Fiancé says he wishes I was dead

[Luna98]

Hi everyone my fiance and I were arguing and he just came out with I hate you so much I wish you’d die. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to make of it. He said sorry and that he didn’t know what he was saying it was out of anger. He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. Has anyone been through anything similar thanks in advance

Well done OP! You are an absolute legend! Also bit of a shout out to your Dad and brother. I love that your Dad was furious and spoke to your vile Exs parents. Don't worry we all have vile exes, you are so smart to have dumped this sorry loser. Much respect.

You need to completely break off with this guy. Seriously. This is only going to get worse and worse and become dangerous. 😧

She has.

And you're still calling him your fiance? I'd be outta there like a shot. What a cruel thing to say to someone you supposedly love. Angry or not you should never wish anyone you care for dead.

And you're still calling him your fiance?

No, she isn't. Read the thread.

@Gossipisgood
If you read all the op's posts you will see that she has broken off the engagement and called off the wedding.

Well done.
But how brilliant to hear what a supportive family you have. We hear so many tales of the opposite here on mumsnet.
It'll be odd at first as your vision of the future has changed. But I have a feeling you'll be just fine

Fantastic! I’m so happy to read this. Sending you all the good wishes in the world OP

Personally, I don't blame someone from disliking opposite sex friends, which I know seems old fashioned but it comes from experience with befriending men, which I just don't invest time in any more.

However, regarding the rest of it, I don't think it's a coincidence that he's suddenly changed, or rather, reverted to being the person he actually is. Something's changed within the power dynamic that likely goes beyond some sudden insecurity, and you can bet he will get so much worse once married.

Regarding his insecurity - I'd be almost wondering in your shoes if he himself has cheated and it's eating at him that you could do the same.

Leave, it will only get worse.

Read the thread. It was all resolved 2 days ago.

Of course I know that. But ideally we should have the minimal brains and spirit to acknowledge the worst, try to change it, and if it doesn't change - leave.

The OP is lucky to have had this happen before the marriage. If this isn't the reddest of red flags - what is she waiting for, until the abuse becomes physical?

You cannot change an abuser and it's dangerous to stay and try. Again, you're extremely lucky to be so ignorant of how abuse works.

I do wish people would read the OP's updates.

Either way, the point is that at this late date in history, women should be smart enough to leave.
Also, I wish people would stop using the "abuse" catch-all to cover everything from offhand insults to beatings severe enough to require a doctor.

I reiterate, please read the analogy about the boiling frog. It can happen to anyone - brain or no brains. It's psychological abuse

She's dumped him now.

I know . So pleased

I was replying to the poster that suggested that people who are emotionally abused like this have no brains

You've done the right thing. I'm so glad you have family to support you!

Oh I’d be dead. To him, anyway.