There We Are Then

[mummy917]

A follow on from my previous 3 threads; “my husband said he wanted to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided”.

Poor diddums. He needed ex wifey to keep him company. What a plonker

And he calls OP controlling? What a dickhead.

I really don’t understand why he was arsey about you going off and mingling. I doubt many exs sit together at sports day, surely the aim is to get to the stage where you can politely say hello to each other, then maybe have a brief chat at the end ‘Gosh didn’t Johnny do well in his race’ and then go your separate ways.

At the moment everything is very raw, every interaction is going to be hard.

This!! ‘Goodness. I saw some friends and had a chat. Don’t be so controlling.’

I bet if you'd continued sitting there, he would have ended up saying "Why are you sticking to me like glue"... he's just in undermining mode.

Also. Its hilarious that he didn't know many of the other parents to speak to and you of course did. So he had to sit there like Nobby No Mates, EVEN though he's got all those new tattoos and must thereforre be more fascinating and interesting. That will have really wound him up.
Good.

His feelings are not your responsibility to manage. You did a damn fine job of managing your own. I’m going to suggest that you stop protecting him. Let people know about the things he said, the tattoos and the money stuff. Let them know how much of your relationship you carried. He’s already going to be spreading his narrative where he was the victim of your controlling ways.

You're probably best to say nothing at all as he'll only use it against you and make life difficult

Other parents - look at that poor man sat there who is he? Oh he’s a dad? Gosh, him and that half a tattoo look lonesome. Oh he’s had to leave the home, the poor man.
Being controlled, apparently. It’s awful. Between getting shit tattoos and going to the gym and out every night I can see why.
I heard on good authority that his wife, yes that’s her the one we actually know, had the bare faced cheeked to ask him to buy some mattresses for his own kids when he left.
He didn’t, the poor sod, he got her to buy them and never gave her the money. How controlling is she? Good for him.
She must have made him sit there all alone and there she is being polite to other parents because she does all the drop offs.
Awful woman….

He probably felt like a fish out of water and awkward and exposed without you as a crutch. Well, he’ll need to get used to it.

Arsey … the best response is “”Well there we are then “ 🤣🤣
Try & use it next time !

OP, i think it's ok to tell him "i'm just not ready to play happy blended families just yet"

things are still raw for you, and he's had much longer to process his own feelings and expectations.

if he has a moan about that, you already know what your mantra will be...

How dare he! He was the one who made the decision to end your marriage, but now he wants everyone to thinks that it was 'amicable' and 'equitable'. Well it wasn't. He's fortunate that you even speak to him at these events (I know you will always do that for your dc).

My dd's ex had the nerve to bring his new girlfriend to the summer fair - 2 weeks after he'd introduced his gf to my dgc. dh and I were there to support our dd. Plus when ex's gf offered to take dgc to buy tombola tickets, dh said: "no need thank you, we've done that every year, it's our tradition" (subtext to d's ex and his gf "now just piss off"_. Wish I'd know 'There we are then..'

I agree with this. I think it’s sensible to say that you are still processing the split, he’s had longer to process things and is further along in the process whereas for you it’s still raw. Therefore whilst you want to be amicable for the children, you just aren’t at a stage yet where you can play happy blended families. Say you will always be polite but spending too much 1 on 1 time is hard for you.

He really just thinks its fine, He’s OK, so suck it up.
Massive ego

I agree you are doing well.

Understandably you still get an anxiety trigger sort of thinking “ Was he annoyed with me?” But his response is not your business though is it? The measure of your success is did you act in a way you were happy with.
You stayed for a bit but when it became too much, you politely went to talk to other parents. That’s a healthy boundary isn’t it?
You were polite, but are not obliged to spend the event with him as you are both attending for the children not as a joint outing.

Bloody hell! You weren’t there to socialise with him, sit next to him etc! You were there to see your son’s sports day!

Bloody cheeky man, expecting anything from you at all!

Remember for next time, you don’t need to sit together.

Sports Day. Brings back memories. Husband had never been able to make it before because of work. The year we lived apart, he turned up with a face like a slapped arse. None of the other parents spoke to him, while I was having a lovely day with them all, won the parent relay etc. Eventually, one of the dads said something to him along the lines of "doesn't look like your new lifestyle is making you all that happy". 🤣

We did eventually reconcile but how I laughed at him being called out for his idiocy by another parent on about the only time he ever dared to show his face.

You will get through this. 💪

I can’t imagine why he thought that you would sit together at events now , you aren’t a couple anymore and I would make a point of sitting somewhere else . You need to co parent , that doesn’t mean you need to still be friends , just be civil to each other . I hope you have a lovely evening with your children .

Yes, if he ever says it again, just reply “we are not together, so why would I need to stand by you?”

He took the opportunity to make you feel bad, and there was no need for him to have done that.

Sorry for the late reply, I’ve been busy getting everything sorted ready for the kids coming back and doing the school runs 😊

Yeah I did feel anxious and didn’t really say much when he asked why I’d moved away. It is far too soon for me to be acting like everything is fine but yeah he clearly has had more time to process things than I have and it absolutely shows, especially at things like today!

I was perfectly amicable but felt the pit in my stomach when he came over to where me and my dad were standing watching.

So, let’s just clarify…. you were standing not with him (understandably!), he came over to where you were (for his own social safety, presumably?), you moved away, (frankly better then publicly punching him in the There We Are Then face!), and he got arsy because you moved away from him?! 😂 And he calls YOU controlling?!

He genuinely does not have a clue about what you may be feeling, does he?

Have a lovely evening with the kids this evening!

So he wanted to play the good guy in front of others?

Well fuck that. I wouldn’t have stood with him either. You don’t need to spend time in his company at events to be a well functioning co-parent.

He sounds very controlling. Or at least attempting to, the realisation that any influence he had over you is severely lessened is now dawning on him.

Good 💪

You were standing with your dad & he still came over?

Should have asked him why!

This is everything 🙌