Ive been dating a guy for the past 6 weeks (although it feels much longer and things have moved fast and we do have strong feelings for each other already) but a few things have rang small alarm bells in my head and wanted to see wether others would think these are red flags
He looks at my phone when I’m texting and asks who I’m talking to
i noticed one night that he’d looked through my phone as it was open on messages that I hadn’t looked at in ages
He was messing around like play fighting with me and put his arm hard against my throat I got upset and did cry as my last relationship was a little violent at times and I suffered abuse as a child from my mums partner, he did seem upset though and apologised and said he was worried that he’d messed it up but since then he has been quite heavy handed and hurt me a few more times
He’s is a little bossy and will ask me to go in the Kitchen get him a drink etc or ask me to pass him something that’s right next to him
he likes to slap me in the face during sex or grab my throat but he knows I don’t mind this as long as it’s not too hard
He drinks quite a lot mostly every day- goes to bed with a can of alcohol
has thrown up in my garden a few times from being drunk (I did tell him the second time I didn’t like this as it bought back traumatic memories of my mum being an alcoholic) he did kind of apologise but also kind of turnt it round on me saying are you really gonna get funny about it and why didn’t you at least rub my back (I did the first time)
he used to be addicted to cocaine but has been clean 6 months
he’s really charming and gets along with everyone has lots of friends but when on a night one he met one of my friends and she said he’s really nice but said it seems “smoke and mirrors” and just go slowly/be careful
when on a night out another guy grabbed my arm to get me to sit back down (we were with a group of people we just met) and he got aggressive to him and nearly got in a fight”
he’s told me openly that his last relationship went downhill because of drink and drugs on both sides and it becoming toxic and it came to an end when they had a fight and they both became aggressive and he accidentally hurt her, he’s not seen his children since then as his ex moved away, he also openly said she has accused him of being controlling and coercive
He openly admits he struggles with jealousy and he sent aggressive texts to one of my clients that he saw was being a bit flirty and made him block me
On the flip side he’s very emotionally open with me and admitted he’s done lots wrong and has cried when talking about things he’s gone through
He checks on me through the day and we’ve seen each other mostly every day since we’ve met, he’s good with my children (yes he’s met them, when we met each other I was with my children) he gave spending money when i was taking my kids on holiday, brings flowers and is attentive and loving.
he tells me he just wants to be loved, says he’ll look after me and his dad says he’s got a good heart
I don’t know what to think and if I’m thinking too much of things?