There We Are Then

[mummy917]

A follow on from my previous 3 threads; “my husband said he wanted to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided”.

He can’t afford £4 for two potties! The dickhead hasn’t thought this through.
Honestly you’ve got two young twins and you didn’t think at some point they will need potties?

His problem.

He’ll learn quickly enough asking them to sit on the toilet isn’t a good idea.

Let him fail. That’s the best way for him to learn. And he can’t blame you either when it goes wrong

@mummy917 I hope your 4 year old doesn’t have a dolls potty at her Dad’s, especially if he doesn’t have any potties yet. My then 2 year old brother once decided instead of using his potty, to sit down and do a poo on my 5 year old sister’s dolls potty - she was not impressed and got extremely cross with him 😂🤣

Ha ha she doesn’t! She would also be absolutely furious if one of the twins decided to use it as their toilet though 🤣

I don’t think he has thought much through during this whole process. Nothing that requires any common sense at least.

He just comes across as acting like a 16 year old boy receiving his first paycheque from his weekend job. Grand ideas but very little common sense.

If he can barely afford to live now how is he going to budget for things like Christmas/Birthday presents etc (I’m assuming you were always the one to budget and buy presents for the kids). Also things like car servicing/repairs/tyres etc.

Yeah I’ve always been the one to sort out Christmas and birthday presents, same with MOT’s, services etc. I’ve already started buying bits for their birthdays and Christmas as their birthdays are in a few months and are all within the space of 5 weeks, then Christmas isn’t long after, so I have to be prepared. I’ll obviously not be buying as much as I have before, but I’ve always made sure the kids don’t go without and budgeted for everything.

I suspect he will just keep them in nappies for his own convenience, thinking it’s easier to let you do the potty training. He won’t realise that chopping and changing could cause real issues. I think the two best options are to wait until the end of the month when he gets the potties (hopefully) or, as PP suggested (and the better option, I think), tell him that you will keep them until he can get the necessary basic equipment for 2 yr old twins. As a side note, I potty trained my twins at different times. One seemed more ready than the other and then the second followed once they saw what their twin was up to. So, if you find double training stressful or not working so well, don’t be afraid to tackle them one at a time.

And please don’t be tempted to mark any of your presents as coming from Mummy and Daddy

I started to potty train my twins at the same time but my boy did it super quick and my girl was annoyed with her brother for getting it quick so regressed back into nappies just to make a point! Just saying this because they might not do it at the same time.

@mummy917

Indifference will come. It just takes time. You start with telling yourself you don't care when he or anyone says/does anything connected to him or your marriage (even if at the time you do) and just keep doing it until it becomes a reality.

And remember the old adage: "The dogs may bark, but the caravan passes on". So let him (or anyone else) bark, you just keep on moving forward. Let them choke on the dust your caravan leaves behind.

Aș far as the potty training, I hate to say it, but I wouldn't hold my breath for him to keep it up. I think at the first 'accident' he'll have them back in nappies. That'll be a lot 'easier' for him than getting them to sit on the pot and urging them to go, rinsing out pants, and cleaning up messes.

I do think that’s what will happen with my two as well. Boy twin seems more ready than girl twin so I’m hoping she will follow his lead. She will definitely want to wear the big girl knickers and stuff when I put the big boy pants on him 🤣 so she’ll make sure she’s getting involved!

I may just let him lend my potties so we can continue it while they’re with him from Wednesday next week. It’s not ideal, but I feel as though I’ve delayed it properly for a few weeks already, as I tried to establish it in the midst of all of this as boy twin has been showing signs for around a month. But with so much upheaval I postponed it, but feel I can’t anymore as I don’t want to miss this window now he’s ready.

It’s so frustrating, isn’t it? You may well need to be prepared for him refusing to hand the potties back. I had all this nonsense over money with my ex (it’s been 10 years and it still carries on). Any opportunity to screw me over, even for a few pence. And when the children suffer as a result (eg no potties) we’re the ones who give in. Why? Because they just don’t love the children as much as they want to get at us. Sad little there we are thens.

I have been lurking for a while but didn't have much to contribute apart from my support and admiration.
I would like to offer some reassurance though. My DD was definitely ready to potty train last summer but I was nursing a very ill family member who needed to live with us for end of life care. I just didn't feel i could manage potty training too. So I put it off for a few (several) months by which point she was far less interested. We ended up not doing a sudden switch as much as a negotiated process, she was 2.5 by now but it worked in the end. By 3 she was dry and then went dry at night a few months later.

Yes it’s extremely frustrating! But if he doesn’t hand them back, as annoying as that will be, I’ll just buy two more and then at least he can’t say he doesn’t have them at his house. So if he doesn’t continue with the potty training while he has them, he really will make him look like a lazy There We Are Then.

Ah thank you! That is more reassuring and puts my mind at ease if my ex decides not to continue it or be consistent with it when he has them.

If he does refuse to give the potties back, get him to say something in writing. It’s all evidence if needed.

Of course she was the one doing the budgeting because, if I remember correctly, she's 'controlling' 😉

Ha ha got it in one 🤣

If you go on the BBC site and look at local news - pick Manchester, there's a man on there who got a tattoo celebrating England's 2026 World Cup victory, it made me laugh and think of you 😂

I’ve found the fastest way is to strip the kids from the waste down, top them up a little (with ice blocks or a cup of apple juice if you don’t usually offer juice) and then hang out and get them as they are weeing! Not having anything to absorb the wee it’s a very quick transition!

I’ve also never met a little boy who didn’t like a nature wee (ie outside on a tree) or to make bubbles in the potty/loo, which you can do with a splash of dishwashing liquid.
good luck!

He totally jinxed it for the whole country!

At some point he’ll complain about how hard it is, having 4 children on his own.

Please be ready! Small pause, then- Really? Can’t say I’ve noticed any difference.

In fact, that’s your tag line- can’t say I’ve noticed. Can’t say it’s any different.

Though I’m making good use of the luxury of child free days!

A basic potty from Tesco costs a fiver FFS. What a nob.

Or sympathy ‘really? I guess you weren’t used to it’

Are you planning for your response when he asks shall we split Christmas presents or what are your ideas? Pause, look a little concerned, say I’ve done my Christmas shopping, I always budget for it through the year. We will each be doing presents at our place.

nip it in the bud you won’t be together and he gets to ride off your pile of presents. If daddy spent it all and can only afford a new £5 potty, that’s what they get from daddy.