Worried about possible red flags early dating?

[Sheshappy123]

Ive been dating a guy for the past 6 weeks (although it feels much longer and things have moved fast and we do have strong feelings for each other already) but a few things have rang small alarm bells in my head and wanted to see wether others would think these are red flags

He looks at my phone when I’m texting and asks who I’m talking to

i noticed one night that he’d looked through my phone as it was open on messages that I hadn’t looked at in ages

He was messing around like play fighting with me and put his arm hard against my throat I got upset and did cry as my last relationship was a little violent at times and I suffered abuse as a child from my mums partner, he did seem upset though and apologised and said he was worried that he’d messed it up but since then he has been quite heavy handed and hurt me a few more times

He’s is a little bossy and will ask me to go in the Kitchen get him a drink etc or ask me to pass him something that’s right next to him

he likes to slap me in the face during sex or grab my throat but he knows I don’t mind this as long as it’s not too hard

He drinks quite a lot mostly every day- goes to bed with a can of alcohol

has thrown up in my garden a few times from being drunk (I did tell him the second time I didn’t like this as it bought back traumatic memories of my mum being an alcoholic) he did kind of apologise but also kind of turnt it round on me saying are you really gonna get funny about it and why didn’t you at least rub my back (I did the first time)

he used to be addicted to cocaine but has been clean 6 months

he’s really charming and gets along with everyone has lots of friends but when on a night one he met one of my friends and she said he’s really nice but said it seems “smoke and mirrors” and just go slowly/be careful

when on a night out another guy grabbed my arm to get me to sit back down (we were with a group of people we just met) and he got aggressive to him and nearly got in a fight”

he’s told me openly that his last relationship went downhill because of drink and drugs on both sides and it becoming toxic and it came to an end when they had a fight and they both became aggressive and he accidentally hurt her, he’s not seen his children since then as his ex moved away, he also openly said she has accused him of being controlling and coercive

He openly admits he struggles with jealousy and he sent aggressive texts to one of my clients that he saw was being a bit flirty and made him block me

On the flip side he’s very emotionally open with me and admitted he’s done lots wrong and has cried when talking about things he’s gone through

He checks on me through the day and we’ve seen each other mostly every day since we’ve met, he’s good with my children (yes he’s met them, when we met each other I was with my children) he gave spending money when i was taking my kids on holiday, brings flowers and is attentive and loving.

he tells me he just wants to be loved, says he’ll look after me and his dad says he’s got a good heart

I don’t know what to think and if I’m thinking too much of things?

I’m sorry, I appreciate you want to be loved., but this isn’t love!
He isn’t ‘playing’ with you either, he’s testing boundaries… and so far yours are pretty non existent! The play fighting and the choking, and slapping you round the face is testing you… see what you’ll allow, he’s hurt you and you’ve cried, he’s apologised, but done similar a second time!! But you’ve stayed… this is after only 6 months?!….
Has he met your children? Please tell me he hasn’t met your children?? He’s off heroin but only for 6 months??…. And he’s replacing that addiction with alcohol.. drinking daily and throwing up repeatedly despite it upsetting you is. Arsed flag… but then gaslighting you because you’ve said you don’t like it… MASSIVE 🚩

There is absolutely no way on this planet I would allow an addict anywhere near my children!! 6 months clean is nothing! And his alcohol intake is alarming…

His jealousy and controlling nature is a concern.

Have you even done ‘Claire’s Law’ ? Sarah’s Law??

I’d be doing both on every man I dated and not letting them in my house or near my child until he’d been given the all clear… even then I would be running at the first sign of any coercive / controlling behaviour… him checking your phone is a no from me… get out… him ‘playing’ at choking you is him showing you exactly who he is!! He clearly has fantasies about choking / slapping women….
YOU KNOW this man a dangerous - that’s why you’ve posted!! Please don’t stay, leave before your feelings grow even stronger, before he hurts you, before he starts using cocaine again and turns up and looses it - makes your kids orphans! Hits you infront of then….

PLEASE get out, you aren’t just ignoring one red flag, you’re ignoring loads.

I know you love your children, but you are NOT putting them first! Bringing an addict into their life ‘because you want to feel loved’ is incredibly irresponsible and selfish!

and as I said, 6 months clean is still early days… and actually he’s not clean because he’s replaced it with excessive drinking,
Don’t ignore your gut, don’t romanticise this as ‘just jealousy because he cares!’ The longer you stay, the more feelings you develop, the more boundaries he crosses and you forgive again and again… he will slowly increase this behaviour, slowly ramp it up, blame you like he did when he flipped the puking and made it about you not rubbing his back! This will increase until everything is your fault! And you’ll probably believe it! You already believe his strangling you was ‘just’ playing around, even though he hurt and scared you, and made you cry! You’ve told him about your trauma about your mum being an alcoholic but yet he continues getting so drunk he pukes! Wake up @Sheshappy123 - this isn’t a loving relationship developing, don’t be fooled by the amazing times, because the warning signs are more important to take notice of! One bad day and your children are orphans

I’m sorry, I appreciate you want to be loved., but this isn’t love!
He isn’t ‘playing’ with you either, he’s testing boundaries… and so far yours are pretty non existent! The play fighting and the choking, and slapping you round the face is testing you… see what you’ll allow, he’s hurt you and you’ve cried, he’s apologised, but done similar a second time!! But you’ve stayed… this is after only 6 months?!….
Has he met your children? Please tell me he hasn’t met your children?? He’s off heroin but only for 6 months??…. And he’s replacing that addiction with alcohol.. drinking daily and throwing up repeatedly despite it upsetting you is. Arsed flag… but then gaslighting you because you’ve said you don’t like it… MASSIVE 🚩

There is absolutely no way on this planet I would allow an addict anywhere near my children!! 6 months clean is nothing! And his alcohol intake is alarming…

His jealousy and controlling nature is a concern.

Have you even done ‘Claire’s Law’ ? Sarah’s Law??

I’d be doing both on every man I dated and not letting them in my house or near my child until he’d been given the all clear… even then I would be running at the first sign of any coercive / controlling behaviour… him checking your phone is a no from me… get out… him ‘playing’ at choking you is him showing you exactly who he is!! He clearly has fantasies about choking / slapping women….
YOU KNOW this man a dangerous - that’s why you’ve posted!! Please don’t stay, leave before your feelings grow even stronger, before he hurts you, before he starts using cocaine again and turns up and looses it - makes your kids orphans! Hits you infront of then….

PLEASE get out, you aren’t just ignoring one red flag, you’re ignoring loads.

I know you love your children, but you are NOT putting them first! Bringing an addict into their life ‘because you want to feel loved’ is incredibly irresponsible and selfish!

and as I said, 6 months clean is still early days… and actually he’s not clean because he’s replaced it with excessive drinking,
Don’t ignore your gut, don’t romanticise this as ‘just jealousy because he cares!’ The longer you stay, the more feelings you develop, the more boundaries he crosses and you forgive again and again… he will slowly increase this behaviour, slowly ramp it up, blame you like he did when he flipped the puking and made it about you not rubbing his back! This will increase until everything is your fault! And you’ll probably believe it! You already believe his strangling you was ‘just’ playing around, even though he hurt and scared you, and made you cry! You’ve told him about your trauma about your mum being an alcoholic but yet he continues getting so drunk he pukes! Wake up @Sheshappy123 - this isn’t a loving relationship developing, don’t be fooled by the amazing times, because the warning signs are more important to take notice of! One bad day and your children are orphans

I’m sorry, I appreciate you want to be loved., but this isn’t love!
He isn’t ‘playing’ with you either, he’s testing boundaries… and so far yours are pretty non existent! The play fighting and the choking, and slapping you round the face is testing you… see what you’ll allow, he’s hurt you and you’ve cried, he’s apologised, but done similar a second time!! But you’ve stayed… this is after only 6 months?!….
Has he met your children? Please tell me he hasn’t met your children?? He’s off heroin but only for 6 months??…. And he’s replacing that addiction with alcohol.. drinking daily and throwing up repeatedly despite it upsetting you is. Arsed flag… but then gaslighting you because you’ve said you don’t like it… MASSIVE 🚩

There is absolutely no way on this planet I would allow an addict anywhere near my children!! 6 months clean is nothing! And his alcohol intake is alarming…

His jealousy and controlling nature is a concern.

Have you even done ‘Claire’s Law’ ? Sarah’s Law??

I’d be doing both on every man I dated and not letting them in my house or near my child until he’d been given the all clear… even then I would be running at the first sign of any coercive / controlling behaviour… him checking your phone is a no from me… get out… him ‘playing’ at choking you is him showing you exactly who he is!! He clearly has fantasies about choking / slapping women….
YOU KNOW this man a dangerous - that’s why you’ve posted!! Please don’t stay, leave before your feelings grow even stronger, before he hurts you, before he starts using cocaine again and turns up and looses it - makes your kids orphans! Hits you infront of then….

PLEASE get out, you aren’t just ignoring one red flag, you’re ignoring loads.

I know you love your children, but you are NOT putting them first! Bringing an addict into their life ‘because you want to feel loved’ is incredibly irresponsible and selfish!

and as I said, 6 months clean is still early days… and actually he’s not clean because he’s replaced it with excessive drinking,
Don’t ignore your gut, don’t romanticise this as ‘just jealousy because he cares!’ The longer you stay, the more feelings you develop, the more boundaries he crosses and you forgive again and again… he will slowly increase this behaviour, slowly ramp it up, blame you like he did when he flipped the puking and made it about you not rubbing his back! This will increase until everything is your fault! And you’ll probably believe it! You already believe his strangling you was ‘just’ playing around, even though he hurt and scared you, and made you cry! You’ve told him about your trauma about your mum being an alcoholic but yet he continues getting so drunk he pukes! Wake up @Sheshappy123 - this isn’t a loving relationship developing, don’t be fooled by the amazing times, because the warning signs are more important to take notice of! One bad day and your children are orphans

I’m sorry, I appreciate you want to be loved., but this isn’t love!
He isn’t ‘playing’ with you either, he’s testing boundaries… and so far yours are pretty non existent! The play fighting and the choking, and slapping you round the face is testing you… see what you’ll allow, he’s hurt you and you’ve cried, he’s apologised, but done similar a second time!! But you’ve stayed… this is after only 6 months?!….
Has he met your children? Please tell me he hasn’t met your children?? He’s off heroin but only for 6 months??…. And he’s replacing that addiction with alcohol.. drinking daily and throwing up repeatedly despite it upsetting you is. Arsed flag… but then gaslighting you because you’ve said you don’t like it… MASSIVE 🚩

There is absolutely no way on this planet I would allow an addict anywhere near my children!! 6 months clean is nothing! And his alcohol intake is alarming…

His jealousy and controlling nature is a concern.

Have you even done ‘Claire’s Law’ ? Sarah’s Law??

I’d be doing both on every man I dated and not letting them in my house or near my child until he’d been given the all clear… even then I would be running at the first sign of any coercive / controlling behaviour… him checking your phone is a no from me… get out… him ‘playing’ at choking you is him showing you exactly who he is!! He clearly has fantasies about choking / slapping women….
YOU KNOW this man a dangerous - that’s why you’ve posted!! Please don’t stay, leave before your feelings grow even stronger, before he hurts you, before he starts using cocaine again and turns up and looses it - makes your kids orphans! Hits you infront of then….

PLEASE get out, you aren’t just ignoring one red flag, you’re ignoring loads.

I know you love your children, but you are NOT putting them first! Bringing an addict into their life ‘because you want to feel loved’ is incredibly irresponsible and selfish!

and as I said, 6 months clean is still early days… and actually he’s not clean because he’s replaced it with excessive drinking,
Don’t ignore your gut, don’t romanticise this as ‘just jealousy because he cares!’ The longer you stay, the more feelings you develop, the more boundaries he crosses and you forgive again and again… he will slowly increase this behaviour, slowly ramp it up, blame you like he did when he flipped the puking and made it about you not rubbing his back! This will increase until everything is your fault! And you’ll probably believe it! You already believe his strangling you was ‘just’ playing around, even though he hurt and scared you, and made you cry! You’ve told him about your trauma about your mum being an alcoholic but yet he continues getting so drunk he pukes! Wake up @Sheshappy123 - this isn’t a loving relationship developing, don’t be fooled by the amazing times, because the warning signs are more important to take notice of! One bad day and your children are orphans

I’m sorry, I appreciate you want to be loved., but this isn’t love!
He isn’t ‘playing’ with you either, he’s testing boundaries… and so far yours are pretty non existent! The play fighting and the choking, and slapping you round the face is testing you… see what you’ll allow, he’s hurt you and you’ve cried, he’s apologised, but done similar a second time!! But you’ve stayed… this is after only 6 months?!….
Has he met your children? Please tell me he hasn’t met your children?? He’s off heroin but only for 6 months??…. And he’s replacing that addiction with alcohol.. drinking daily and throwing up repeatedly despite it upsetting you is. Arsed flag… but then gaslighting you because you’ve said you don’t like it… MASSIVE 🚩

There is absolutely no way on this planet I would allow an addict anywhere near my children!! 6 months clean is nothing! And his alcohol intake is alarming…

His jealousy and controlling nature is a concern.

Have you even done ‘Claire’s Law’ ? Sarah’s Law??

I’d be doing both on every man I dated and not letting them in my house or near my child until he’d been given the all clear… even then I would be running at the first sign of any coercive / controlling behaviour… him checking your phone is a no from me… get out… him ‘playing’ at choking you is him showing you exactly who he is!! He clearly has fantasies about choking / slapping women….
YOU KNOW this man a dangerous - that’s why you’ve posted!! Please don’t stay, leave before your feelings grow even stronger, before he hurts you, before he starts using cocaine again and turns up and looses it - makes your kids orphans! Hits you infront of then….

PLEASE get out, you aren’t just ignoring one red flag, you’re ignoring loads.

I know you love your children, but you are NOT putting them first! Bringing an addict into their life ‘because you want to feel loved’ is incredibly irresponsible and selfish!

and as I said, 6 months clean is still early days… and actually he’s not clean because he’s replaced it with excessive drinking,
Don’t ignore your gut, don’t romanticise this as ‘just jealousy because he cares!’ The longer you stay, the more feelings you develop, the more boundaries he crosses and you forgive again and again… he will slowly increase this behaviour, slowly ramp it up, blame you like he did when he flipped the puking and made it about you not rubbing his back! This will increase until everything is your fault! And you’ll probably believe it! You already believe his strangling you was ‘just’ playing around, even though he hurt and scared you, and made you cry! You’ve told him about your trauma about your mum being an alcoholic but yet he continues getting so drunk he pukes! Wake up @Sheshappy123 - this isn’t a loving relationship developing, don’t be fooled by the amazing times, because the warning signs are more important to take notice of! One bad day and your children are orphans

I’m sorry, I appreciate you want to be loved., but this isn’t love!
He isn’t ‘playing’ with you either, he’s testing boundaries… and so far yours are pretty non existent! The play fighting and the choking, and slapping you round the face is testing you… see what you’ll allow, he’s hurt you and you’ve cried, he’s apologised, but done similar a second time!! But you’ve stayed… this is after only 6 months?!….
Has he met your children? Please tell me he hasn’t met your children?? He’s off heroin but only for 6 months??…. And he’s replacing that addiction with alcohol.. drinking daily and throwing up repeatedly despite it upsetting you is. Arsed flag… but then gaslighting you because you’ve said you don’t like it… MASSIVE 🚩

There is absolutely no way on this planet I would allow an addict anywhere near my children!! 6 months clean is nothing! And his alcohol intake is alarming…

His jealousy and controlling nature is a concern.

Have you even done ‘Claire’s Law’ ? Sarah’s Law??

I’d be doing both on every man I dated and not letting them in my house or near my child until he’d been given the all clear… even then I would be running at the first sign of any coercive / controlling behaviour… him checking your phone is a no from me… get out… him ‘playing’ at choking you is him showing you exactly who he is!! He clearly has fantasies about choking / slapping women….
YOU KNOW this man a dangerous - that’s why you’ve posted!! Please don’t stay, leave before your feelings grow even stronger, before he hurts you, before he starts using cocaine again and turns up and looses it - makes your kids orphans! Hits you infront of then….

PLEASE get out, you aren’t just ignoring one red flag, you’re ignoring loads.

I know you love your children, but you are NOT putting them first! Bringing an addict into their life ‘because you want to feel loved’ is incredibly irresponsible and selfish!

and as I said, 6 months clean is still early days… and actually he’s not clean because he’s replaced it with excessive drinking,
Don’t ignore your gut, don’t romanticise this as ‘just jealousy because he cares!’ The longer you stay, the more feelings you develop, the more boundaries he crosses and you forgive again and again… he will slowly increase this behaviour, slowly ramp it up, blame you like he did when he flipped the puking and made it about you not rubbing his back! This will increase until everything is your fault! And you’ll probably believe it! You already believe his strangling you was ‘just’ playing around, even though he hurt and scared you, and made you cry! You’ve told him about your trauma about your mum being an alcoholic but yet he continues getting so drunk he pukes! Wake up @Sheshappy123 - this isn’t a loving relationship developing, don’t be fooled by the amazing times, because the warning signs are more important to take notice of! One bad day and your children are orphans

I’m sorry, I appreciate you want to be loved., but this isn’t love!
He isn’t ‘playing’ with you either, he’s testing boundaries… and so far yours are pretty non existent! The play fighting and the choking, and slapping you round the face is testing you… see what you’ll allow, he’s hurt you and you’ve cried, he’s apologised, but done similar a second time!! But you’ve stayed… this is after only 6 months?!….
Has he met your children? Please tell me he hasn’t met your children?? He’s off heroin but only for 6 months??…. And he’s replacing that addiction with alcohol.. drinking daily and throwing up repeatedly despite it upsetting you is. Arsed flag… but then gaslighting you because you’ve said you don’t like it… MASSIVE 🚩

There is absolutely no way on this planet I would allow an addict anywhere near my children!! 6 months clean is nothing! And his alcohol intake is alarming…

His jealousy and controlling nature is a concern.

Have you even done ‘Claire’s Law’ ? Sarah’s Law??

I’d be doing both on every man I dated and not letting them in my house or near my child until he’d been given the all clear… even then I would be running at the first sign of any coercive / controlling behaviour… him checking your phone is a no from me… get out… him ‘playing’ at choking you is him showing you exactly who he is!! He clearly has fantasies about choking / slapping women….
YOU KNOW this man a dangerous - that’s why you’ve posted!! Please don’t stay, leave before your feelings grow even stronger, before he hurts you, before he starts using cocaine again and turns up and looses it - makes your kids orphans! Hits you infront of then….

PLEASE get out, you aren’t just ignoring one red flag, you’re ignoring loads.

I know you love your children, but you are NOT putting them first! Bringing an addict into their life ‘because you want to feel loved’ is incredibly irresponsible and selfish!

and as I said, 6 months clean is still early days… and actually he’s not clean because he’s replaced it with excessive drinking,
Don’t ignore your gut, don’t romanticise this as ‘just jealousy because he cares!’ The longer you stay, the more feelings you develop, the more boundaries he crosses and you forgive again and again… he will slowly increase this behaviour, slowly ramp it up, blame you like he did when he flipped the puking and made it about you not rubbing his back! This will increase until everything is your fault! And you’ll probably believe it! You already believe his strangling you was ‘just’ playing around, even though he hurt and scared you, and made you cry! You’ve told him about your trauma about your mum being an alcoholic but yet he continues getting so drunk he pukes! Wake up @Sheshappy123 - this isn’t a loving relationship developing, don’t be fooled by the amazing times, because the warning signs are more important to take notice of! One bad day and your children are orphans

I’m sorry, I appreciate you want to be loved., but this isn’t love!
He isn’t ‘playing’ with you either, he’s testing boundaries… and so far yours are pretty non existent! The play fighting and the choking, and slapping you round the face is testing you… see what you’ll allow, he’s hurt you and you’ve cried, he’s apologised, but done similar a second time!! But you’ve stayed… this is after only 6 months?!….
Has he met your children? Please tell me he hasn’t met your children?? He’s off heroin but only for 6 months??…. And he’s replacing that addiction with alcohol.. drinking daily and throwing up repeatedly despite it upsetting you is. Arsed flag… but then gaslighting you because you’ve said you don’t like it… MASSIVE 🚩

There is absolutely no way on this planet I would allow an addict anywhere near my children!! 6 months clean is nothing! And his alcohol intake is alarming…

His jealousy and controlling nature is a concern.

Have you even done ‘Claire’s Law’ ? Sarah’s Law??

I’d be doing both on every man I dated and not letting them in my house or near my child until he’d been given the all clear… even then I would be running at the first sign of any coercive / controlling behaviour… him checking your phone is a no from me… get out… him ‘playing’ at choking you is him showing you exactly who he is!! He clearly has fantasies about choking / slapping women….
YOU KNOW this man a dangerous - that’s why you’ve posted!! Please don’t stay, leave before your feelings grow even stronger, before he hurts you, before he starts using cocaine again and turns up and looses it - makes your kids orphans! Hits you infront of then….

PLEASE get out, you aren’t just ignoring one red flag, you’re ignoring loads.

I know you love your children, but you are NOT putting them first! Bringing an addict into their life ‘because you want to feel loved’ is incredibly irresponsible and selfish!

and as I said, 6 months clean is still early days… and actually he’s not clean because he’s replaced it with excessive drinking,
Don’t ignore your gut, don’t romanticise this as ‘just jealousy because he cares!’ The longer you stay, the more feelings you develop, the more boundaries he crosses and you forgive again and again… he will slowly increase this behaviour, slowly ramp it up, blame you like he did when he flipped the puking and made it about you not rubbing his back! This will increase until everything is your fault! And you’ll probably believe it! You already believe his strangling you was ‘just’ playing around, even though he hurt and scared you, and made you cry! You’ve told him about your trauma about your mum being an alcoholic but yet he continues getting so drunk he pukes! Wake up @Sheshappy123 - this isn’t a loving relationship developing, don’t be fooled by the amazing times, because the warning signs are more important to take notice of! One bad day and your children are orphans

I’m sorry, I appreciate you want to be loved., but this isn’t love!
He isn’t ‘playing’ with you either, he’s testing boundaries… and so far yours are pretty non existent! The play fighting and the choking, and slapping you round the face is testing you… see what you’ll allow, he’s hurt you and you’ve cried, he’s apologised, but done similar a second time!! But you’ve stayed… this is after only 6 months?!….
Has he met your children? Please tell me he hasn’t met your children?? He’s off heroin but only for 6 months??…. And he’s replacing that addiction with alcohol.. drinking daily and throwing up repeatedly despite it upsetting you is. Arsed flag… but then gaslighting you because you’ve said you don’t like it… MASSIVE 🚩

There is absolutely no way on this planet I would allow an addict anywhere near my children!! 6 months clean is nothing! And his alcohol intake is alarming…

His jealousy and controlling nature is a concern.

Have you even done ‘Claire’s Law’ ? Sarah’s Law??

I’d be doing both on every man I dated and not letting them in my house or near my child until he’d been given the all clear… even then I would be running at the first sign of any coercive / controlling behaviour… him checking your phone is a no from me… get out… him ‘playing’ at choking you is him showing you exactly who he is!! He clearly has fantasies about choking / slapping women….
YOU KNOW this man a dangerous - that’s why you’ve posted!! Please don’t stay, leave before your feelings grow even stronger, before he hurts you, before he starts using cocaine again and turns up and looses it - makes your kids orphans! Hits you infront of then….

PLEASE get out, you aren’t just ignoring one red flag, you’re ignoring loads.

I know you love your children, but you are NOT putting them first! Bringing an addict into their life ‘because you want to feel loved’ is incredibly irresponsible and selfish!

and as I said, 6 months clean is still early days… and actually he’s not clean because he’s replaced it with excessive drinking,
Don’t ignore your gut, don’t romanticise this as ‘just jealousy because he cares!’ The longer you stay, the more feelings you develop, the more boundaries he crosses and you forgive again and again… he will slowly increase this behaviour, slowly ramp it up, blame you like he did when he flipped the puking and made it about you not rubbing his back! This will increase until everything is your fault! And you’ll probably believe it! You already believe his strangling you was ‘just’ playing around, even though he hurt and scared you, and made you cry! You’ve told him about your trauma about your mum being an alcoholic but yet he continues getting so drunk he pukes! Wake up @Sheshappy123 - this isn’t a loving relationship developing, don’t be fooled by the amazing times, because the warning signs are more important to take notice of! One bad day and your children are orphans

I think he sounds great u should definitely have a baby with him

@T1Dmama The OP has written several updates giving further information , it might be helpful for you to read them if you are not able to read the full thread.

OP I’m not usually harsh , but for fuck sake what are you thinking ??? you are clearly not in a fit state to make decisions ….You have brought an alcoholic abuser into your children’s life’s. What the hell is wrong with you. Are you trying to fuck them up for life. Get some therapy and get some bloody self respect and don’t let this pig treat you like nothing . Your kids deserve better. Stop endangering them . Read back what you have written , it’s horrific and disgusting and you need to do better . This will not end well .

As everyone else has said run and run fast....This man sounds dangerous..You have children that need keeping safe and away from this man. He is clearly grooming you? Why are you allowing this relationship to move so fast? As for checking your phone, hurting you, rough sex if a friend told you that her partner was doing these things to her would you think that was OK? There is obviously a serious issue with your self esteem but you deserve so much more than this...6 weeks in and this is your lot..No, No, No get rid of this monster before he hurts you & the children for real..

I’m stunned and sad that you even have to ask. It sounds like this is all quite normal behaviour for you.
Get rid of him before he really does some serious damage because he will.
The writing is on the wall loud and clear.

Thank you for all the responses I’m reading through them all I truly appreciate all of the advice.

One thing I didn’t mention was that none of these behaviours happen when he is completely sober and not had a drink he's like a very different person, so gentle with me and sweet which is why I think im finding it hard to see all of the red flags and finding it difficult to see him as a bad person.

He is also fighting hard to see his children and has spent lots if time and money on lawyers, I’ve seen him completely break down multiple times because he misses them

@Sheshappy123Is there a court order preventing him from seeing them and if so why ? If his ex is preventing him why ?

So all it takes will be one drink too many and he kills you
Not worth it is it?

@Victoriawould24 no not as far as I know there isn’t, from what I understand she’s doing it to be spiteful and he isn’t sure where her new address is so is finding it difficult as he says the letter he needs to send through the lawyer he needs to know her fixed address

@Sheshappy123You sound hell bent on defending him now and I am very sad for you and your children. I say this as someone that brought an abuser into my children’s lives and I have to live with that guilt every day because I can’t undo it.
It had some very traumatic childhood events and could be funny and kind and tender too.
Nobody is all bad but that is not a reason to bring this damage into your family.

I’ve just read your posts @Sheshappy123

this is 6 weeks in and he:

• slaps you and holds your throat in sex.
• pins your throat with his arm
• invades your privacy on the phone
• gets drunk enough to throw up in your garden
• picks a fight - or tries to - with a legitimate contact of yours
• wants to know what you’re doing all the time
• is addicted to coke, drinks too much
• banned from seeing his kids

your green flags aren’t even fully green. Every abusive motherfucker is charming, how do you think they attract their victims?

My love, you grew up in an abusive environment, you’ve had abusive relationships. You’re so so so vulnerable to predators. Unbelievably so. This isn’t your fault, but it’s your job to fix it.

Your comments about being a normal person who “just wants love” really resonates. It’s this desire, this painful plea to the universe that is the beacon call to those who will exploit your need to be loved.

therapy will teach you to spot signs, to establish boundaries and to keep them. This will provide you with something I like to think of as a forcefield of protection that keeps away all those looking to take advantage of your kindness and love. Therapy will make you a stronger person, a better person and better mum to your kids. It’ll show you that it’s not you that broke this, but it’s you who has the power to fix it.

ive walked in your exact shoes. I did the work, im now about to marry my lovely partner of 10 years who is SO kind, so sweet and gentle, a real equal. He champions me and lifts me up.

you can have this too for you, but not until you’ve fixed your vulnerabilities.

do this for you. Do this for your kids to show them what a good relationship looks like, so they can break the chain of misery that runs through your family.

bin him TODAY. Your life depends on it. If he’s like this in 6wks, he will escalate to more extreme violence.

Op no woman shields their children from a violent alcoholic for no reason. Single mums are tired, if there’s a reliable dad, we’re making them do their share. This man has been removed from his family and his children withheld because their mum knows he is an absolute liability. You can see this yourself and choosing to believe him over your own eyes and experience of him. Since his problems are alcohol based, tell him you can stay together if he stops drinking and you’ll see exactly how committed he is. I’ll give him 2 days max. NEVER BELIEVE WHAT ANYONE SAYS…BELIEVE WHAT THEY SHOW YOU

They ALL say that.

she’s run and hidden from him.

They’re not possible red flags.
They ARE red flags. He is abusive and you absolutely should end the relationship and stop all contact.

He sounds like a keeper x

JFC