Am I wrong for wanting to move in with my partner?

[Skyeblue91]

I was married for 10 years and we have two boys together. We divorced several several years ago and the boys are 13 and 16.
i now have a serious relationship with a woman that lives 4 hours away.
my ex husband is married and stays in a city near by.
me and my kids live with my grandmother.
i brought up wanting to move in with my partner and you would have thought the roof caved in.
i said the boys had two options, live with me or their dad.
neither one of them want to live with their dad they want to stay at my grandmothers. Since we’ve been there all these years.
but now I’m being told that I don’t love my children enough to be around them anymore. I’m being told that my happiness doesn’t matter. My youngest told me he hates me because I want to do this. Can someone PLEASE give me your opinion. I’m back into a corner.

My mum moved me over 200 miles away from where I grew up to have a fresh start. I was 12/13 and I hated her for it for years. I had no friends, no family around me. Within weeks she had a new man and we moved again. I then ended up spending almost a year living with our original next door neighbour and trying to build a life there while my mum was 200 miles away with her new man.
I grew up feeling I never belonged anywhere. I still don't have friends. I missed out on so much time with my family.
Please do not do this to your kids.
First and foremost you are thier mum and they deserve your full attention and care until they are 16/18 minimum.
If you do this you will lose them as you are putting them way down your priority list when they should come first.
If your partner loves you that much she can move and give up her life to be with you.
Get a place together where you live now if your not happy. But DO NOT do this to your children

What kind of men do you wish your sons to grow into? They’ve already adjusted in their short lives to one parental break down and now you want to inflict an even worse one on them, given their age. (nothing to do with same sex btw) The example you seem set on giving them is that relationships are cheap and that hurting those closest to you is simply collateral damage, but not your problem. If your budding relationship really IS serious then I’m sure you can both be sensible enough to bide your time and arrange work-arounds which will allow you to form a deep connection which will flourish into a happy-ever-after when your boys have grown. You might even think to apologise to everyone for the temporary upheaval you’ve caused. (optional) Otherwise…. YABU.

Is there any urgency to move in together now? I never get why people rush relationships rather than enjoying them, particularly when they have other shit going on in their lives. Living together doesn't make things magically better.

I don't buy the comments from some that your girlfriend would be making no sacrifices here - she is potentially opening her home to you and your kids, which isn't small beer. But I do think you would be better off waiting until the kids are a bit older and at uni or in work and continuing to enjoy your relationship with your new partner in the interim.

Your ex sounds a complete chud, btw.

I have found myself contemplating a very similar situation to yourself. If my partner did not have children herself, I would never dream of asking my children to move so that i could live with her.

It doesn’t just sound selfish, @Skyeblue91 - it is selfish - staggeringly so.

Your boys already have one thoughtless parent who prioritises themself, not their kids, now you want to make that two selfish parents.

I hope you have read this thread, and are going to put your kids first - but I suspect you haven’t had the answers you wanted, and have flounced.

Really? This seems really selfush at the age your children are at. For them the floor and/or roof may well have caved in

You want to leave your children to live with your girlfriend 4 hours away and you’re wondering why your children think you don’t care about them? What the fuck is this shit. Just leave them with their grandmother as she’s the only one who seem to care about them

Just to quote my reply to an earlier PP who said a similar thing to you . . .

"But it's not the boys grandmother ~ OP states that she is living with her grandmother which means that she's the boys GREAT-grandmother

We can safely assume that great-grandmother is fairly elderly and I would query whether it's the right thing to choose to leave two teenage boys with an elderly lady whilst they complete their education

G-GM may have health conditions or may develop health or mobility issues in the next few years. Should she have responsibility for two teenage boys whilst her granddaughter chooses to move four hours away? And is it fair on two teenage boys who should be concentrating on their education and normal teen life to be living with an elderly lady?

I feel extremely sorry for the great grandmother ~ OP and her sons have been living in her house so I am sure she must have made a lot of personal sacrifices during the past few years. And OP doesn't seem to have considered her at all, it seems very selfish to me"

Your children are teenagers, I think you should stay put until the youngest is 18 and looking to build their own life. If you are your girlfriend are meant to be you'll make long distance work or she will figure out moving closer.
This is not the time that you put yourself first.

This.

Put your kids first and work something else out.