Am I wrong for wanting to move in with my partner?

[Skyeblue91]

I was married for 10 years and we have two boys together. We divorced several several years ago and the boys are 13 and 16.
i now have a serious relationship with a woman that lives 4 hours away.
my ex husband is married and stays in a city near by.
me and my kids live with my grandmother.
i brought up wanting to move in with my partner and you would have thought the roof caved in.
i said the boys had two options, live with me or their dad.
neither one of them want to live with their dad they want to stay at my grandmothers. Since we’ve been there all these years.
but now I’m being told that I don’t love my children enough to be around them anymore. I’m being told that my happiness doesn’t matter. My youngest told me he hates me because I want to do this. Can someone PLEASE give me your opinion. I’m back into a corner.

At those ages moving 4 hours away means losing all their friends and trying to get a place at a new school.
has the 16 year old done GCSEs? Presumably they have a place at a sixth form.

no, they won’t want to move.

They are children, seriously what did you expect ?

Can your partner move to your area?

Why can't your girlfriend move to you?

Why can’t your partner move four hours to be with you?

I wouldn’t dream of uprooting my teens at this age unless it was unavoidable.

You gave them an impossible choice. Don’t be surprised you get a huge backlash.

Who is telling you?

I mean, they're teenage boys, they certainly don't care about your love life.

Would you be moving in to her house, or could she move near to where you live now? Asking your children to move 4 hours away at those ages is a lot.. they would have to give up seeing their dad and grandma on a regular basis, as well as all of their friends.

So basically they don't want to live with their mother who is in a lesbian relationship? They also don't want to move schools etc, lose friends and move 4 hours away? What did you expect ?

Seriously selfish to move them all that way away at those ages. They will be settled in school, have their friends and not want to be moving 4 hours away.

How can you possibly have a serious relationship 4 hours away> How often do you even see her? The three of you moving in with someone you haven't spent that much time with is a disaster waiting to happen.

It's horrible that you told them they either move in with your partner or have to live with their dad - why aren't they your priority? She needs to move to you. I can't believe you're even considering it, poor kids.

Wait until they are older. They are still dependent on you right now and must come first.

You can’t seriously be considering leaving your children to live with a partner?

What does the grandmother think about it? Is she happy to have the boys?
Have you discussed with this new woman whether she can move nearer to you? You could rent something together.
Or leave things as they are. I live 3 hours away from my partner - he drive here to spend a week with me, then I drive to him. It works.
Really, the boys' happiness comes first.

Can you blame them?! Seriously?

Is this some kind of reverse?

The kids need to be your priority not your girlfriend!!

Oooof
moving in with someone they barely know
moving away from their friends and the stability of what they know
does this woman have kids? Does she want to share her house with angry teenage boys?
You’re being a bit of a twit.

Of course your kids don’t want to move. How well do they know your partner anyway. As others said why can’t your partner move?

You want to uproot your children for a new relationship, it does seem like you only thought about yourself.

Why would your sons want to uproot every aspect of their lives to live with your girlfriend?

How often would they be able to see their father if you moved them 4 hours away?

Even without the issues of the relationship with the other parent and the close relationship to the grandparent, these are very difficult ages for children to move. Your partner can move to you or you can wait until your children are older. Your children are supposed to be your priority.

Yes you are wrong.

Your kids are teens with strong bonds to where they currently are and you want to disrupt those bonds and their entire lives so you can live with your gf 4 hours away.

How long have you been with your gf? You haven't lived together before, so you have no idea if you're compatible living together or if she's compatible with your kids. This has been a long distance relationship, how well does she know your kids?

Why can't gf move to your area?

Is their dad where you currently are? What's your custody schedule like?

How old is your grandmother?

This is not a good move on your part. You're putting your wish to live with your gf ahead of the best interests of your kids. I think you should wait until your kids are out of school

You’ve shaken their entire world…..what reaction did you expect? Put them first, your time will come.

You must know what a huge upheaval that would be at those ages. The only reason to move with a 16 and a 13 year old is if it's the only option to stay in employment and pay the bills.

You have unfortunately told your boys that they are not as important as your partner, and have done so very directly by offering them such a non choice - why does moving four hours away have to be the price they pay to live with you?

What is stopping your partner moving to your town and the two of you starting afresh with a new rental together where your teens are at school and have their friends, their hobbies and their extended family?

I understand how it sounds selfish. My partner owns a home and would have to sell it and find employment where I live, which is going to put her way less as far as pay grade is concerned. I do love her. I want happiness. I love my boys with everything in me.
their dad is on his third marriage. He does whatever he wants when he wants and then pisses on my parade when I bring anything up about a partner. He only comes to see them about once a week.

i said the boys had two options, live with me or their dad.

Wow.

Leave them with their grandmother. She seems to be the one adult in their lives who they realise puts them first. Go and live with your girlfriend.