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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fiancé says he wishes I was dead

471 replies

Luna98 · 23/07/2026 20:56

Hi everyone my fiance and I were arguing and he just came out with I hate you so much I wish you’d die. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to make of it. He said sorry and that he didn’t know what he was saying it was out of anger. He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. Has anyone been through anything similar thanks in advance

OP posts:
Sodthesystem · 25/07/2026 20:18

Standard move for his sort, to try and make you out to be the issue to other people.

Chances are he was the one cheating btw.

Also even if you were, wouldn’t be a reason to go total psycho on you and make threats.

So glad your family are having none of it. Just google the “narcissist smear campaign” and “narcissist hoovering” so you can be prepared for any other tactics he might try.

Mum4MrA · 25/07/2026 20:19

Well done for taking this step. You have a new life ahead of you to enjoy! 💐

Mlc79 · 25/07/2026 20:26

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

I’m so glad to hear this and that your family was so supportive.
You won’t regret your decision.
Well done 👏🏼
Take care of yourself

AnonyMumAuDHD · 25/07/2026 20:36

@Luna98 Am so pleased for you - especially that your family have come out swinging in support of you. With any luck his parents will encourage him to get into therapy because there is no way his behaviour is normal.

Best of luck going forward.

TeenToTwenties · 25/07/2026 20:41

Well done.

EarthSight · 25/07/2026 20:43

Just read your update - well done OP.

There's no coming back from that, not in my book. At best, it shows a child-like inability to control his emotions, which spells so much trouble for the future, and at worst, he does actually mean it.

JennyBG · 25/07/2026 20:45

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

I am SOOOO glad that you have put your own worth before anything and anyone. Life is too short to live it with someone who doesn’t love and respect you completely. All the very best in your future my lovely…you deserve the world and more xx

Imdunfer · 25/07/2026 20:51

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

Congratulations on a good decision, commiserations for the utter mess he's made of your life right now, and huge best wishes for the future.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 25/07/2026 21:05

"My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified"

So glad his behaviour is not being hidden!
👏👏👏👏👏

XigDoop · 25/07/2026 21:09

Well done, you will do so much better.

3luckystars · 25/07/2026 22:03

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

Well done. You must be reeling. I’m so happy your parents have backed you to the hilt. Wishing you a happy life x x

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 25/07/2026 22:17

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

I’m so pleased to read this - and your family sound awesome! Now the house can be sold all via your dad’s solicitor without you having to deal with him!

Onlyme7575 · 25/07/2026 22:26

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

You have done the right thing,you have a great family to support you,I wish you all the best for the future xx

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 25/07/2026 22:35

Well done !

I am so pleased your parents are supporting you, and that your father has well and truly stepped up.

ThingsCouldBeEasier · 25/07/2026 22:57

Well done, OP, and great that your family are being so fantastic.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 25/07/2026 23:00

That must have been so hard. I'm sorry it came to this but you've made the right decision, remember that when he's trying to get back into your life. Your family will be a huge help and support to you in the coming months ❤️

The best of luck for the future 💐

Empress13 · 25/07/2026 23:02

So glad you’ve come to your senses . Wishing you all the best for the future

Retiredfromearlyyears · 25/07/2026 23:09

Like the others are saying. Leave him now. He absolutely doesn't love you! It would be bad enough saying it once. However you said "He says horrible things when he's angry" My husband has never said that or anything remotely like that in 36 years of marriage.
That's not a normal reaction.
He won't stop. If he wishes you dead he will escalate and will eventually attack you. Offload him! Take care!

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 26/07/2026 00:41

Retiredfromearlyyears · 25/07/2026 23:09

Like the others are saying. Leave him now. He absolutely doesn't love you! It would be bad enough saying it once. However you said "He says horrible things when he's angry" My husband has never said that or anything remotely like that in 36 years of marriage.
That's not a normal reaction.
He won't stop. If he wishes you dead he will escalate and will eventually attack you. Offload him! Take care!

Please read the thread. She’s finished it with him.

JemimaTab · 26/07/2026 00:43

Well done OP - I know it can’t have been easy. But what a complete maggot he is, trying to blame you and save his own skin by claiming he thought you were having an affair. As if that would justify anything.

REP22 · 26/07/2026 12:31

Well done @Luna98 - that can't have been easy. I'm so glad that you have such a supportive, proactive family who have your back. You have 100% done the right thing.

I wish you and your family all the very best for the future, and hope that in time you will find a decent man who will love and cherish you as you deserve. xx

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 26/07/2026 13:24

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

I am so happy that you've called off the wedding and are being protected by your family.

You deserve a wonderful partner who will be thanking the universe every single day for you, and you will find that.

Iamnotalemming · 26/07/2026 13:54

Well done for taking charge of your destiny. A better life awaits.

BySharpPanda · 26/07/2026 15:36

Well done love, you deserve much better, I'm so pleased for you, hold your head high and be proud of yourself, very best wishes 🥰

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 26/07/2026 15:53

You dodged a bullet, OP.

This is the smartest decision you have ever made in your life. When you get to 90, you'll look back and see how you saved yourself.