AIBU Criminal Record

[LRHRN]

I’ve been with my DH for 10years (he’s 46) and knew he had a few really old arrests for fighting when he was younger so that has never really been an issue….until today!!

We’re just in the process of getting all of our information together to start looking at our options for moving to America.
DH told me that he needed to order his records from the police to go with our paperwork as his arrests are more than likely spent now but just needed confirmation.
i was on his iPad And the records have arrived today via email (his iCloud account) and he hasn’t told me….so I’ve looked 😭😭 big mistake!!
Numerous arrests and convictions for Assault, Battery, Theft & False Imprisonment. WTAF!!!
I don’t even recognise that person as he is the total opposite to this and has been nothing but loyal and committed to me and our 4 children and always been very family oriented and all of his successes were for us as a family.
I haven’t confronted him yet and really don’t know how to.
Do I just forget about it? do I hold his past against him?
I don’t know if I feel upset or angry. I don’t know if I feel hurt that he’s never told me. I’m now questioning everything and have a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach about moving abroad.
im not for a second condoning his past AT ALL!! but…should it stay in the past?

Well, without incident that OP is aware of.

He's also lied to her and their children and led her to believe they could move to America even though he knows he has an incredibly violent criminal past.

I personally wouldn’t want to take that chance.

I find it quite bizarre that you and he have been making plans to move to America yet he must have known this criminal behaviour would stop him being allowed in, and he never discussed the extent of his crimes with you.

Have you been to America with him previously?

I also find it bizarre that any woman would marry and have children with someone who she knew had convictions for fighting, even if she didn't know the full extent. Some women have got low standards though.

Why would you wait to confront him? I'd just do it, I couldn't stay with someone that a) had that number and type of conviction, and b) had lied about it to me.

And that's your decision - but people can and do change if they want to.

Exactly. There could be crimes he’s committed since but not been caught for. Fred West remained “innocent” for years until he was caught.

And like I said, the murderers I knew. You think 20 years on they should be forgiven? I have no idea what they’re doing now but I hope to god their new partners have an idea of what they did. Their victim’s family lost a son, brother, father, uncle, nephew.

So would you trust a murderer 20 years down the line? A child molester? Why is OP's husband any different?

Even as I stated murderers? Really? Like I said there are still criminals who I know who still have influence and are capable of violence.

Well, without incident that OP is aware of.

She has his seen and read his official criminal history.

No bloody way. That’s why Clare’s law exists.

So? That doesn't mean he's innocent, just that he's not been caught again.

Like PP said, Fred West was innocent for years. Lots of criminals are only convicted for a small handful of their crimes.

A murderer yes a child molester absolutely not. Nobody is the same person they where 20 years ago

So why is OP's husband deserving of trust?

Which she didn’t know about before. Surely if he was any decent sort of bloke he’d tell her before he married her and fathered her kids, of his past. So you know, she has the chance to trust him or not.

He’s not. Not in my eyes.

You'd marry a convicted murderer? Allow them around your kids or vulnerable elderly relatives?

Wow.

I’m also interested in the American angle- I wonder if he has reason to think it won’t stop him moving- under what circumstances are you moving there OP, is he American?

I mean surely you’ve visited together if you’re thinking of moving there?

I think I mixed you up with another poster, sorry!

Let's keep this within the context of this thread, shall we? We aren't discussing sex offenders or murderers.

A murderer are you bloody serious? They can change after 20 years. They’ve taken another’s life. Mostly premeditated. I mean yes I’ve thought about murder but actually doing it. No, I couldn’t ever do it.

You’re being a bit silly. Not all crimes are equal and goading people into saying they don’t care about murder is in no way helpful or relevant to the thread or Ops problem

No, just a violent kidnapper

No worries!

And there are also those who can and do change.

My nana knew someone who used a knife (not to murder but to assault). That person was gone out of her life pretty fast. And never returned.

There could be crimes he’s committed since but not been caught for.

Leaving the 20 year gap aside, that could be true of ANYONE.