There We Are Then

[mummy917]

A follow on from my previous 3 threads; “my husband said he wanted to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided”.

He is dropping them off at school and nursery and I will be doing the pick ups. I honestly cannot wait!

Oh amazing and there is the added bonus that you won’t have to see him. I bet they are so excited to see you too ☺️

Hello, I have watched your posts from the first thread and well done. It wasn’t exactly the same for me, but I was left with young children and threats of having to move out and lots of gaslighting.

I just wanted you to know that you are enough. That’s what Womensaid told me and they were correct. In our house we kept talking and made sure that all feelings were ok. My children know that one person will tell them the truth all of the time. They are secure and we have a great relationship. It isn’t always perfect, but we know that and know that if we trust, then we can relax and be comfortable in our home.

I was happily single for a very long time but recently met a lovely man who has two children and totally appreciates me, which makes me realise my own worth. I used to read thread on whether I would ever meet anyone, then didn’t care, then met someone.

It sounds like you are a great mum and you will be fine. It’s going to be tough but please do be strong. Please do stand up for your children and please do realise that they will know what you have done for them in the end. They will also have experiences of being let down by a parent or supported by the other one and they will know.

Enjoy your movie nights and pick a weekly chocolate bar for yourself. Buy yourself some moisturiser and/or a night away. There is a world out there. Be yourself and be happy with yourself.

Very left of field suggestion but Royal Flying Doctors on Channel 4 about the Flying Doctors of the Australian outback. First ep starts with a doctor having left her cheating husband and finding her feet.

This one of my favourite websites, and this secret is on there. https://postsecret.com/

I thought you might find this helpful if you find he has been cheating.

wonder if he still went ahead with his twattoo.

Enjoy tomorrow.

The mention of Australia made me think of Return to Eden. Unfortunately, I've been unable to find the full series online.

It was glorious - the same could be said for Terry Wogan's commentary on it.

Thank you, today is the day they come home and I can’t wait!

He’s got it booked for 4th September and hasn’t said he’s changed it as that’s his weekend, so I can only assume his mum is helping out with the kids on that day.

We’re at my son’s sports day this morning and it’s so awkward

You are there for your DS.
If H tries to discuss anything else, keep up your classic way to grey rock; "There we are then"

I hope your DS enjoys the day 🌞

It will be awkward for a while. Not your fault, though. You didn’t make it awkward.

Remember, he was the one that made things awkward.

You can keep your head held high. You have navigated this whole situation with dignity and class!

This indeed.

Breathe. You’ll get through it.

Hope you get through it ok. Just force yourself to chat to the parents of your son’s friends!

It’s just an awful atmosphere and I need to get out of my own head, thinking that this time last year we were there together and were happy.

@mummy917 go sit somewhere else, you don't need to put yourself through this, your both there, end of!

Don't stand to close to him and be honest if anyone asks about your situation. Don't cover for him.

@mummy917 are you sitting together? Can you not sit separately. Is he being hostile with you, or is it more he’s trying to chat and that feels awkward? I’d definitely try and mix with the other parents if you can.

I also imagine he’s quite grumpy after having the kids solidly for 5 nights, because we all know how much he loves childcare.

We were but it got a bit too much for me and I went to speak to some of the other parents. He was a bit arsey at the end and asked why I’d moved but it’s another “first” done I suppose.

Haha is it damaging his image? Just tell him you no longer need to play happy families with him. There we are then!

As it’s in person and not recorded, that would be a great moment to say ‘now who’s being controlling?’

I wish I’d had an idea of how hard these events would be and how much they’d bring everything back to the surface.

There’s probably so much I could say to him but in the moment, it doesn’t always come to me. I’m definitely the type of person where my emotions overtake.

He's nuts, why wouldn't you go and speak to the other parents? it's what you do at school events, talk to the other parents. Sometimes I'd wander off, sometimes DH would, sometimes we'd both talk to the same parent. If it's a play or carol service then you mingle at the end.

Honestly @mummy917 the more I hear about your soon to be ex, the more I think you've had a lucky escape

Absolutely, we all think of the things we might have said after the moment has passed. It’s good to keep in mind though that he really shows he’s the exact thing he accuses you of.

I mean you broke up, at his insistence, why is he bothered about being apart from you - that’s the whole bloody point isn’t it. There we are then 😂

On reflection, maybe HE felt awkward, since he couldn't go and speak to other parents in his desperation to appear the solicitous ex. He wanted you as his prop... Which sounds like what he has always had.. and that why he nagged you.
The first time is the hardest.. and now you've done it!
Stay true to you.