Would this freak others out?

[Plankingponyclub]

Because it did freak me out a bit I guess.
Early days but I’m seeing a guy who honestly seems amazing. I’m not the most self confident person and I feel a bit inferior but that’s obviously my problem and not his fault.

Anyway I went to stay over at his for the first time this weekend and whilst the place is beautiful he had some weird stuff around which made me feel uneasy, like old style weapons. And we’re not talking about a nerdy 18 year old basement dweller but a man in his 40s with a good career and really good manners.

I did ask about them, and he explained that it was a hobby. He seems a bit eccentric which is fine, but I think I just don’t understand the interest and it made me feel a bit vulnerable if this makes sense?

He hasn’t given me any other reason to be wary, apart from me wondering why he’d be interested in me considering that we are quite different in some ways, but super compatible in others. I really like him and he seems really keen, too. I don’t want to make this awkward but I think others would find this a bit weird too?

I wouldn't be with him. My ex was obsessed with weapons and he was extremely abusive to a point I genuinely believe he's a psychopath, he had crossbows and a gun (don't know what, some kind of rifle he needed a license and cabinet for?). After him being abusive to a different ex he went to a psychiatrist thinking it would help him in court. The psychiatrist later went to the police about him and he lost his gun license because she said he had a dull, flattened affect when discussing everything, including his children, until he started talking about guns, weapons or violence when he perked up and became animated. That has been enough for me to never want to be with anyone who has a hobby involving, or a fascination with, any kind of weapon in future.

Crossbows are a red flag. There is literally no reason for anyone to own one.

If they make you uneasy do not keep seeing him.
I have a family member who liked guns and collected some disturbing books.
My father wouldn't have his items in the house (although my father was ex military and a farmers son). He turned out to be a very nasty man.
I see it like people who are cruel to animals ( they always say it's just animals). Does he shoot rabbits with these crossbows? because if he does he'd better eat them not call it 'sport'
If his values are not your values it will make you unhappy and could be dangerous.
I'd chuck him back.
Give me a poor decent man over a handsome, rich arsehole anyday.

If it makes you uncomfortable then it's probably not the right fit. I have a few swords myself. Some are family pieces others I've collected even some knives I've forged myself. I won't go near a gun though something my in laws can't fathom.

Weapon collecting isn't necessarily a red flag but most understand that it can make people uncomfortable. If it makes you uncomfortable that's that.

Trust your instincts.

Yes, this could be a perfectly harmless hobby but if something things off to you, trust it.

You barely see a three bed semi without a garden trebuchet on Rightmove these days. They're the new trampoline.

A collector of modern crossbows I'd find odd unless he belongs to a club and practices there. The antiques wouldn't worry me.

Ahhh…no, I would have sat down and had an excited old natter with him. I’ve got a crossbow, a bastard sword, two half moon axes…for his birthday a few years ago, I got my DH a forge experience so he added a very lovely dagger to the collection and his last birthday, I bought him a broadsword. And yes, I have a 19th century cat o’nine tails too.

I didn’t think that they were threatening, I always saw them more as fascinating conversation starters - DH and I both love history! I used to be a member of a historical re-enactment society and then moved onto medieval combat (which is MASSIVE fun, if painful 😂).

Different strokes for different folks - if that kind of thing makes you massively uncomfortable, then he’s probably not the right guy for you. But a vote here for the fact that you can be completely normal and lovely, and still like weaponry!

Cross bows have been around for more than a thousand years.

But never ignore those little feelings of uneasiness. Ime they are an instinct and are about more than what superficially seems to have triggered it. Would a crossbow in a museum make you feel uneasy? The likelihood is no. But a crossbow, not in a box, easy access in a man’s dojo that he has an unhealthy interest in…?

😆

I don’t know why but Graham Dwyer is coming to mind. Unless anxiety is a real issue for you, gut instinct is very valuable.

It probably wouldn't hurt for you to put in a Claire's Law request about him. That's in addition to the advice some PP have given to ask him about the objects. I'd not ask a general question, but ask him to tell you why he's got each specific item. If he's genuinely a collector, he'll be delighted with the opportunity to tell you their history or why he's got a replica of it. Good luck. I hope it either works out for you or you make a decision that he's not for you.

It's funny to see the professionally dramatically anxious falling over themselves to scream it's a red flag,

but back to the real world, it' s not "not normal", people collect different things, weapons are very common. They're not stored in a secret dungeon carefully hidden from the world are they?

Now if YOU don't like it for whatever reason, it's fine too. Walk away. You are both allowed to have your own interests and feelings.

but longbows would be ok?

I'm surprised how strongly I feel about this.

I grew up in a family with guns (for hunting), plus various butchery type knives.

There is something really sinister about things being out on show (which obviously shotguns aren't) and the whip is really creepy.

I thought it was there to deal with kids screaming on trampolines.

Are the Claymores real?

He is interested in weapons and psychology? Trust your instincts.

Very good 😁

Why would you think any of this was weird? It's a perfectly normal, quite popular hobby? Loads of people collect military things, old weapons etc, they're interesting, they have been involved in things through the years, history and all that is fascinating. He's not getting ready to go on some sort of rampage, he's just interested in something and now it's a hobby. People collect all sort of weird stuff, this seems no different?

I have several friends married to history buffs who take part in historical re-enactment events. Solicitors and teachers/lecturers, so totally respectable if slightly nerdy/bookish types. Many do stage fighting courses, or even actual fencing courses, and belong to archery clubs etc. They often put on displays at castles and hold anniversary events for families etc. Not my bag and, fortunately not my DHs’, but it may be worth just exploring what his ‘hobby’ actually is.

The wives of above DHs are just relieved they are not petrolheads rebuilding cars in the garage, or sports fanatics who watch nothing else and are out all weekend, so it takes all sorts.

NB: whenever they feature in Midsomer Murders and Father Brown, though, someone always gets brutally and dramatically murdered, so maybe not that benign after all LOL

We (my husband ) have two old swords and a replica sword on our stairwell. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions yet.

yes this!!

I think you get a prize for the most mumsnet reply ever.

How did he display everything? Or was only some of it displayed? The history thing does seem to make it appear a bit less worrying, I suppose. If he kept them under his bed, or strategically placed around the house for intruders then that might be a bit more worrying. He sounds like just a bloke with an interest, but you can only go on your own feelings really. I used to have a bookcase full of books about serial killers when I was younger, but I’m not one and was never planning to become one 😄