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Original poster

How long is too long to wait for a proposal?

201 replies

Desg · 13/07/2026 17:59

Be honest - how long did/will you wait in a relationship for a marriage proposal?

for context I’ve been with my partner 7 years. We had a baby (unplanned) last year and we’re just going through the process of buying our first home together. His sister got engaged yesterday and when I made a jokey comment about us still not being engaged he practically ignored me. This has been an ongoing thing throughout our relationship and if I was to get upset about it he’d just say some sort of excuse as to why we’re not in a position to at the moment (likely excuse being moving house). I don’t think that it’s that he doesn’t want to be with me, I am just unsure that he wants to ever get married. I also don’t think he’d ever admit to not wanting to get married. It’s important to me but I’m unsure if it’s worth throwing a 7 year relationship away, especially as we now have a child.

OP posts:
Sevenwondersofthewoo · 15/07/2026 12:35

I’ve seen this play out with friends

partner makes all sorts of excuses cos that’s what they are excuses then they are dumped
1-2 years later they find out they’ve married the next girlfriend and it hurts cos they’ve left them and sometimes kids are involved too.

I was 7 years in my second relationship then marriage but ours was delayed cos we couldn’t find his ex wife to get all the paperwork done legally.

Sweetbutpsycho65 · 15/07/2026 13:27

43 years here. And i mentioned getting married last week. Cant be arsed to be honest. But we will at some point. Don't stress it. Pros and cons to being married and not. Enjoy what you got.

weeyin411 · 15/07/2026 13:31

I'm 25 years in 3 kids and still waiting lol

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/07/2026 13:32

My financial independence and him carrying half the parenting and home load would be absolutely non negotiable if not married. And I’d happily say it. ‘We aren’t married, I have no rights if you leave, I need my job and I won’t do my job hampered by playing a stay at home wife role at home and parenting, when I’m neither stay at home nor a wife. I’ll do drop gif and you pick ds up and cook dinner.’ Or you separate and he can do his whole households load. There’s no middle ground acceptable for me.
I’m married with 3 dc and my career is important to me but not financial independence per se. Dh doing half the home and parenting is non negotiable no matter what really. It’s a big load!

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/07/2026 13:36

You could just say I’ve been thinking and I do want to get married. I don’t want to buy a house together if we’re not married, it feels like we are settling down permanently to this life that doesn’t include marriage. The baby was an accident and we can’t change that, obviously I wouldn’t want to change anything about baby, but we wouldn’t be buying a house by accident, and I don’t have to just keep proceeding along this path when it’s not what I want. I want to be married because you want to spend your life with me and I do back and we commit to each other and our little family. That’s my dream. I know this might make you very unhappy but that’s how I feel.

AlphaApple · 15/07/2026 13:36

By the time you are resorting to posting on Mumsnet, it’s already too late.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 15/07/2026 13:49

@Desg Some people are just happy to carry on life without getting married, it depends on your reason for wanting to be married i guess, security or to have your special day, if you have lived with him for 7 years and have a child with him you have pretty much the same rights as him anyway.

I waited 14 years before i proposed, we had a very long engagement, we chose to do a registry office wedding, but had my wife wanted a big expensive wedding we probably wouldn’t be married now as i wouldn’t have been able to afford to do it.

I guess the only way to find out why he doesn’t want to get married is to sit down and thrash it out, if it’s important to you make sure you he knows how much you want it, if it’s a financial constraint then that is probably more understandable and there may be compromises you can both make to make it happen. Good luck.

AWomanOfWealthAndTaste · 15/07/2026 14:45

AlphaApple · 15/07/2026 13:36

By the time you are resorting to posting on Mumsnet, it’s already too late.

Unfortunately I suspect that's true in most cases.

Retired65 · 15/07/2026 16:31

I just knew after a few months that my husband to be wanted to get married. We got married 4 mths after we got engaged.

I had been going out with someone else for nearly 17 years who made it clear that he didn't want to get married or have children. As far as I know he never has. I was on the pill and he always used a condom when we had sex.
Doesn't sound as if your partner wants to get married so you have to decide if you want to stay with him.

Original poster
Desg · 15/07/2026 21:08

Update - I had a conversation with him this evening and he went running back to his mums.
I said I couldn’t commit to buying a house together until I knew that we were on the same page with our life goals and he said he didn’t know what he wanted, he was enjoying life as it is and as expected we can’t get engaged or married yet because we’re buying a house and that’s the priority. No clear yes or no answer regarding marriage is still an answer. just for context - we currently live in MY house, I’m the breadwinner so I would have a lot to lose. I didn’t want a big wedding, I was happy with eloping to Vegas to be honest. If he can’t commit to that, then he can stay at his mums. My right person will want the same things as me right? I’m more just sad for my 11 month old daughter to be honest. I know she won’t know different, but I never wanted to have a baby to raise her as a split family. And yes my biggest fear is him moving in and marrying and having more babies almost immediately.

also - some of you are savage in the comments!!

OP posts:
WeNeedaDiagram · 15/07/2026 21:13

If he loved you, he’d marry you.

Enrichetta · 15/07/2026 21:19

I’m so sorry he chose to go back to his mummy instead of being a husband and father. However, deep down you probably knew that this was likely to happen. At least now you know. A better future as a single mother awaits because (a) you own the house, and (b) because at least you now have clarity and can focus on your future.

As for savage comments…… I don’t think there’s any point in sugar coating your situation and options. Sadly, yours is a story that appears on MN almost every single day. Hopefully others will read and learn before they get themselves involved and pregnant with men who won’t commit.

fireandlightening · 15/07/2026 21:22

Sounds like his not wanting to get married proved to be an excellent thing in the circumstances - given you are the primary breadwinner and you live in your house. Oh yes, and he likely doesn't care enough to commit. So as the MN saying goes - throw this one back.

Separately, find the reluctance to ask for what you want and need in a relationship (including marriage) and waiting coyly for a man to 'ask you' very odd, and incongruous especially for a woman who is the primary bread winner and financially independent! But you do you.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 15/07/2026 21:23

I waited 10 years

Harrietsaunt · 15/07/2026 21:25

I wouldn’t marry a man who wasn’t absolutely desperate to be my husband. He should feel so lucky that you agreed to marry him.

I agree with PP. You don’t need him. Bin him and crack on without him.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 15/07/2026 21:25

Desg · 15/07/2026 21:08

Update - I had a conversation with him this evening and he went running back to his mums.
I said I couldn’t commit to buying a house together until I knew that we were on the same page with our life goals and he said he didn’t know what he wanted, he was enjoying life as it is and as expected we can’t get engaged or married yet because we’re buying a house and that’s the priority. No clear yes or no answer regarding marriage is still an answer. just for context - we currently live in MY house, I’m the breadwinner so I would have a lot to lose. I didn’t want a big wedding, I was happy with eloping to Vegas to be honest. If he can’t commit to that, then he can stay at his mums. My right person will want the same things as me right? I’m more just sad for my 11 month old daughter to be honest. I know she won’t know different, but I never wanted to have a baby to raise her as a split family. And yes my biggest fear is him moving in and marrying and having more babies almost immediately.

also - some of you are savage in the comments!!

Edited

Glad you talked.

I'd point out that not being able to get married now because buying a house is a priority doesn't make sense when you're not prepared to buy a house with him not married!

I'm sure he was happy going along with getting everything he wanted living with all the benefit of a married couple but without the commitment.

You have more to lose. Even if he changes his mind do you really want to marry this man if he's reluctant? You deserve a lot more than to drag a man down the aisle kicking and screaming.

SmolTiny · 15/07/2026 21:28

He does not want to marry you.
He pretty much just told you that.
Ditch the fucker.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/07/2026 21:44

Desg · 15/07/2026 21:08

Update - I had a conversation with him this evening and he went running back to his mums.
I said I couldn’t commit to buying a house together until I knew that we were on the same page with our life goals and he said he didn’t know what he wanted, he was enjoying life as it is and as expected we can’t get engaged or married yet because we’re buying a house and that’s the priority. No clear yes or no answer regarding marriage is still an answer. just for context - we currently live in MY house, I’m the breadwinner so I would have a lot to lose. I didn’t want a big wedding, I was happy with eloping to Vegas to be honest. If he can’t commit to that, then he can stay at his mums. My right person will want the same things as me right? I’m more just sad for my 11 month old daughter to be honest. I know she won’t know different, but I never wanted to have a baby to raise her as a split family. And yes my biggest fear is him moving in and marrying and having more babies almost immediately.

also - some of you are savage in the comments!!

Edited

I'm sorry @Desg , that sucks. But - silver linings. He has shown you the man (or poor excuse of a man) that he is, and now you know what you're dealing with and can plan accordingly.

You are living in YOUR house, with full control of your finances. You are not dependent on a man who, I'm sorry, wouldn't hesitate to fuck you over for his own gain,

"And yes my biggest fear is him moving in and marrying and having more babies almost immediately."
If that is the type of man he is, there is nothing you can do. He would always have had his eye on the Exit. The lack is in him, not you.

((hug))

ilbehonest · 15/07/2026 21:47

For everyone who is saying just propose then.. I wouldn't do this and I want to be married. My reason I wouldn't as I would feel less valued and that my partner doesn't love me so much that he looks at me and thinks wow I want to marry her and make it happen. As silly as it sounds I think it would spoil that for me. That's just me though. Perhaps OP feels similar?

Stelladid · 15/07/2026 21:50

ilbehonest · 15/07/2026 21:47

For everyone who is saying just propose then.. I wouldn't do this and I want to be married. My reason I wouldn't as I would feel less valued and that my partner doesn't love me so much that he looks at me and thinks wow I want to marry her and make it happen. As silly as it sounds I think it would spoil that for me. That's just me though. Perhaps OP feels similar?

But the days of Princess with glass slippers are over!

LizandDerekGoals · 15/07/2026 21:50

Desg · 15/07/2026 21:08

Update - I had a conversation with him this evening and he went running back to his mums.
I said I couldn’t commit to buying a house together until I knew that we were on the same page with our life goals and he said he didn’t know what he wanted, he was enjoying life as it is and as expected we can’t get engaged or married yet because we’re buying a house and that’s the priority. No clear yes or no answer regarding marriage is still an answer. just for context - we currently live in MY house, I’m the breadwinner so I would have a lot to lose. I didn’t want a big wedding, I was happy with eloping to Vegas to be honest. If he can’t commit to that, then he can stay at his mums. My right person will want the same things as me right? I’m more just sad for my 11 month old daughter to be honest. I know she won’t know different, but I never wanted to have a baby to raise her as a split family. And yes my biggest fear is him moving in and marrying and having more babies almost immediately.

also - some of you are savage in the comments!!

Edited

women are savage here because when it comes to the men in our lives, we rarely want to see the truth.

you are better off without him.

how much was he putting into the house move? Equal to you? Or not? Were you fiercely protecting your contribution?

Rachelshair · 15/07/2026 21:54

There is no point in getting married if you are the wealthier party. Why risk giving him half your house. Do you want to marry just to tick a box, I can see why he'd be reluctant, do you actually love him for himself.

aberturret · 15/07/2026 21:55

Desg · 15/07/2026 21:08

Update - I had a conversation with him this evening and he went running back to his mums.
I said I couldn’t commit to buying a house together until I knew that we were on the same page with our life goals and he said he didn’t know what he wanted, he was enjoying life as it is and as expected we can’t get engaged or married yet because we’re buying a house and that’s the priority. No clear yes or no answer regarding marriage is still an answer. just for context - we currently live in MY house, I’m the breadwinner so I would have a lot to lose. I didn’t want a big wedding, I was happy with eloping to Vegas to be honest. If he can’t commit to that, then he can stay at his mums. My right person will want the same things as me right? I’m more just sad for my 11 month old daughter to be honest. I know she won’t know different, but I never wanted to have a baby to raise her as a split family. And yes my biggest fear is him moving in and marrying and having more babies almost immediately.

also - some of you are savage in the comments!!

Edited

“Dave, I don’t want to make another serious commitment unless I have some degree of certainty. I’m not prepared to buy a house together yet. I’m happy with an engagement with firm plans to marry, or we could go to the registry office, get married and have a party later. Have a think about what you actually want.”

AWomanOfWealthAndTaste · 15/07/2026 22:09

Based on your update, I don't think you're going to get married and don't really see why you still want to. He clearly isn't up for it and you're the one with the assets.

I wouldn't buy a house with someone that uncommitted either though.

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/07/2026 22:24

What a baby. He can toddle off and go buy a house then, toodle-oo. Oh wait, he was planning on the op helping fund it! Not your priority, you have a house.