hygiene - he cannot change I guess it’s over

[Howldens]

My partner never ever brushes his teeth. His feet reek like you wouldn’t believe (like the worst blue cheese smell), he snores so loudly and farts so loudly it wakes me at night. he leaves skid marks on the toilet and often in his pants. He smokes and he drinks, he covered the garden in fag butts. I think something must have happened to him growing up to prevent him from properly maturing in this respect.

he wants sex and obviously I am repulsed by him. Sometimes we do have sex and I do enjoy our intimate connection when I can get past these issues. He is kind, patient and intelligent.

i have tried to talk to him about it quite a few times, he said I was being “mean” so I dropped it. I tried again but skirted the issue and focused on the fag butts….

We had a fight tonight and I finally said if he can’t sort this we have no future… but I am doubting myself, feeling guilty for feeling this way.

i just needed to write it down because I am starting to doubt myself.

Wow. I wouldn’t last 8 days with a man who doesn’t brush his teeth never mind 8 years.

He doesn't clean the toilet as he sees that as your job, to literally clean his shit. So disrespectful.

Those are basic must haves. I couldn’t even get past the first date with a man like that. He’s not good for you if he can’t even take care of himself.

This can not be true 🤣 nobody I’m sorry in the right mind would allow this to happen never mind 8 yrs .
his breathe must reek , his odour stink , and the other things just make me feel psychically sick 🤢

His mates must luv him (not) smelly arse

The thing that is the biggest concern is his unwillingness to address what are objectively unappealing and unattractive things about himself in order to help his relationship. If I was doing things that my partner admitted to finding unattractive, and they were things most people would find off-putting, I would be doing my damnedest to address them. Why would you be OK with repulsing your partner?

He needs to go. This is utterly disgusting.

My dog has better hygiene, and she hates baths.

Not to put to fine a point on it..his cock must stink.
If this is real and not a figment of someone's imagination.

The thing is, it's SO common that men behave like this. Zawn Villines, a feminist writer, did a series of surveys and was staggered to learn from women how many men don't clean their arses. Like they shit and get up without using loo paper or water. Their pants are skid marked constantly. She's not the only one, there are baffled male dating coaches who are also saying things like, "Buddy you need to wash your butt and brush your teeth, at the very LEAST!"

There was also a very believable OP here the other day who mentioned that her partner leaves skid marks in the bed.

I don't know why but there is a substantial minority of men who don't care that they reek and walk about in beshitted clothing.

I’m sorry, but this is disgusting. How on earth have you put up with this for so long?

I'm surprised you got together with him.

End it.

Ugh I could not have got together with anyone with such poor habits in the first place! My DH would shower twice a day when we first got together (reduced to one after awhile), and was meticulous about his oral hygiene. It’s not just about showing you respect but also self respect.

I know - I can’t imagine kissing him, even a chaste little peck. Just makes me feel a bit nauseous.

Can tell it’s the start of school holidays!

Apart from the general horrendous hygiene and terrible manners does your supposedly intelligent partner not know that poor dental hygiene can fuck your heart?

There's a season that 17thC death lists in England listed "teeth" as the cause of death in adults.

Maybe, I think OP has gone overkill on this on. I do not believe any woman would put up with all that.

Yeah, this is bollocks. Nobody could spend five minutes with a person like that, unless they were also a grubby pig. So I call attention seeking shitpost.

On the one hand I am repulsed, and I don’t understand how you stay with someone like this for seven years. Surely at some point in the early stages of dating you decide “ewww that’s gross” and end it.

But on the other hand, I agree with you that something must have gone wrong in his upbringing/youth for him to be like that, so I have some sympathy. I’ve only ever known one person like this and he had been on his own (without parents) since he was about 16 or 17.

If he exists at all she can feel sorry from him from a long, long way away. I feel sorry for dogs with the mange but obviously I'm not letting them sit next to me or lick me.

That was the first thing that I thought!
Plus his breath must be rancid.
It must stem from being a child and not being taught personal hygiene

I'm in camp: sit him down and give him an ultimatum.

He might not realise the teeth, feet and skid marks are bothering you, and he clearly doesn't see it as an issue himself (smelly or health). Does he have sensory issues around tooth brushing and washing generally?

Does he wash his hair? Penis? Body? Hands? How often does he shower?

Does he wear socks in his shoes? Does he need new shoes? Does he trim his nails?

It's time he got on board with personal hygiene and he needs to recognise his relationship is at stake if he doesn't.

He sounds revolting and if he can’t see how his lack of basic hygiene is an issue then he isn’t the one for you. You should not have to put up with that, it’s disgusting.

Leave today.

8 years - whaaat ? 😮I think he's outlived his usefulness. Time to get rid methinks 🤔

NO! How can you possibly be physically close to this man who has no self respect or respect for you. He must make the house stink. After 8 years you might not notice it. Filthy, filthy man. Makes my stomach turn. Leave him to fester.