right now. He will be unfaithful to the next one, too. FWIW he sounds exactly like my ex - had a very similar situation except I was the woman who got pregnant. He was seeing me alongside her and lying to us both.

Today, he’s alone.

So glad you have ended it - this will only end in heartbreak for you. I’m not even sure that you’ve got the true story either. Plus he’s having one night stands whilst in a ‘happy’ relationship with you 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I am in support of the consensus on this thread.

Would not believe a word he says

Have some self respect for gods sake.

He only 'confessed' because she got pregnant, who knows how many women he's stringing along and for how long.

Think about it though OP, why would you ever want to 'work through' him sleeping with somebody else and not even respecting you enough to wear a condom?

Well done for ending it, please get an STD check asap,

I say this with kindness.

That’s two shitty men in a row for you. You need to be single, work on yourself and your self esteem, work with a therapist to identify why you’re allowing yourself to be taken in by men who don’t deserve you. Now isn’t the time to walk this cheating arsehole through becoming a dad and playing the role of doting step mum, don’t be a doormat.

Leave this man to deal with the fallout of his cheating. It was cheating OP. Not a one night stand, he cheated after 2.5 years with you even when he was supposedly happy. Wonder what he’ll do when he becomes unhappy?

This one is actually his (and the pregnant woman's) call, as in only they can decie whether they are keeping the baby-obviously her call, but in this case his because she's said her choice will depend on his action. It sounds like he wants a kid, and if they want to raise said child, then that's up to them.
The only thing you can choose to do is walk now-unless you want to/can try to have a child with him, and it doesn't sound like you do.

Just dodge the bullet love

Don't leave one bad relationship for another bad relationship. He showed you his true self so don't accept it. There is something bigger, better and more beautiful waiting for you. Focus on the children who need you and work on building yourself up so you never even hesitate to leave such an utterly disgusting piece of shit again. Sending hugs xxx

Your relationship is over.

Agree.

You seem to believe in fairy tale style love, OP. It doesn't exist.

Wish him well with his one night stand and move on.

He wants to have his cake and eat it. Do you want to be his crumbs?

The longer you stay, the more hurt you're going to get.

Let your self preservation kick in here.

Feel for the unborn child too..

The OW sounds awful, will only keep the DC if your ex stays with her....doesn't sound like she really wants a baby.

What happens if they don't get on and no longer stay together, will she no longer want the DC?

Sorry OP - what a dick.

It really does not sound like a one night stand.. what woman has a one night stand and then demands a relationship with the person ? It very much sounds like the ‘other woman’ has decided she now wants to be the only woman if they are going to have a child.

Even if you didn’t mind sharing, it’s already built on deceit.

Better off out (appreciate that’s easier said than done)

Yeah, no way was that just a one night stand.

If be careful op as I think he’s setting you up to be the other woman.

”Oh I have to be with her but I still love you wah wah”

It’s good you’ve got rid, just watch out for him trying to come back and pull that nonsense. Or it doesn’t work out becuase he isn’t sleeping because of the baby so he tries to come back to you for a bit till the child is older, that’s a common move.

Clean break.
The fact that it was someone he was calling a friend too. What a prick.

I’m sorry op, you deserve so much better than him.
But I guess, realistically, most relationships end. At least this one was nice for some of it. Unfortunately he turned out to be a git. But that’s not on you. We have to know when things have run their course. You did good.

OP you need to forget about him and prioritise your child. They need you. With him out of the picture you’ll be able to concentrate on them so much better. He’s done you both a favour.

Oh and his “new” “relationship” is a shit-show and has disaster written all over it. Don’t let him crawl back to you when it crashes and burns.

You don't need his circus on top of your own.

Let him go.

I'm too cynical to think he did something just once.

Lady, come on now, run run run. Bye

I am glad you realise that. Cheaters never get caught the first time. And once a cheater, always a cheater is actually true. Most men do cheat again if they cheat once. Why wouldn't they? Nothing changes for them, they get yelled at a bit, a few tears, and then get to keep on doing whatever they want.

You've no reason to stick around this man - so "he's nice to you etc etc" - there are probably numerous other men out there who won't drag you into their dramas.

Exit stage left, pursued by a bear

It looks like most people aren't clicking 'view all' to read OPs replies.

Sadly cheaters are liars - I doubt he is telling you the full truth. If it doesn’t make sense it’s because part of the story is missing. I believe the missing part of the story is they have a relationship on the go, not just a Friday night shag.

You have escaped a liar - this is good news.

Read cheating in a nutshell by Mitchell and Mitchell - it may help you understand and articulate how you feel.

But he’s a loser.

It wasn't a one-night stand. He's been having an affair.