Fiancé says he wishes I was dead

[Luna98]

Hi everyone my fiance and I were arguing and he just came out with I hate you so much I wish you’d die. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to make of it. He said sorry and that he didn’t know what he was saying it was out of anger. He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. Has anyone been through anything similar thanks in advance

Ummm really?! The engagement is over. Pawn the ring and block him on every number and social media outlet. Not necessarily in that order.

Take this as a golden opportunity to RUN.

There are 5 parts to a genuine apology. 1) Acknowledge what you’ve said or done is wrong and hurtful. 2.) Ask the wronged person what you can do or say to make things right. 3) Do that thing. 4) Make a commitment to them to never say or do that thing again. 5) NEVER DO IR SAY THAT THING AGAIN.
”Sorry” is not enough for appalling behaviour like saying, I hate you so much, I wish you’d die. OP this might escalate if you get married. It’s pretty classic abusive behaviour that may grow into DV.

RUN ...FAR AWAY. Do NOT marry this man. Imagine him being a father .... scary...

omg 🚩 run away

He needs to be an ex fiancé

He will say this to your kids - get out while you still can

OP please read up on Trauma bonding. He is not going to get better. Please get out while you can do so fairly easily.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He's emotionally abusive.
It will get worse.
Do not marry him.
RUN!

WTF!! Honestly, I've had a couple of vile relationships where the arguments have been horrendous bur never been told they wished I was dead. This is not normal OP, at all. Please get out

He absolutely does know why he says it @Luna98 - because he wants to say the most hurtful, abusive, devastating thing he can think of to punish you for arguing with him.
If he’s sorry it’s because he feels bad and knows it shows you what a prick he is. Not that it hurts you.

He doesn’t love you. Marrying him would be a gigantic mistake. Not one person who responds to this thread will give you the excuse you are looking for to make this better. Things will get worse after you marry him because he’ll know you’ll be too ashamed to leave him because you married him despite knowing what he is. An abuser.

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.

Believe every word he says to you. I say this with my whole chest.

Don't be like me. I have chronic illnesses now because I stayed too long 😔

from experience he will never change & if you stay with him he will slowly destroy your confidence & self worth. I was told 4 days after our wedding I was the biggest mistake of his life, I stayed and then over the years was belittled, called names & given the silent treatment, I made so many excuses for him & blamed myself. It took me 17 years before I gave up & walked away, it hurt & I don’t know if I will ever trust anybody again. Please don’t be me, he has shown you who he is

Have you ever wished someone you're close to dead OP?

What would you say if this was a friend asking advice from you?

I’m so sorry darling but echoing everyone else leave now. I know it’s easier said than done but please end it. You deserve to be loved by someone who truly loves and cares for you and he isn’t it as nobody who truly loves you would want you dead even in the heat of the moment.

My mums childhood was awful and she carries a lot of emotional scars, she has anxiety, frequently catastrophises things, wants to be there whenever she can for family and apologies when she can’t. For example DH is out tomorrow night and she was apologising because she can’t pick me up from work (I never asked) because she and my dad are going out to a concert and she feels guilty about it. I’m 42, I live 2 miles away from work as the crow flies, I’m finishing at 7pm and I have a bus pass so I’ll be fine. Despite all of this my dad still loves her and they will have been married 47 years in August. In all that time neither of them has ever wished the other dead. DH and I have been together for 10 and a half years and married for 7 and neither of us have ever said it to each other either.

Not all abusive relationships become physically violent, but you’d be surprised what some emotionally abusive men end up being capable of. Have you ever had a partner shout something like this at you? I think it would be very unwise to overlook something like this and say “maybe it will be ok” - what basis do you have for saying that?

The title should read ' Ex ' fiancé

I've never even considered saying that to people I hate!

Just, yikes

It's called emotional abuse. You need to leave, it won't end well.

You are living with emotional abuse and because you haven’t left, he knows he can carry on behaving this way and it will only get worse. It is a trauma bond. He also knows that he just needs to be kind and loving every now and then and that’s enough to keep you in the relationship. Have a look at Dr Ramani’s YouTube channel on narcissism - she is brilliant at supporting people to recognise the narcissistic behaviours in others. Seeing the man in full for what he is and recognising the patterns of abusive behaviour to keep you in this trauma bond, gives you the clarity you need to leave and never go back!

This is what some people do. They say the cruellest, most unforgivable things because it pleases them to do so. They enjoy your shock, the look on your face - and then they throw themselves on your mercy. They didn't mean it! They were angry/jealous/drunk! They lost their job/their dog died!

He did mean to wound you so badly; it is sport to him. He enjoys the power over you. He can knock you into despair, then get you doubting yourself, then wheedle you into feeling affection for him again. He is orchestrating your 'roller coaster of emotions'.

Do not marry this misbegotten git.

He's not your fiance any more now, is he OP? You deserve better than this, so does every woman. 🌸

Thanks for the replies. I realise that I do have to call off the wedding I just don’t know how to break it to our families as it’s next month. We have also just bought and furnished a house and it’s just so heartbreaking and confusing. This has all started recently within the last month he was never like this. He has become insanely jealous when I go out with friends (girls) or what I wear and has these sudden outbursts as he said he’s insecure as he knows I get male attention. I’ve never done anything to make him lose trust I’ve even had to cut off male friends due to his insecurities.

Leave. It won't get any better.

Oh love how difficult

yes call things off

the sudden onset - if you can persuade him to see a doctor that might be a good idea