How long is too long to wait for a proposal?

[Desg]

Be honest - how long did/will you wait in a relationship for a marriage proposal?

for context I’ve been with my partner 7 years. We had a baby (unplanned) last year and we’re just going through the process of buying our first home together. His sister got engaged yesterday and when I made a jokey comment about us still not being engaged he practically ignored me. This has been an ongoing thing throughout our relationship and if I was to get upset about it he’d just say some sort of excuse as to why we’re not in a position to at the moment (likely excuse being moving house). I don’t think that it’s that he doesn’t want to be with me, I am just unsure that he wants to ever get married. I also don’t think he’d ever admit to not wanting to get married. It’s important to me but I’m unsure if it’s worth throwing a 7 year relationship away, especially as we now have a child.

I told my now-husband when we were buying a house that I would not be just a girlfriend to anyone and marriage is something I wanted in my future.
I said if it wasn't for him that's absolutely fine, just as being a girlfriend long term was not for me.

Here's the legal differences between just being housemates, and marriage.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

how can you be so passive in your own life?!

Never mind anything else, marriage is protection for you and your child. If you’re enough of a grown up to have a child you can absolutely set out that you want to get married and want to set a date. That’s literally all that is needed.

It is so depressing that, here we are in 2026, where women are expected to do it all - children, home, paid work, mental load……. - we still get these posts with predictable regularity.

Why don’t women prioritise what they want - what is stopping them from focusing on their best interests?

I'm ancient. When I was young we had fewer rights, but it seemed much less common for women to make themselves vulnerable in this way.

I didn’t care less about marriage before I got engaged. Just not something I was remotely concerned about, as I have always been financially independent and marriage would have been truly pointless in my case (or more likely financially detrimental). As it happens, I fell in love with someone while living overseas as an expat and we are getting married so that I gain the right to live in the country. So an “accidental” marriage of sorts. That being said, since being engaged I have definitely warmed to the idea of committing to each other in this way.

Why is marriage important to you?

I hope you're working and making sure you're on an equal footing in terms of buying a property and your work prospects. Wills in place? Life insurances?

It was the same with children, but fate took that decision out of our hands lol

Are you saying that he didn't really want children?

My friend’s partner was never interested in marriage. He reluctantly agreed to a civil partnership this year for financial safeguarding. It was literally signing a bit of paper and took 10 minutes. Why don’t you do that, OP, if he’s not into the idea of a wedding?

And did you give your child his surname?

3 years

Kindly,

It's already been too long. He's never going to propose. If he were going to propose (but he's not) he'd have done it several years ago, at the latest when he realised you were pg with his DC and would have hustled you to the register office/local church. So don't hold your breath.

As per PPs, he doesn't need to b/c he's getting all the legal deals AND he doesn't want to pay for a wedding (who can blame him; put wedding in front of any word and the cost triples at least). And if you're not sure you want to be tied to this man legally for the foreseeable, do NOT buy a house with him. Is his name on your DC's birth certificate?

Since he's still with you after the birth of DC and wants to buy a house together (will you be joint tenants or tenants in common?) he seems pretty committed.

So plan a quiet ceremony at the register office to complete the legal folder. Then you can plan a massive party at your new house - a triple celebration: house-warming, baby's 1st and marriage.

This doesn't apply if you don't want to be married.

However, if you do-the ship has sailed when you have had a baby.

Many will disagree but that's my view-you have waited too long for a proposal if you have had a baby to him.

OP, please don’t do this. ⬆️

Your partner has already told you everything you need to know about how he sees your future, and it clearly doesn’t include marriage.

His reaction when the subject is brought up speaks volumes. If this was a relationship leading to marriage, you would BOTH be feeling happy and excited about that prospect - of building a life together as husband and wife. I’m sorry that you’re in a situation where your partner has this attitude to you, especially given that you have a child together 😔

You’ve indicated marriage is important to you - so it’s up to you what you do with the information. Gently, I would say that it would be wise to work on the basis that he is not going to come round to the idea and propose to you. And there is nothing in his behaviour to suggest that you proposing to him would lead to anything other than pain, sooner or later.
Time to ask yourself what you really want, and what is really important to you. If nothing has changed in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years even, would you be ok with that? Only you can know this. Some counselling might help support you in exploring your feelings about it.

I didn’t ‘wait’. It was a discussion we started having about marriage and a life together from about 6 months in (we were at that point 22 and 28). For us, there were immigration issues at play as we needed to be married for me to stay with him long term. We got engaged at 2.5 years together, not a surprise, long discussed and planned to happen when it did, and married at 3 years. Obviously, your baby was unplanned, but no way I’d be buying a house and not be married. You don’t need a wedding, not an expensive one anyway, but with a baby and a house, I would expect marriage and that would have been a conversation I had a long time ago.

"Phil, we've been together for seven years now. I love you and I want to be your wife. There will never be a perfect time for us to have a wedding. I don't want to wait for a perfect wedding, I want us to be married soon and I'd like it to happen by the end of 2027. I don't mind if it's the two of us plus our child and a couple.of random witness off the street at the registry office, but I do mind if it continues not to happen. What do you think?"

I waited 9 years for my husband to propose. I had told him early on in our relationship that I did want him to ask cos it's what he thought I wanted, I wanted him to want it. He originally said he would propose after 12 months of living together, he didn't because around that same my Dad died and he felt it wasn't the right time, apparently it wasn't the right time for the next 3 years.

He isn't going to propose. You know this. You also say marriage is important to you ... so why are you buying a house with him?

The more you do the more tied you get. A house will be an expensive PITA to extract yourself from.

You need to sit down and have an honest chat with him. If its a dealbreaker for you then you need to leave, or at very least not buy a house while you figure it out.

This ⬆️

Why did you hang around all that time?
Why didn't you propose?

No point asking him
He clearly doesn’t want to get married

Sorry but if he wanted to he would have. I think that if you’re not committed after 3 years then it’s going nowhere. Sadly you’re now stuck with a man who is holding out for better or he would have proposed.

"Ask him yourself" they say...

Erm, no.

Still, why haven't you had conversations about this OP? Is it a big wedding you want? You don't have to be in any sort of 'position' to get married at a registry office.

I can't understand it myself. A man who has a child with a woman and wants to play house without committing in marriage for the security of the child and its mother... a good man would do so.

I'd start talking about it if I were you. Don't let him weasel out of doing the right thing.

It is strange. When me and my friends were getting married, we all thought a man proposing was not only old fashioned, it gave him all the power. This is a good example. I've been married over 30 years. We sat down together, discussed our future and decided to get married. Equal partners then and now.
Have that conversation.

In which case, I think you need to pull out of "buying our first home together" - because you "aren’t in a position to because" it's really not a good idea to intertwine your finances too much with a partner who is uncommitted to you.

I'm serious.

• Do not sink any savings you have into a deposit on joint property.
• Do not sign up to a mortgage you couldn't afford alone.
• Absolutely do not give up your job and become financially dependent on him!

"I’m unsure if it’s worth throwing a 7 year relationship away, especially as we now have a child."
You wouldn't be the one throwing it away. But having had a child with him makes you vulnerable to being manoeuvred into becoming a SAHM and financially dependent on a man who is ensuring he makes no commitment to you. Marriage offers some protection. Without it, you need to pay a lot more attention to protecting yourself.

because many women want the effort to come from the man to demonstrate their commitment. If I had to ask the man then, even if he said yes, I’d be wondering if he really wanted it. I want a man who puts in the effort and shows me his love and commitment. Less than that is disappointing in my mind.

Have we slipped into a time tunnel? Waiting for a proposal? FFS if two people want to get married, they either have a conversation or one person raises it. Are you waiting for him to ask to speak to your father?