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Original poster

Husband said he wants to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided - part 2

954 replies

mummy917 · 17/06/2026 13:15

Made a new thread as the original one is almost full 😊rel

OP posts:
anotheruser124 · Today 08:48

TheScreen · Today 08:34

OP I'm glad he's agreed to the schedule. I think you're probably right his mum will be roped in but to be fair that's probably better for the kids even if it does let him off the hook.

Some of the comments on here suggesting you ask what about your time off to yourself etc Id not recommend.

So far you've done really well to keep it very child focused and I'd stick to that. Any discussion about contact keep it to "is that the best arrangement for the kids". You've already shown you're really good at this but I just wanted to reiterate it. Don't match his energy to try and show him he's selfish. He won't see it and it will just make you look bad too.

Same as asking about his share of the summer holidays. That's for him to work out.

This is why it's really good your suggestion has set days each week as you will both have to sort and pay for childcare on set days and there's no arguing over who needs to sort and pay for childcare. His days, his logistics to sort out.

The dropping eldest back on Sunday and then the kids later didn't at all fit with his supposed lack of petrol did it. 🙄 I agree it was definitely so he didn't have to juggle them all on his own. Again if he doesn't want to take them all and it's his Sunday and you are at work that is his responsibility to sort.

I did think that about its not OPs job to remind him for his days but then I did wonder if he would just shrug and go I havent sorted it and OP would be left scrambling because he takes zero responsibility. But I do agree his days are his job to sort.

I agree the 2 drop offs Sunday and saying about petrol make no sense and I think this was ridiculous and needs to be a one off, he cant pass parenting back in his time and I would want to ensure that didn't start happening all the time.

StandingDeskDisco · Today 09:13

mummy917 · Today 08:47

I said before he moved out that he needed to ensure he had plenty of clothes etc for the kids at his house and their drawers are full so he could’ve taken half and that’s what I encouraged, but short of packing them for him, I’m not sure what else I was supposed to do? He took some bedding for them and I wrongly assumed he had bought quilts and pillows. I don’t have a 2nd set of duvets and pillows here that we could’ve halved.

Yeah I think he’s aware that if he needs any childcare such as breakfast/after school childcare on his days, then he will need to fund that.

Text or message him to remind him that he is welcome to pack up and take his half of the DC toys and clothes. Or if you don't want him in the house, message to ask if he would like you to pack up the stuff for him, and ask what date will he be collecting.
That way you have recorded evidence of your offer.

As soon as you can afford to, buy two more duvets and pillow sets and offer him two of the existing ones to keep - again in writing so that you have evidence.
If he doesn't take them, at least you have a couple of spare sets which may come in handy.

Nessiesfoodprovider · Today 09:46

@mummy917 you are managing and negotiating your way through all of this with such dignity. I'm glad you are starting to feel angry.
You said everything is on WhatsApp. Download the conversation as well as screenshotting, as the other side can delete things.
A wee word of reality about a court order to get him to do his 50/50 etc. and bring them back on time. He will still do whatever he pleases despite what court or mediation agreement you come up with. I would be contacting child support or whatever they call themselves today and getting a claim started.
Embrace the anger and channel it effectively so it powers you rather than draining you.
You've got this!

Original poster
mummy917 · Today 11:39

Yes the anger I now feel will be put towards being productive and effective for the kids and me. I’m absolutely not willing to stand for his half baked excuses and rubbish anymore.

OP posts:
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