Fiancé says he wishes I was dead

[Luna98]

Hi everyone my fiance and I were arguing and he just came out with I hate you so much I wish you’d die. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to make of it. He said sorry and that he didn’t know what he was saying it was out of anger. He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. Has anyone been through anything similar thanks in advance

Don’t do what I did and go along with it because it’s easier. It’s really not easier in anyway.

Do you have children?

DO NOT MARRY HIM.

Cutting off friends etc is just the beginning. Do not allow him to sway you. It will get worse.

Sorry but I think you should seriously consider whether you should stay with him. Try and think. This is your whole and entire life you are thinking about. You don't get a re run. He sounds horrible and I feel could ruin your life. Like I said. You won't get another life. This is it

No we don’t have children, I’m 27 and he’s 30.

XH never said he wished I was dead, but he did tell me to fuck off, called me a bitch, an idiot, a cunt, during arguments. Always apologised.

it doesn’t get better. It eats away at your confidence and eventually at your love and respect for him.

We are divorced. I would save yourself the heartache and not marry him in the first place

DP on the other hand - has never once raised his voice to me or spoken to me with anything other than complete respect, love and kindness. I can’t believe I didn’t realise that this is how relationships are supposed to be

He thinks he's got you were he wants you, so the mask is slipping. It isn't uncommon for abuse/control to start straight after marriage.

Tell your immediate family first and tell them the truth, then go from there. They'll have your back and can support you through this.

Play this very carefully. You could be in danger.

hoping he’ll soon be an ex fiance.

You break it your families by telling them what he said to you. That will tell them all they need to know. Don’t protect him.

He has changed because he thinks you're already trapped by the impending wedding and the house purchase. So now he feels safe in ramping up the abuse.

It is NOT too late to call off the wedding. He is abusing you, and it's escalating. It will get worse once you are married, then get even worse again when you are pregnant and have his children. The more vulnerable you are, and the more you rely on him, the more the abuse will increase.

Start by telling your family. They will support you in calling off the wedding. And if they don't support you, they are very wrong.

Please take care, and whatever you do, do not marry this abuser!

I called off a wedding with a few months to go.

Family and friends were all really supportive.
People who love you just want what's right for you.

Also, I discovered breaking an engagement was surprisingly common!

He's an abuser, and he's just getting started. He's testing how much you will take. Just wait until you're married and pregnant. We've seen it all before on here, and many of us have been through long marriages with these men. IT NEVER, EVER GETS BETTER, ONLY WORSE!

Do you want to spend the rest of your life being told this? And who the hell does he think he is, talking to you that way?

Breaking up with an abuser is hard, because they mix a lot of sugar in with their shit. They have to, because it's easy to leave someone who's always horrible to you. And abusers can be very, very lovely when they're not being abusive. But you should judge your relationship by its worst parts, not its best parts. The man who tells you he wishes you were dead is who he really is.

You should read the book WHY DOES HE DO THAT by Lundy Bancroft. There's also a programme called The Freedom Programme about learning to recognise/escape abuse. I think it's free. Look into it.

Bottom line: This man is a terrible, terrible bet. Please, please do not tie your life to him. What do you think your family would say if they knew he said these things to you? Helpful hint: If you would be embarrassed to tell others what he says, it's abuse.

I would fucking break up with him and I would damn well tell his family the things he says to you. My exH was abusive and tried to pass off our split as a joint decision when the truth was he suddenly left me one day, saying I was too fat for him. You better believe I told his family the truth. I got a furious email from him containing the words "how dare you". 😆😆🤣🤣🤣

Please, get away from him. I'd rather be single for a thousand years than be with a man who speaks to me like that.

Isolating you from your friends is a massive red flag. It makes it much easier for him to control and abuse you. Sorry OP. This isn’t good at all, but you definitely need to call off the wedding.

I know it probably seems overwhelming to leave him, cancel the wedding, sell the homes.

But it will never be as easy to leave as it is now. Rip the plaster off. He’s abusive, and he will only get worse. If you stay, your life will be a misery. If you leave, you will be miserable for a short while but then you have a shot at a happy life.

My exH's abuse started a little bit after we'd booked the wedding, too. Then after marriage, oh boy...And he made sure to mix in an absolute ton of loveliness, too. These people are highly manipulative.

Run. And don’t look back.

DEFINITELY don't protect him. Tell everyone the vile things he says to you.

In fact, I'd email the entire guest list. This is all his fault, and I'd embarrass the hell out of him. (After you've found somewhere else to live.)

Believe him

Why fiancé if ex-fiance shaped?

Calling off a wedding isn't easy, but it's a picnic compared to being married to someone like this.

A friend whose dad is very wealthy called off a wedding with three weeks to go. No refunds and everything was really expensive. But at the end of the day, it's only money. Not being married to an abuser is priceless. The friend is now very happily married to someone else and they have a daughter.

Telling your families will be difficult. No where near as difficult as being married to this man wilo be. He is showing you a preview of how bad this is going to get. Be with someone when you tell him or be away from him first. This man is unsafe

Exactly. He says he wishes you were dead because, like all men who abuse women, he hates women and thinks he's above them. See the Lundy Bancroft book. All male abusers think women are inferior.

We argue, of course we do, but we can do it respectfully in that we criticise the actions/ideas - not verbally attack the persons character whom we profess to love.

This isn't love. You know it's not.

You don't deserve it. He can help it. Absolutely no excuses or reasons make this ok. He's trying to squash you, now you are financially tied and soon to be legally tied is a good time for him to start. And you will be isolated and trapped. You have already ended friendships, he doesn't want you going out, he wants to mess with your head about your appearance, doubt yourself ... he'll break your spirit until you're a shadow and haven't the strength to get away. Don't go down the sunk costs way of thinking either, that you've invested so much already it really needs to work out. Just cut your losses.sorry if that sounds melodramatic but these things run a well travelled course.

Your life partner should make you feel more yourself not less.