Fiancé says he wishes I was dead

[Luna98]

Hi everyone my fiance and I were arguing and he just came out with I hate you so much I wish you’d die. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to make of it. He said sorry and that he didn’t know what he was saying it was out of anger. He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. Has anyone been through anything similar thanks in advance

Yeah dont marry him thats not a good sign. What’s going to happen when you go through stressful times as a married couple?

Just rip the plaster off and tell everyone it's over, you cannot live your life like a cloistered nun, just to assuage your partner's anxieties and insecurities

I’ve even had to cut off male friends due to his insecurities

Well there's your red flag 🚩🚩🚩.
Why are you still engaged to someone who would do that to you?

Leave him. Now. You'll have to sell the house and split the proceeds. Easier now - the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

I was engaged to someone once @Luna98 who was lovely 95% of the time but when angry would lash out and say horrible things to me verbally. I grew emotionally distant from him and eventually we called off the wedding and broke up.

We're still friends 10 years later and I think about him a lot but I couldn't face being married and managing with that in front of children.

He never moved on and I find that hard but we went to counselling and he literally said he couldn't change.

Do you really need a bigger red flag?

There is absolutely no circumstance where it's is acceptable for a partner to say that to you. Not normally one to jump too quickly to the leave him posts, but yes leave him. Absolutely do not marry this man.

1. hes a twat dump him
2. I had an ex do almost exactly this. Suddenly jealous out of no where. He was cheating. With my best friend. Realised I had no clue, so he would have no clue if I was doing similar and went off the deep end with jealousy ... when he was the one cheating.

You'll lose money but better late than never. Don't even give what other people think any consideration at all. His behaviour's appalling so call it quits while it's still relatively simple.

He hates you.
He should be your ex.

Well, thank the lord for that!

He never used to be like this until he was reasonably sure he had got you under control, and you were trapped, is my immediate thought.

You definitely ought not to marry him, and if it is awkward and embarrassing to call off the imminent wedding, well, better embarrassed than abused, and definitely better embarrassed than tied to him by a child as well as abused. Talk to a lawyer about getting back your half (or share, whatever) of any investment in the house, but even if you can't, cut your losses and go.

Are you able to tell your parents what has happened and if you do, will they support your decision?

Go

That red mist is dangerous. Now imagine him saying that whilst stood over you....this is where that is heading. You don't need to worry about what to say to your families when calling off the wedding, tell the truth, they wouldn't want you in that situation. Just that sentance alone will justify it, never mind the coercive control. Stay safe. Leave now.

Good for you calling it off. You marry him, he'll feel he has even more control. Were you to have children, even more and would escalate.
I have been married for 29 years; together 35. DH has never called me any worse than a stupid twat (in jest)

Tell everyone you trust, and tell them why. I don't wish to alarm you but this could be a dangerous time for you as his control over you slips.
Do not hesitate to call the police if he threatens you, is violent, or throws something at you or breaks something in front of you.
Look at a domestic violence charity like Women's Aid or the Freedom Programme.

OP, so he’s said more than this? What else has he said?

My brother is like this, he sends the most horrendous abusive texts when he is stressed or angry then expects me to carry on as normal as if nothing has happened. Dad was the same. Same type of men. It is emotional abuse and it has affected me my whole life and I don’t live with them.

You are being asked to accept this in your own household day in day out. Please don’t. He is showing you what your life will be like and as others have said once you have children you will be far more stuck than just having a house to sell. Dont settle for this, it is abuse.

Run, at the very least tell your friends and family and really look and listen to their reaction. It is not normal nor is it acceptable. Better cancelling a wedding now, no matter how awkward it will be, than walking out 10 years from now browbeaten with children in tow, fighting him over custody.

If he feels safe enough wishing you dead now when you are only engaged to him, what will be like when you are married? This is real red flag time.

This is not normal, you know that.

My husband of many decades would never behave like this. Please don’t accept this or listen to excuses from him as it will happen again and again. It’s part of him.

Thank goodness you're not married to him and don't have children. While of course it'll be upsetting calling off the wedding and selling the house that is so much easier and better an option than doing it later down the line once you're married and you're used to his abuse.

DH and I have had our share of arguments in our time but he has never, ever wished me dead or told me he hates me. Believe your fiancé......nobody that loves you would say something like that.

OP, I married someone like that. Said he loved me. Ha ha yeah right. Cut me off from my friends, blacked my eye (twice)...

It doesn't matter how embarrassed you feel, how much money you lose on the wedding, how much you feel you've let people down. Find a friend or relative who will take you in for a while and get away from him xx

Ex-fiance you mean

He’s showing you a massive red flag 🚩 He won’t improve or change. Put him in the bin!

You're child free and could walk away!!

@Luna98

How are you doing today?

I can imagine your life as you know it has just fallen through the floor - a hell of a lot to think on

WTF - ex fiancé.

It doesn’t matter what you tell them as long as you don’t put yourself in the position of being married to him.

Get advice from Women’s aid to extricate out of the relationship safety.

RUN!!!!!!

The wedding is close, he feels he's got you trapped now and the mask has slipped. As despicable a creature as he is deep down, he's done u such a favour by showing his true colours before the wedding. Usually it's a bit down the line till they have cut you off from your support network, got u financially dependant and with child. Cancelling a wedding is big but nothing compared to the devastation of many, many women. And remember when you are cancelling that LOTS of other women will know exactly what u going through. Be brave.

I think i would tell them the truth. What he said to you and how controlling he's become. Up to him what he tells people.

Leave before you are married and or have children with him, he is emotionally unstable!