Husband said he wants to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided - part 2

[mummy917]

Made a new thread as the original one is almost full 😊rel

Unless he was "languishing" on purpose in order to avoid child maintenance payments....?
...in which case, yes, judge all you like lol x

Thank you, I’m just trying to do the best I can and trying not to fall to pieces, although I do feel better and stronger than I did a few weeks ago. It’s hit me again tonight that he only has one more full day here tomorrow and then that’s it. I never ever thought it’d come to this.

Just want to say - well done OP, you’ve come a long way.
I’m full of admiration for you! 💐

Thank you. The hardest part is starting today as he’s picking up the van he has hired so he will be starting to load that up today, ready for tomorrow.

All on his lonesome? Just looking for my tiny violin.

Yep still all by himself. Not sure where all these friends are all of a sudden

Good luck OP
Rooting for you and for your children too.
Take three deep belly breaths to help move you through tense times. Life will be better each day on.

So the people whose relationships he prioritised over having relationships with his own children and his own wife are nowhere to be found when he actually needs them. Sad.

What type of life is he going to have if his friends can’t even help him move a sofa? It’s good you are going to block him popping in.
There was a poster on here last year, no kids, but the DH said he was leaving and left her in shock.
Then he dragged it out over every issue.
Then found a flat five minutes from where they had lived together.
I can remember her posting that first evening when he had gone, absolutely in bits.
He knocked the next day - he didn’t know how to use the washing machine or what to put in it and was most perturbed that she wouldn’t go with him to help.
These men have absolutely no idea of the chaos they create.

Even worse they don’t care about the chaos or hurt they create. It is all about being able to do just what they want

This happened to my husband too. He now has no one. Very sad indeed.

OP you are doing so well. Yes you will wobble, it is normal and expected, but remember how strong you are and we are all here rooting for you.

Does he expect you to help him load the van? Hell would freeze over first!

OP can't possibly help him to load the van. After all, that would be controlling wouldn't it!

Some men dont want the responsibility of caring for children. My daughters ex was exactly the same. Instead of stepping up as a dad, he had an affair and left her with 3 children. Some 'men' are weak and cowardly. They dont mind making the babies but dont have the backbone for the responsibility. As hard as it is , you will get through it and will wonder what the hell you saw in such a spineless moron. Good luck

I’ve been “controlling” again because I’ve told him he’s got 2 hours to get out tomorrow and when he asked if he could come back on Monday for his washing machine, I said no it needs to be gone tomorrow, so I’m “controlling” for that too 🤣

I did the “There We Are Then” and he hated that I didn’t argue back or try to explain myself. He just continued repeating himself and ended up looking like a fool because I didn’t rise to it.

Absolutely fantastic! Well done, OP! Did he get 'there we are then'?

Well done. Keep in mind that he has caused all of this.

He is taking HIS washing machine! Does he even know how to use it? He really is a prince among men isn't he.

I’ve also told him that my biggest problem/mistake throughout our entire relationship was that I actually wanted him around. This seemed to stop him cold more than anything else I’ve said to him.

No hahaha which made it all the more enjoyable for me 🤣

He does know how to use one although I can’t remember when he last did it. Yes such a charmer.

So he's leaving his kids without a sofa to sit on, washing machine for their clean clothes or pans to cook their food. 🤬 It's a wonder he's not taken their breakfast cereal too.
I know you are replacing this stuff OP but what a really nasty piece of work he is. I'd be letting people in real life know this stuff too, to let them see his true self.

I see what he means by half and half now. He will take half of everything. Remains to be seen whether he will do half of everything.

The washing machine is one he’s been given from someone he knows, he’s not taking the family one.

I’ve spoken to my family and friends about what he’s taking and they all think he’s appalling too but at this point I just want him leaving to be as straightforward and smooth as possible.

I am finding today hard, watching him pack up his remaining things and things are so chaotic that I am realising once again that I have very little opportunity for head space or just an hour to try and get my head around things. Instead I’ve got screaming twins fighting, a 4 year old wanting things from me, food to cook, potty training to do, all while he’s upstairs trying to sort his shit out.

Today is a day I just don’t feel strong enough for this.