Would this freak others out?

[Plankingponyclub]

Because it did freak me out a bit I guess.
Early days but I’m seeing a guy who honestly seems amazing. I’m not the most self confident person and I feel a bit inferior but that’s obviously my problem and not his fault.

Anyway I went to stay over at his for the first time this weekend and whilst the place is beautiful he had some weird stuff around which made me feel uneasy, like old style weapons. And we’re not talking about a nerdy 18 year old basement dweller but a man in his 40s with a good career and really good manners.

I did ask about them, and he explained that it was a hobby. He seems a bit eccentric which is fine, but I think I just don’t understand the interest and it made me feel a bit vulnerable if this makes sense?

He hasn’t given me any other reason to be wary, apart from me wondering why he’d be interested in me considering that we are quite different in some ways, but super compatible in others. I really like him and he seems really keen, too. I don’t want to make this awkward but I think others would find this a bit weird too?

Can’t be. There can be only one…

I know someone who was very into collecting and displaying 'replica' weapons for a while when he wasn't in a good place emotionally. In his case it was definitely a red flag. Not that I think he would have actually snapped and gone on a murdering spree with one of his stupid swords, but it was linked to aggression/paranoia.

My friend is married for years to a man who collects weapons and whose hobby is going to military museums and also collecting war books etc. She has absolutely no interest. But he is a wonderful husband, very good with the now adult dc, very gentle really and in no way agressive in real life. She doesn't let the weapons be on public display but he has his own den full of stuff..no guns. She just sees it as a bit quirky but it doesn't affect her in any way but if you are not comfortable at this early atage is it worth pursuing. Is he obsessed in any way talking about war/ weapons etc or did they just happen to catch your eye on a visit?

I wouldn’t jump to thinking it was sinister or he was likely to use them. But it would put me off him and lead me to believe we wouldn’t be compatible.

They would only put me off him if I’d already had a strange vibe off him.
If he was great, funny, relaxed etc. I’d be really intrigued about his hobby, is he into history, what started the collection, is his family military etc.
If I walked in, saw all the weapons and thought “yep… that makes sense” as I’d already had doubts, I’d be out of there.

The crossbows and whip are a no from me.
I wouldnt continue to see anyone who made me feel uncomfortable. You shouldn't overlook that feeling with someone you barely know.

Yes. Even if there was no worry that he'd use them <and who knows> who on earth decorates their home with shit like this. Just shows a complete lack of taste, common sense and self awareness. Just because you have an interest in something does not mean you display it all over your home.

It'd be a no from me.

You’d hate my house. DH has a sizeable collection of swords. They are all replica’s of pop culture stuff - Lord of the Rings etc. He even has dinky little one from the main hobbit. Also the bow from the young guy elf with silver hair and a dwarves axe. He also has a huge claymore that’s meant to be a replica of some famous one, no idea where from though. He has futuristic weapons as well, with several light sabres from Star Wars.

Most of them he has wall mounted, they were all sold blunted, so no sharp edges so technically not classed as weapons from memory. He has quite a lot of other pop culture stuff, not limited to replica weapons. DH is not at all violent, we’ve been married for decades, and while not my thing personally, none of this has ever bothered me.

This is the typical thing that would become an issue once you move in together or get married. If you survived until then that is.

I understand your concern but I wouldn’t end the relationship over it.

Many men have weapons like this but only a tiny handful then go on to use them but it’s not about the weapons, it’s about the man himself.

Like how many farmers use guns to shoot their wives/themselves - just because a farmer owns a gun, doesn’t mean he’s more likely to shoot someone but if he did ever want to kill someone then there is a chance he would use the gun but there have been many more cases of using knifes, strangulation etc

I do completely get your concern and any man who brandishes a weapon is going to have a certain mindset, regardless of why he has that weapon.
My alarm bells would sound but I think statistically you are in no more danger of a man who owns a crossbow compared to one that owns a kitchen knife.

Carry on with him but just be on the look out for other red flags.

If it doesn't sit comfortably with you, that's fine - it sounds like he's not for you.

I don't think collecting weapons and militaria is a particularly unusual hobby. I once went out with a bloke who had a full suit of chainmail and a broadsword (sadly that was the only interesting thing about him 😆). Antique shops always have lots of that stuff, someone must be buying it.

I think you should look at it in the context of the overall vibe you get from him. Sometimes, it's not a single thing that puts you off, it's a jigsaw of different things that add up to it not feeling right. Ultimately, go with your instincts.

I guess he collects them but yes it is rather odd and you felt uncomfortable that is enough not to see that guy again. Always trust your instincts.

This. What about putting in a Clare's law enquiry?

It would make me uncomfortable.

When you say he is a bit eccentric, can you elaborate? What makes you say that?

I think I would ask myself what might happen if he found an intruder in his house. If he would call the Police, great. If I felt sure that person would never leave the property alive, not so much.

I wouldn't like it.

I get if they are reinactors/cos play and see why they'd need different crossbows if they had a hobby doing crossbow stuff (like guitarists have numerous guitars). I even get collecting ceremonial stuff.

But to just have some swords and crossbows lying about would make me uncomfortable. Not because I think he would attack me (I would think that but I know that is silly) but because I would wonder what sort of person wants things that are designed to hurt people.

Anyway, you need to decide if you could see past them and get used to them or not.

Depends on the weapons and hobby.. is it LotRs swords? LARP stuff? Medieval? Or WW memorabilia?

I think on a more general note, pay close attention to how this man makes you feel and don’t dismiss your feelings as being “the problem”
it doesn’t matter whether posters on here would be bothered by this…you are bothered by it and that matters.
a good relationship should make you feel safe. So far this one has made you feel inferior and creeped out. It might be worth taking a bit of time to reflect on that dynamic and wonder what your gut is telling you.

He definitely is into history and has a full bookshelf on specific topics such as history, art and psychology, so I know that it’s a hobby. Most of it seemed rather dark and grim but I think that’s fair enough. I don’t mind the historical weapons or replicas (he has some real ones but some are replicas), but he is not into any pop culture stuff.
It was the cross bows and the whip that made me uneasy. Probably because the cross bows were definitely modern and didn’t fit the interest in history.

He’s really interesting and good looking, and I really like him. It was just a bit of a weird feeling but probably something that I should just ask more about.

That would make me feel massively uncomfortable. If they are real weapons, why aren’t they safely locked away?

I live on the border of a semi-rural area and some agricultural shoots happen nearby. If I were dating I could just about accept that someone who is actually a farmer or landowner might hold a gun license for a reason and have a shot gun or hunting rifle in their home, but it should be properly stored and locked away. Even then I would be very uneasy. What about the possibility of intruders? A man on a local group showed a picture of a weapon that had been stolen from a safe in his house, saying that he ‘didn’t want it to fall into the wrong hands’. A bit late to worry about that I think!

It brings to mind the murder of Carol, Hannah and Louise Hunt and also the murder of Emma Pattison and her daughter Letty. Her husband held a gun license but god only knows why he was permitted to hold it while living in a school…Then the Plymouth murders. Tragic, appalling cases only made possible by the ability of private individuals to hold weapons in their homes.

No, just no. I would also consider having a conversation with the police.

Times have changed and I believe that the safety of innocent people far outweighs the freedom of others to hold or collect weapons.

I used to work with a man who collected shrunken heads. Yes, really. He was married (I don't know how happily. He was super weird - but maybe his wife was too 😂).

The point is, some partners can accept certain weirdnesses. Others can't. So it's all down to what you feel, and I think that's perfectly clear or you wouldn't have posted here.

Be true to your own feelings, OP.

Zero chance I would date a man who owned a crossbow, let alone two a bunch of knives and whips as well. Really weird and creepy.

If he’s a collector find out where his interest stems from.
I cannot see a problem

I'd say not a problem. Ask him about them and see how he responds.
As a rider to this most of my friends have stuff like this about, and I have way more but that is because we do re-enact, so they are part of the hobby/job. I'm sitting at work now and can count 2 swords, 3 pole weapons, 10 replica guns, bows, arrows, a whole load of maces... this is my normal.

If he answers in a way that makes you uncomfortable, then take that as evidence of incompatibility and say thanks, but no thanks.

You sound like a target, in more ways than one. Your inferiority comopex may be a huge attraction for him. There is yet more to be revealed by and about this man. 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

This. I'd be ok with weapons, although I'd (privately) be looking inot the legality of it but a whip? No.
But as @FOJN says what we think is not relevant. Its like any other thing when you are wondering if its a relationship worth pursuing. You can pull out for any reason.

Are the crossbows deactivated or do they work? Are the swords sharpened? If they’ve all been made safe it wouldn’t bother me, I’d just think it was a bit of a weird collection but if they’re working it would be a big no for me. My husband has shotguns in our house which I hated at first but I’m used to seeing them now. It someone wants to hurt another person they can just as easily use a kitchen knife or their bare hands, it doesn’t have to be a ‘weapon’ that does the damage. The whip is definitely a bit odd but there might be an interesting reason for having it.

I wouldn’t necessarily dump him immediately but I’d definitely need a conversation about why he has them!