There We Are Then

[mummy917]

A follow on from my previous 3 threads; “my husband said he wanted to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided”.

If you think the OP is a troll crack on and report the thread...

No, no, I don't think that! It's has the ex got a fair bit more money than he says??

I expect there are car seats for all the children in all the vehicles the family had/have.

We haven’t needed to buy extra car seats. Since we separated and have the kids at different times now, we just transfer the car seats at handovers. When we were together we had the 3 car seats in my car and used to just go out as a family in my car as it’s a 7 seater. The only time I’ve ever mentioned a van was when he hired one to move out of the family home and into the house he now lives in. It wasn’t his van and he doesn’t use a van for his job. He has a 5 seater car. Our 9 year old is taller than the height needed for a car seat and he sits in the middle of the back seats in his car and my car has 2 seats in the boot space with fold up and down as you need them. There’s a car seat either side of our eldest in ex's car and one in the front passenger seat with the airbag off. In mine, while our eldest is in the seat in the boot space, the twins sit in the back in car seats and my 4 year old in a car seat in the front passenger with the airbag off 😊

I wish I had time to sit and magic up all of this stuff I’ve talked about on this thread in order to be a troll, but unfortunately this is actually the reality me and my children are living at the moment.

Yeah he without a doubt has, he’s just selfish in what he will actually spend it on.

Massive apologies, to OP and anyone else managing 4 children. I can persuade my OH that MN is a real place. With real people. Struggling. 🌺

Sadly, you will always get sceptics. But truth really is stranger than fiction very often!

It’s been a godsend to me during these last 3 and a half months and I’d have been even more on the back foot if it wasn’t for amazing women (and the odd bloke), giving me their words of wisdom and support 😊

Ah, sorry. I thought he was questioning what we'd been told.

Edited to add - good point though. I think he definitely has more money than he claims. TWAT.

@mummy917 have any of the children mentioned what happened this morning? I imagine it was quite a horrible experience, especially for your eldest two. I imagine your eldest son at least must have an idea about how awfully his Dad is behaving which is really sad. Long term he’s going to realise what’s going on and resent him for it.

Is there a chance he would withhold the car seats? I wouldn’t put anything past him.

You're doing really well. My DH said he is the kind of man other men despise because he won’t provide basic things for his children and is being a There We Are Then, except he used the c word.

You should be asking for the full amount for the harnesses as he has stolen yours!

I agree with this!

He owes you the full fucking amount because now you have a set each that you paid for!

I think now is the time to lawyer up and let them be your pitbull, because you are struggling with it.

You’re absolutely doing the right thing sending/buying what they need, galling though it must be, subsidising this idiot. Same with the potties: the twins need consistency and not for this to become a ‘thing’. It’s no good him insisting on the toilet and possibly scaring or confusing them or them having loads of accidents because they can’t get to the toilet on time and him potentially getting cross. You’re doing what’s right for them. He really is a see you next Tuesday, though - and I really don’t use that word often, and, of course, you sending the potties is still no guarantee that he’ll do his bit. You can at least rest easy that you’ve done everything you can to support them. I think you’re amazing - I would struggle not to have have given him a huge piece of my mind by now, which wouldn’t help the situation at this stage.

I agree you’ve done the right thing providing the potties and harnesses because the children really do need those. It will be trickier with items which can’t easily be duplicated, or which end up at his on a school night and don’t make it to yours. I wonder if those with experience of that have tips on how to manage it?

Its allowed to say cunt on MN! And he really is one!

Don't take me wrong and this isn't a criticism of you, but why should you have to 'convince your OH that MN is 'real'? No one here gives a rat's arse about his opinion of MN or what he thinks is 'real' here. And neither should you. He doesn't need to 'approve' of what you read or scroll on the webz.

(Sorry, OP, I'm doing a wee bit of derailing here, but I had to get it off my chest)

I couldnt agree more

I’m glad it’s now the summer holidays so that uniform is having to be sent back and forth to his house as that was something which was a battle to get back so I had plenty here for my days.

Yeah my biggest concern is that the kids have consistency so if I need to send potties next week then I will, and I’ll know I’ve done all I can to continue with what I’ve started at home.

The divorce is underway already and having a lawyer isn’t suddenly going to start making Mr Twattimctwatface suddenly start behaving a sensible human being.
First step would be mediation if he will agree to go, but I doubt he will go.
Op isn’t struggling with it, she’s putting her children’s needs first and recording her ex’s total ineptitude, she had to buy the harnesses because otherwise it would have been unsafe for the twins, and she’ll send potties because the kids need consistency and their Dad won’t do it.
She’ll keep a record that she’s had to do it, at this stage is better to play the long game and be the more dependable person, whilst logging all his failings.
Bringing in a lawyer at this stage will just cost loads of money and achieve little.

I think @mummy917 is doing amazing. She’s getting a hard time for the harnesses and probably the pottys too but she has a good reason for both of those. She wants to ensure her children’s safety and consistency with th striker training. Yeah sure he is getting away with it and some controlling behaviour. However op is recording it all and has evidence so when he claims 50/50 it’s evident it’s really not.
@mummy917 well done for standing your ground at 7am. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting that. Enjoy the time with your children, don’t feel like you have to defend your actions all the time. You are doing your best in very tricky circumstances.

Just to prepare you, I still have the uniform issue (it getting 'lost' at my ex's house and me constantly having to replace it) even now it's years down the line and me and my ex are (finally) on good terms. But...you pick your battles.

You're doing absolutely amazingly 💐

Just had a thought re his "I told you I was bringing them back at 7am" message.

Reply: ' You don't get to "tell me" any more. We "agree" - that's how it works now. And we agreed 10am'.

There We Are Then.

I would send him a message now to say seeing as things that are given are not returned, you wanted to make him aware now that school uniform will not be coming to his unless it cannot be avoided (like after school collections) so he will need to get them uniforms for his house. Make him aware that his being incapable of returning things is now going to cost him. It also gives him plenty of notice so he can't make excuses for not having it come September.

You dont want to have to battle and keep replacing things because like with the mattresses and most likely with the backpacks, you will not see the money back and you cant afford to keep buying double the amount for his house and yours.

I think I’ll always have the uniform issue but hopefully it becomes easier in time.

I know my way of seeing things won’t be what everyone would do and that’s absolutely fine. I am just going with what I think is best for the kids at the moment. I will be mentioning mediation again next week though as I do think he will try and be funny when I go back to work.