There We Are Then

[mummy917]

A follow on from my previous 3 threads; “my husband said he wanted to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided”.

However you are supposed to take your youngest to have his haircut whilst simultaneously looking after the other 3 children? He has all weekend to have his haircut, this isn’t about the haircut.

And note it down for your custody mediation - agreed drop off time 10am, first Friday tried to bring forward by 3 hours.

There We Are Then.
Keep Notes Of Bullshit

This Friday is my day with them so he was initially planning on taking the youngest and oldest to get their hair cut when the eldest finished school. We agreed that going forward I’d take the girls for their hair cuts and he’d take the boys. But now, he’s needing to drop them off at 7am as he “wants to be there for it opening at half 7.” Where he goes has always opened early as it’s walk ins for before people go to work, you’ve never been able to book an appointment. I know it’s legit too as they have a Facebook page. However, it seems like it’s now a very convenient excuse to use on a Friday when they come back to me. He’s always been obsessive with his hair and got it cut every 2-3 weeks while we were together. However both our sons need theirs doing too as it’s been closer to 6 weeks since they went. No doubt something else that will fall to me in time.

I would have preferred to do mediation all along and I said this to him. Does he have to turn up to it if I book it? Cos we all know by now that he’ll be “too skint” to pay for any of it.

Also, he was going to initially drop them off at 10am on Friday then take the two boys to the barbers once our eldest finished school. He seemed to have no issue with it eating into his “time off” when he suggested it and said he wanted to take the eldest to school on Friday morning also. But that isn’t happening now either.

This!

He’s testing the boundaries and just trying to get even for the 7am drop off he’s had. Petty, self centred, little man.

Stand firm and stick to the arrangement.

Edited: Oh, sorry, I see you have!! Well done!!

Can’t cope taking them for a haircut…. 🙄

I’m sure he’ll work out a way to get the boys’ hair cut during his time with them. There we are then 😊

Text book narcissist comment from your ex husband. Very manipulative, my ex does the same if things aren’t going his way and this is even when I’ve been so amicable.

The only reason I drop them to him at 7am on a Wednesday morning is because he has work, our 4 year old has nursery and our son has school, and the twins need to be there so his mum can come to look after them. It’s also a trial run for when I will be back to work in 2 weeks and will be dropping them off about 6:15am as I need to be in handover for 7:20 and have to get changed into my uniform before heading onto the ward. I wanted the kids as used to this routine as possible before I need to be at work. He knows this is why too but is acting like I’m doing it for my own selfish reasons. The kids have had enough upheaval without feeling like there’s even more, if I started shoving them into the car at just gone 6 in the morning out of nowhere.

Oh, so, @mummy917 , what are you going to do? Leave their hair for a while? Drive home the point? Will he buckle eventually do you think?

He can’t take 2 but you are expected to take all 4?!

And he will also need to be in the swing of doing the school runs etc as I’ll be back to work and will be on shift before the school and nursery even open.

He asked for this. It’s his problem to solve.

Stay strong.

My hairdressers does have a barber that works there so I could take all 4, however I don’t want this to become the norm. The boys have always gone with their dad to get their hair cuts and it’s something they’ve enjoyed. I don’t see why that should change now.

God he’s a knob. Well done for saying no! Don’t cave. I’d try to ignore any pleading. If he keeps pestering, I’d just message that it’s clear mediation is required to sort out an arrangement he can actually stick to, but until that’s sorted, he needs to stick to the current agreement. Personally, I’d just say to him, ‘look, we’re separated; you are no longer entitled to regard me or my time as yours to make use of. If you don’t think you can cope with 50/50, say so now and we’ll come to a different agreement that you can stick to. Obviously, in a genuine emergency, i will do my utmost to be flexible, but things like haircuts and tattoos need to be scheduled in your free time, not mine.’

Yeah, I know. So, he’s getting a lie in! He’s just trying to even the score in his head!

Maybe next time it should be 06:15 for him to have a practice! 😂

I honestly just have no words for him. In a few weeks I won’t have a choice but to drop them off at the crack
of dawn before I head to work. I’d much rather do the school runs on a Wednesday morning than take them all to his for that time but needs must. Last week when I took them, they were washed, dressed, teeth brushed and had been fed and tomorrow will be the same. It’s not like he even has anything to do in that aspect.

Really doesn’t sound like he’s got his head round the basic concept of 50:50 parenting yet. Do you need to gift him an abacus???

I think you are going to have to set some clear boundaries as its an hour here, a couple hours there, an early drop off here.
I think you should say unless its an emergency, there needs to be some structure, for you, for him and for the kids. Why should the kids be dragged out of the house at 6:30am so he doesnt have to parent for a couple hours.

We agreed that going forward I’d take the girls for their hair cuts and he’d take the boys.

Have you got that in writing or screenshotted?
If so, append another note that it is now X weeks since the boys had a haircut and he is now going to the barbers himself but not taking them.

as @Missingducks said: Keep Notes Of Bullshit

The only thing I asked my exh to do for DS was to take him to the barber. Simply as I thought it was something nice for a little boy to do with his dad . After months of him not taking him and me having to do it he told my 5 yo ds that ‘I give your mummy money every week for stuff like haircuts but she spends it on rubbish for herself instead’
to add insult to injury he only pays £30ish a week and has ‘forgot’ to pay £300 worth since November

Yeah I’ve got it screenshotted that the hair cuts would remain the same as they had when we were together. Keep Notes of Bullshit is a great acronym. Not hard to remember either with an ex like There We Are Then.

He’s bringing them out so early on Friday to prove a point that if I can do it on a Wednesday, then so can he. Even though my reasoning is genuine and has their best interests at the centre of it. Can’t say the same for him.

That’s awful that he said that to your little boy, what a vile thing to do.

These men never fail to leave me speechless with their selfishness.

@mummy917 is he still insisting on bringing them back early on Friday despite you having plans?

No, not now. Well, he hasn’t replied since I said I was going out for a walk and wouldn’t be back until 10, but he was planning to bring them out really early. They’d have needed to be out of the house around 6:40 to get back to my house for 7. Surprising how he can do all of this so early if it means he can start his “free time” earlier, but he couldn’t drag his arse out of bed here to help with breakfasts or anything at all on a morning. But always found time to go to the loo for 40 mins.

I’m guessing they would come to you straight from bed, probably in pyjamas, unwashed and under lol

Unfed lol - phone did not like my choice of word 🙈