Partner wants relationship with pregnant woman after one night stand

[Gare22]

Sorry if this is a long one…
after getting out of an abusive marriage about 4 years ago, I met my new partner online. Up until recently we’ve been together 2.5 years.
its been a breath of fresh air, really happy and seemingly no problems.
That is until back in June he confessed he’d had a one night stand and the woman is pregnant. This shocked me to my core as I thought we were so happy and he said he had no problem with me or our relationship and it was a moment of regret. I was willing to work through it if she decided not to keep the child and we have been on a break but keeping in daily contact since. However, he has no children and this has made him realise how much he wants a child. (We are both in our 40s and I have teenage children) A few days ago I spoke to him and he said she would only keep it if he has a relationship with her and that he will do whatever it takes in order for her to keep the child. For context he is from a completely different culture where this may be more expected.
However, my brain just can’t compute that he would throw our relationship away for someone demanding a relationship.
He has behaved in a way that we would be able to work through it so I’m shocked that this is not the case.
I feel more heartbroken by this than my marriage ending because it’s so much more of a shock. I thought I’d found my happy relationship. I don’t want to be single but I don’t know how to get over this heartbreak and start yet again.
my ex husband is still trying to financially control me and put me through hell and I’m also caring for a child going through a mental health crisis. I can’t take much more!
Any advice, hope, experience or motivational messages would be very much appreciated.

Oh lovely, I hope this thread helps you realise you deserve so much better then this absolute shit show.

You need to be single and work on your self esteem and self respect. You need to learn to love yourself and your life so much that if a man even tried to disrespect you in 1% of the way this man had you’d up and walk away without conversation.

It may sound harsh but people will treat you the way you let them treat you. This poor excuse of a man knew you didn’t want to be single and you would stick with him through pretty much anything. Don’t entertain it, walk away.

Sorry, I didn’t make myself clear enough. I have ended it. I’m just struggling with it.

This isn't the only time he's cheated on you, it's the one he had to confess to due to the pregnancy.

She's keeping the baby so by your own standards the relationship is over whether he intends to be in a relationship with her or not.

Good riddance. Sorry this happened to you but you're better off without him.

Sorry, didn't realise.

Its a break up, you know how these go. Take some time, distract yourself, move on. Don't obsess over him or his possible new partner because he's scum.

You'll have a lovely life I'm sure.

The feelings you have now will lessen and you will feel better. I can understand that this must be very difficult for you right now but, in time, you will feel better and you will be happier. He, sadly, has shown himself and he isn't pleasant. Take care of yourself.

Omfgg, that would be it for me i’m
afraid, infidelity is never ok in my book no matter what the circumstances.

Don’t be sad that you’ve lost this man be fucking angry that he had the audacity to think he could treat you that way.

Stop thinking “why me, why am I without a man.” and get fucking raging angry that anyone dare do this to you.

Put yourself up on that pedestal that you put a man up on.

Your relationship with yourself is the longest one you’ll ever be in. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve and don’t let anyone in your space who doesn’t do the same.

You are worth more than begging for scraps of love and affection from less than men.

I agree it's unlikely that it was just one night. He is a nasty cheat with double standards (I bet his culture / religion that's causing him to get together with this woman doesn't encourage cheating). I'm sorry this happened to you but agree with others best you found out when you did

Bound to be. And that’s ok.

But every day will be a day closer to being over it. And if you go back, you will have to start the “getting over it” process all over again.

So keep reminding yourself of that. One step forward and no steps back. It’s the only way.

There is no way that some random woman is saying she’ll have a stranger’s baby after one night together if only he dumps you and starts a relationship with her. 🙄 You can’t possibly believe that story.

This is either a much more long term relationship that you are just now finding out about. Or this conversation just didn’t happen.

Either way, way too much drama. I’d be dropping him like a hot potato. He’s not who you thought he was.

You're mad if you don't run far, far away from this shitshow.

Let him go.
He made his choice, twice. When he cheated and now when he is choosing the child and the mother.
Just let him go

I may well be wide of the mark, but I’m sensing you feel competition with this woman ie he picked her over you. But he didn’t. He picked having a child over you. He picked his own self centred want…so selfish that he’s let a kid come into the fucked up situation rather than just not be a dad. It’s just nothing to do with you, or with her and everything to do with his dumb ass self

Take it one day at a time. And try and keep busy - see friends, eat nice food, spend time with your kids doing fun stuff. Be kind to yourself. Read good books. Watch fun movies. Fill your cup with non ex related stuff

He ended the relationship when he shagged someone else, regardless of there now being a baby.

You deserve better op

Why on earth are you putting up with this shit??!!!

I'm sorry you're going through this but regardless of him staying with her/keeping the baby you should leave him. You can't trust him now

So sorry, OP. At least you found out now. That 2.5 years could so easily have become 12.50 years. Just give yourself time and space to grieve the relationship. And go easy on yourself. Not everything is within our control.

You may not see it but this is a lucky escape. Drop him like a brick. Move on and allow someone who appreciates the woman you are to be with you.

Thankfully you werent more invested in him that you couldnt easily walk away

he said he had no problem with me or our relationship and it was a moment of regret.

This is the only bit you need to focus on really. He was in a long term relationship that wasn't so old and stale that he was unhappy or feeling ignored or dissatisfied in any way, far from it, he was happy. And yet he still had a one night stand. If he had one then it's quite probable that he had others. It's just that this is the only one he was forced to tell you about. If this one hadn't got pregnant there would probably have been many others after her that he simply didn't think to mention while being ostensibly quite happy with you.

he has no children and this has made him realise how much he wants a child..... he said she would only keep it if he has a relationship with her and that he will do whatever it takes in order for her to keep the child. For context he is from a completely different culture where this may be more expected.
However, my brain just can’t compute that he would throw our relationship away for someone demanding a relationship.

Well this is odd. He can't force himself to have a romantic/serious relationship with someone he barely knows, and neither can she. Maybe she meant she'd only keep it if he promised to have a relationship with the child and therefore regular contact and involvement with her? Even if he agrees to a romantic relationship there are no guarantees he won't break if off once the baby is born. Not that any of this is your problem, because you are going to ditch him after all this, right? And he's basically telling you that he's ditching you anyway.

Just a thought; you say he's from a very different culture. Is he in need of a visa to stay in the UK? Is this baby and a 'relationship' with its mother a means to an end for him? Will he be able to use them as leverage to avoid potential deportation?

Well done for ending it. I’m sure it’s tough for you. But totally the right decision. Sorry to say this but maybe get tested further STIs. Good luck. You deserve better.

Get fucking angry, not upset.
How dare he treat you like that?

Get tested for STIs.

Listen to @DaisyChain505 both her posts are excellent advice

Bin him. This is going to end badly.