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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fiancé says he wishes I was dead

471 replies

Luna98 · 23/07/2026 20:56

Hi everyone my fiance and I were arguing and he just came out with I hate you so much I wish you’d die. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to make of it. He said sorry and that he didn’t know what he was saying it was out of anger. He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. Has anyone been through anything similar thanks in advance

OP posts:
lilkitten · 25/07/2026 13:13

No, not acceptable in any way. I am someone who can get very upset, and DP and I do argue sometimes, but it's never got personal like this with such anger towards each other. I would leave.

Onlyme7575 · 25/07/2026 13:35

Luna98 · 23/07/2026 20:56

Hi everyone my fiance and I were arguing and he just came out with I hate you so much I wish you’d die. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to make of it. He said sorry and that he didn’t know what he was saying it was out of anger. He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. Has anyone been through anything similar thanks in advance

He is showing his true colours.please get out while you can.xx

Mykneesareshot · 25/07/2026 14:38

What if he's not lying?

ExplodingSmittens · 25/07/2026 14:44

Mykneesareshot · 25/07/2026 14:38

What if he's not lying?

That’s a good point. I always think that if people say mean things in anger or when drunk you’re seeing what they really think and they usually manage to suppress saying those things normally.

Sadly I think the OP has either been love bombed by this utter scumbag or she’s scared and cannot come back.

TheSunnySwan · 25/07/2026 14:53

In the bin he goes how dare he say that

Ump · 25/07/2026 15:49

I just don’t know how to break it to our families

So sorry that you find yourself in this situation so close to the wedding OP, but you just tell them that the wedding won't be going ahead because he said he wished that you were dead.

I'm not sure what possible excuses "anyone" could come up with for that.

Rubberduck76 · 25/07/2026 17:14

Really sorry OP. I don't think you can take this kind of comment back...how old is he? He sounds like a child. Not sure you can marry someone that says this to you...writing on the wall.

Sodthesystem · 25/07/2026 17:49

I mean someone who says they wish you were dead…pretty high on the list of people who would actually kill you.

And that’s without all the faux jealously thrown in.

Original poster
Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

OP posts:
RisingSunn · 25/07/2026 19:43

I am so pleased for you.

EmeraldDreams73 · 25/07/2026 19:43

Oh, well done OP! I'm so proud of you and so glad your family were so supportive. You've done the right thing, the only possible thing and will look back on this as a huge turning point in life. Many of us wish we'd had the foresight and support to do what you've done. 💐

ExplodingSmittens · 25/07/2026 19:48

Wow o can’t believe that he still tried to convince your DB that you were cheating. Obviously in his head he’s done nothing wrong.

You have been so strong in calling off the wedding. That is probably one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.

Pessismistic · 25/07/2026 19:48

Wel done op what an absolute tosser good riddance to him.

RunningJo · 25/07/2026 19:49

I’m so glad to read your update OP, I’m sorry it ended this way but equally glad you found out now.
it sounds as if you have excellent family support x

Heretohelp1111 · 25/07/2026 19:51

Well done you! You have saved yourself so much hurt and misery, and probably physical abuse too. So pleased your family have all supported you.

TimeDoesntStandStill · 25/07/2026 19:54

Sounds like you have a very supportive family. A difficult time for you, but a true gift to have a family like that to look after you 💐🥰

TheyGrewUp · 25/07/2026 19:59

@Luna98 I am glad you have made this decision. Be thankful for your family. Positive vibes for a wonderfully future. I hope the dust settles soon.

NautilusLionfish · 25/07/2026 20:01

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

hugs and good luck @Luna98 You have an amazing family. And sounds like good missed-in-laws. Take care of yourself. You are brave!

OldScribbler · 25/07/2026 20:02

A recipe for total disaster. Get out now.

Chocolateistheanswer2026 · 25/07/2026 20:03

That is such good news. It sounds like your family have been fantastic and you will have their support going forwards. I'm sure you will find a wonderful man one day who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Well done for standing up to him and ending the relationship.

Tiddlywinks63 · 25/07/2026 20:05

Well done you! What a lovely family you have to support you and keep the idiot away.
💐

ZedNotZee54321 · 25/07/2026 20:06

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

Well done ❤️

Anyahyacinth · 25/07/2026 20:10

Luna98 · 25/07/2026 19:38

Thank you so much for all the kind advice. I have ended the engagement and called off the wedding. I told my parents everything and they were furious. My father has asked his solicitor to take out an anti molestation order and told him that any further contact has to be made through his assistant and solicitor but he’s not allowed to contact me. My father also told his parents what was going on and they were horrified. He called my brother begging for a final chance he said he was worried I was cheating on him. So strange. My brother scared him off though lol. I feel like I’ve definitely made the right decision as I couldn’t be with someone that unstable. Thank you so much everyone 💗

Edited

Sorry about the hurt OP...but sincerely congratulations for escaping this future misery 💐💐💐💐🌿💐💐🌿💐

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 25/07/2026 20:10

I’m pleased for you too! Do you need to have legal advice re the house, furniture and finances? If so, better now while it’s fresh in your mind.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 25/07/2026 20:11

OldScribbler · 25/07/2026 20:02

A recipe for total disaster. Get out now.

Oh dear.