The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Someone just asked if I had had any dates from the site. I said I'll tell you if we meet.

He said "ask me nicely" WTAF! BLOCK!

What a weirdo!

Still following along and enjoying all of your stories!

A bit of background from me, mid forties, divorced 4 years ago, had a 2yr situationship because I didn’t want a relationship, decided I actually wanted to be in a relationship with him after 2 years, he didn’t, was heartbroken about that, but actually met someone else 6 days later!! However, he started pulling back after 4-5 weeks, and then said he was struggling to see it becoming something serious and this was after 8 weeks of dating. This was 2/3 weeks ago now. I am still gutted about both men and have to try super hard everyday not to message the most recent 😞. This is the very short version.

I am having a break from the apps until I feel better and have got over the latest man! - although I did go on two dates last week but didn’t like any of them so need to go in with a clear head I think.

@Nosdacariadwe are both doing well not texting these men who are not good enough for us, but it is tough!

@bluelightwonder yes we are doing well.
We're on exactly the same timescale too.

What happened to end it?

@Ilovelurchers Lol, not a job unless he’s some kind of social media creator…

No time for me today. All on hold. The offer I mentioned. PMj had an odd date. He asked her to be his Mistress.

She said she thought he was unmarried. His reply was that he wasn’t married, so did she want to be his Mistress? PMj queried whether that meant she had to put on a basque and cane him and he said ‘no not in that sense’. She is not at all sure what he means but thinks it is low attachment FWB, available at short notice, plus he would be paying her rent. Rearrange the words: Than Money More Sense. She asked me whether this is a common thing in England and I said not so far as I know in the 21st Century.

PMj should write a novel 😁

It gets better, he insists his job is surfing, but he lives in the Midlands! I pointed out we don't have many waves, but he replies "where there's a will there's a way."

I think he is having me on, bur I can't work out what his angle is. He is vaguely amusing though, so I might keep messaging him for now, until I get my head back in the game properly.

I showed my daughter his profile and she observed that he is incredibly good looking for a 40 year old!! Praise indeed from her! 🤣 Yet I am not remotely convinced they are actually his photos. ....

I've unmatched all the othera as there was nobody with any promise. I do keep checking Bumble in the idiotic hope that Mr Insurance will return and explain he has been kidnapped/ifalsely arrested/in a coma/lost the use of his hands ....

I guess he could be a professional surfer based in the midlands...🏄‍♂️🏄‍♂️🏄‍♂️

Trigger warning - I'm starting to worry about the energy in my bedroom. Last three men - died, dumped, dumped.
Maybe I need to do an exorcism or something.

@Ilovelurchers- yes, maybe he’s thinking he’s funny actually- or maybe he is covering for being in MI5! I did work with firefighters and some wouldn’t say what they did cos of the general reaction - tbf I think most on dating sites do - for the swipe rights!
As he’s piqued interest though you can keep chatting and let us know what he really does eventually ha! Mr Insurance - it’s the hope that kills us - I’d be the same though I despair brains work this way.

@Nosdacariad- sorry about your feelings on the bedroom - it must be hard that your late husband died there 💐

I don’t want to sound crass, so please ignore if I am, guess you’ve changed it around but change it again a bit just with a new throw or something? And you could cleanse with sage if you are into that - or have it blessed if that’s a preference. I do like I’ve not had anyone stay over in my beds for many a long year now - it feels very much ‘mine’ due to that but I know it’s hard when it’s been shared with someone either living with them or a regular ongoing dating situation.

Thanks @MsJinks I'm probably being fanciful. It has been decorated with a new bed/bedding/furniture.

Maybe a bit of a ritual is the way forward. Aware I sound 🍌🍌🍌

@Nosdacariad Sending feng shui vibes for the bedroom…

Well I guess objectively it’s fanciful - I’d not recommend posting it in AIBU ha! But I have a lovely 50th present from my kids - bracelet - but every time I wore it nothing went well or even went badly - I haven’t worn it for years now - fanciful I’m sure but maybe I should trial it when I’m expecting a shite time - some things we can’t explain imo.

Your bracelet reminds me of Laslo's witches hat in "What we do in the shadows".

It's quiet in here today.

I have only one iron who I've said I'll only be friends with but he seems nice, Mr Beered. Meeting Sat.

Still nice to get out with a friend on a Saturday! Xx

I hope so, how are you doing?

Ex-Runner showed me some of his online dating matches. This is someone my age, handsome in a bit rugged way and 'fit academic' type. I’m not sure they had much in common but there was a general theme of ‘luxury lifestyle’ aspirations, holidays abroad and the one woman who had a big fish she had caught as a non-lead picture. He thought there were three archetypes [his term] and I was bit surprised: the Princess, the Trauma Discloser and the Business Girl. The first wants effort, attention, and to feel special without having to negotiate for it. Fair enough he thought, but it's so common it's almost meaningless and often vague when it comes to details. The second type lay out their issues, past relationships, mental health struggles and so on. They are in his opinion trying to weed out the blokes who can't handle it before they waste time. The third type are running their own side hustles, building brands, studying while working or whatever and want someone who can either help them develop that or schedule around their project’s demands.

Nearly a direct quote from memory: ‘The ghosting rate is higher than ever. Three years ago, you'd have a conversation, agree to meet, and they'd show up or at least cancel. Now? They'll talk for two weeks, agree to a date, and vanish the morning of the meet without a word. It's not personal. It's just the way the game works now. You learn to keep multiple irons in the fire and never get attached to a single profile until you've got a coffee in front of her.’

@LenaFromTheNineties That’s quite interesting (and amusing). Based on that I’m the Business Girl. In fact I literally create new brands as part of my job 🤣 I don’t need help from any man to do that, but I do need someone who understands the pressures of my role and who is willing to fit around it.

He is spot on re the ghosting - interesting to know that men experience the same thing!

I asked him what he thinks works for a man like him. Remember he is out on dating sites so this might NOT be working. The key he thought was ‘not try to be something I'm not’. His lead includes a clear understanding of what he wants. No mixed signals. No 'let's see where things go' when he knows ‘exactly where I'd like them to go’. He thinks women around his age find it refreshing because they're used to blokes who can't decide what they want for breakfast.

Again from memory: ‘I don't chase. I present, I invite, and I let her decide. That confidence, the willingness to walk away if it's not mutual, that's what separates the blokes who get results from the ones who spend all night typing paragraphs that never get sent.’ I am not really sure whether he is looking to play the field and have fun, or go for something long term. It might be both.

Hopefully you have a nice time though, which I’m sure you will ☺️

Mr Tall got his flirt back on last night but I’m losing interest. I have a new iron who I’ll call Mr Karaoke, who has been on holiday with his kids but back home tonight. So we’ll see what happens with this one. I’ve been actively trying to avoid men with children because I realise it can make things a bit messy in the future. My ex who I was with for 3.5 years had 2 young boys and I got very attached to them, after meeting them a year or so into the relationship. But I’ve realised that I’m narrowing my dating pool right down by excluding dads.

I don’t recognise myself in any of these 3 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m not sure how I would describe myself but none of these fit.

Ooh @empirebiscuits12 Mr Karaoke sounds promising x

I don't think I fit any of his three 'Archetypes' either @empirebiscuits12 but it is interesting that he seems to be encountering those.

I am 29 and I suppose he is 30 now. I messaged him with this. Will be interesting if he responds.

'What do you think women in their late 20s / early 30s could generally be doing to improve their dating prospects? Give me three suggestions.'

He does, but we shall see! I’m done getting my hopes up, and can see it in others across this thread. But I’ll try to stay positive! He’s very good looking but not in a pretty boy type of way, and has a decent job from what I’ve seen on his profile.

I sometimes wonder if good looking guys are maybe too good looking for me, if that makes sense? I don’t think I’m ugly and see myself as attractive, but a lot of the time I don’t think I’m attractive enough for men who look like this. So I tend to skip on past them. Took a bit of a punt on this one though 😂