There We Are Then

[mummy917]

A follow on from my previous 3 threads; “my husband said he wanted to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided”.

I would say that this is a pretty accurate estimate, it certainly took me a year or so after 12 years with ex. But that wasnt a year of feeling like I did on day one, it was a year of going from utter devastation to total indifference, its a journey.

Been through some break ups with friends one stands out. He became a different person within months, she was left with a brand new baby.
It was horrific and we were so worried.
I honestly wondered if she’d get over it.
He was awful in every way.
And then a few years later we were having a meal and a guy at the next table started talking to her.
Their wedding was beautiful and they had two DC to add to her daughter.
We are a couple of decades on now and she still says her first DH leaving was the greatest gift. Her DH now is wonderful and my friend’s DD sees him as dad. Her father is the same arsehole he was when he left.

My tv recommendations, sex and the city, peep show (no functioning relationships to get upset about there), and the pit.

you’re doing great OP. form is temporary, class is permanent. You’re having a bad day, but you know you’re still incredible.

Amazing watch list being developed here! 😁
I think it’s wise to be aware of firsts as well. They always hit with a fresh slap. But that’s all they are- a sting, and over and then never again.

And there will be awesome firsts, too- things you’ve not been able to do with him that you can now enjoy!

Please don’t think you’re not doing brilliantly! I was a mess when my ex upped and left us (literally dropped the bombshell, went upstairs and packed a bag and left). I was so in love with him and never thought I’d get over it. I was so desperate to have him back that I let the arsehole use me as a fwb for a whole year afterwards, in a colossal act of self-harm. It broke my heart every time he left afterwards.

Eventually I just realised I had to rip the plaster off. Three years later I married my DH, and it was the best thing I ever did! We’re still blissfully married 20 years later.

Of course you’re going to miss him, and cry and get upset. Your life has been turned upside down! That doesn’t mean you’re not doing great, it means you’re human. Just give yourself all the self-care you can, whatever that looks like to you. x

You prob cried Wednesday as it was the start of your firstong period without the kids . It's just the first of everything op . The first Xmas will be hard first holiday it's normal to feel unsettled as it's the unknown x