How long is too long to wait for a proposal?

[Desg]

Be honest - how long did/will you wait in a relationship for a marriage proposal?

for context I’ve been with my partner 7 years. We had a baby (unplanned) last year and we’re just going through the process of buying our first home together. His sister got engaged yesterday and when I made a jokey comment about us still not being engaged he practically ignored me. This has been an ongoing thing throughout our relationship and if I was to get upset about it he’d just say some sort of excuse as to why we’re not in a position to at the moment (likely excuse being moving house). I don’t think that it’s that he doesn’t want to be with me, I am just unsure that he wants to ever get married. I also don’t think he’d ever admit to not wanting to get married. It’s important to me but I’m unsure if it’s worth throwing a 7 year relationship away, especially as we now have a child.

I’m sorry OP but it’s not 1820, just have a conversation with him. You have a baby, you’re buying a home and you need to put yourself n a better legal position. It doesn’t need to be a big affair so just register office would do.

If “tradition” there wouldn’t be a child without marriage.

“I would never propose”

But I’ll slag off my partner when they take the same position. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ignoring the fact you have already done the biggest commitment and had a child then if you are under 30/31 then I don’t think length of time you have been together comes into it much. How old are you?

I met DH at 20/23 we bought our starter home at 24/27 then moved into our family home at 29/32 got married at 30/33 (been married 23 years now) and had our first child at 31/34. My maternal nan born 1906 and dad born 1933 advised me not to get married until 30+ (they did not take that advise and both regretted it, as did my own mother) and I say the same thing to my DC.

Even William and Catherine were together 8 years or so before they got engaged and were approaching 30. They clearly had no financial issues around paying for a wedding or first home either.

Given you have had a baby already and the major life event of buying your first home coming up then marriage is probably something that is naturally delayed, especially if you want anything bigger than a nice simple wedding. Oh and I did not get a proposal - absolutely no idea what happened, I can’t remember. I guess we just discussed it and decided it was time.

I waited 6 years. I could have asked him, but I wanted to be sure it was his choice and not something he felt pushed in to (he’s terrible at making decisions!)

Married 20 years this year.

William and Catherine waited because it was about her joining the RF and being at some point, Queen Consort. All too aware of his own parents' marriage failure and the huge commitment required, they took their time to ensure that they were compatible and Kate could feel happy with joining the RF.
These reasons don't apply outside the RF.

well I was at uni with my DH but as soon as we graduated i made it clear i wanted to get married so i was engaged a year later and married a year after that. I’m going to be honest i wouldn’t have waited around.

@Desg

Hi OP…I’m a celebrant, so weddings are ‘my thing’ (I might even do an AMA about it one day! ☺️)

Do you want to ‘get married’…or do you want to ‘have a wedding’?

Most people on here say they can’t afford to ‘get married’, when what they mean, is that they can’t afford ‘a wedding’.

If you genuinely just want to get married…TELL HIM! And book a statutory ceremony at your local Register Office. This will cost less than £200 (£46.60 per person to Give Notice, £62 for the ‘statutory ceremony’ and £12.50 for a copy of your marriage certificate).

If this IS what you want…he can’t make excuses about ‘buying a house’ or any other ‘roadblock’ bollocks, as you could find that £200 if you really wanted to. But you NEED TO TELL HIM!

Then just book it! No need for an engagement…after 7 years and a child, I think that ship has already sailed anyway! Just go and get married.

☝️ sorry 😕 he has made it repeatedly, abundantly clear he has absolutely no intention of marrying you op, I’m sorry.

Because if she does he may say yes but will pretend that she forced him later.

That is the cultural background here.

So she should just dump him.

Yes, we all expect men to do their share of the housework/childcare, so why shouldn't we propose?
If he says no, at least you know where you are.

fate took that decision out of our hands lol.

Not sure why you are laughing so loud....

No.

YOU took this decision in your own life.

Hope it all works out for you in the end.

Marriage is over-rated, and often leads to a messy divorce.

He’s unlikely to propose now. If you really want to be married you need to propose.

Depending on your financial circumstances you might need the additional protection. It is a valuable contract.

Will you just stay if he refuses to accept your proposal or continues to avoid asking you?

Marriage offers important legal protections and not being married can leave you extremely vulnerable.

If you’re not mature enough to propose, you’re not mature enough to marry

It was honestly all she was going to get from him. They are over 50, kids are grown. It is mostly transactional at this stage and he’s ASD and doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.

I think my husband and I talked about whether we wanted marriage fairly early on in the relationship and he proposed after about 9 months. We were married just shy of two years after meeting. I think a conversation of where you see the relationship going needs to happen within the first few months and then an engagement within about two years. I think if I’d been with someone two years and they hadn’t proposed I would have asked if they wanted to get married and if they weren’t sure I think I would end things. If you want to be married there’s no point staying with someone who doesn’t want that as well.

I also would have tried my best not to have a baby with someone I wasn’t married to, because that does complicate things as I would feel I should stay with a partner if we had a child, unless there were major reasons for leaving such as infidelity or domestic violence.

Poor woman. Imagine waiting all that time, and for that. However, I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

Whose surname does the baby have? If it's his, you should tell him you want a double-barrel asap.

It depends what you want and how your 'conversations' go.

Do you want a proposal, a wedding, or a marriage? We were together ten years as marriage was just not important to me, one day it was and I suggested we get married, there was no proposal, we had the exact wedding that we wanted the following year which cost less than £4k and that was it. Once you live together and have a child it seems more of a formality to be honest.

I don't think you should be buying a house and having a child with someone who can't even have an honest conversation about your future.

The second you for pregnant it was too late.

You don’t need to propose - I didn’t, I just said as we’re buying a home together it would be legally more sensible if we were married, then I booked it.

When it’s upsetting you

Yet another couple having a baby before getting married…….. SIGH…………..

Not getting married leads to an even messier break up with no legal basis or rights.