Continuing AIBU thread 3

[PithyBeaker]

More of the same, and thanks for your support

Omg how did I miss this 😭
That is quality 👌

@PithyBeaker I hope you are doing well. No need for an update , just sending happy thoughts your way.

Same here, I hope you and your son enjoyed your holiday in Paris.

Hi @PithyBeaker , really hope you are more settled now, and happy.

Seconded

Have also been wondering how you are @PithyBeaker.

It's his turn with the children this weekend (I think?) so I'm hoping he has settled into his new regime and isn't badgering you. Hope you and your DS are enjoying your clean and peaceful home and that you have a great weekend 💐

Hi, thanks all for the kind well-wishes. I’m not great tbh but have just turned the corner into luteal so expect that has a lot to do with it. Everyone who advised me to sever contact, you’ll all be vindicated to hear that continuing to be in contact w him is officially making me v unhappy and I wish I had cut contact before. Live and learn. He continues the narrative of: I was a loving boyfriend that you kicked out because you have PTSD. You had a loving boyfriend who would have done anything to make you happy if only he had known how you were feeling. The kids love and miss you. Etc. I even woke up this morning to messages from his mother telling me she understands I have PtSD and is praying for me to see sense (paraphrasing but you get the gist). FML. Feeling really miserable and lonely. I have lost all perspective. I feel like he has almost convinced me this is all my fault and I’m doomed to be unhappy bc I squandered this opportunity. Then I remember: wait, I told you I felt like your lowest priority and you scoffed, rolled your eyes, told me it wasn’t true and got on w your day, not lifting a finger to change anything. Frankly, I think if I hadn’t been so fucked up and used to such a fucked up model of love, I wouldn’t have stayed so long. Doesn’t make the loneliness go away though.

To paraphrase "better to be lonely than with the wrong person".

This same old shit that he keeps sending just shows how nasty/manipulative he is imo.

Tell him you are putting anything of his outside for him to pick up. Then block him. And then if doesn’t come put his stuff in the bin.

Cut him off, OP. He's being very manipulative.

Time for him to get his stuff and fuck off permanently. I was very much in the give him time to get sorted camp, but now he’s getting his mother involved . I’d block her pronto.

Oh @PithyBeaker I'm sorry you're feeling low, and that he's continuing to behave so manipulatively (I mean, come on, getting his MUM to do his dirty work??). But if you look back to your first few posts you were at the end of your tether and he was choosing to ignore that, not to contribute anything to the household - or the relationship - in terms of time, effort and money.

I hope you had a good time in Paris. Remind us, when does the sailing start? It's bloody freezing here today so I hope not yet!

Has he taken the rest of his stuff yet Pithy? It would probably be better for you if you could just leave it all behind you and stop having to listen to his manipulative narrative because it isn’t helping. It’s not true and it’s not allowing you to move on. Moving on is what will make you happy ultimately. So the sooner he can take his stuff and get out of your life the better 💐

So have you blocked him now @PithyBeaker , if not do so , he is making you feel worse .

Block block block block block and block.

@PithyBeaker I think we doubt ourselves because it's ingrained deeply into us from childhood that our version of things is easily dismissed. To some extent, because that's natural to us, we don't bat an eyelid when confronted with it in relationships.

I promise you, it's worth waiting for someone who shares your version of reality. And until then, guess who you can trust to do that? Yourself. I hope one good thing to come out of this eventually will be more reliance on your own judgement and instincts. Yours seem pretty sound.

When I finally met DH#2, I realised my bullshit detector had been right all through my life. I just never credited myself with that, and overrode it too often.

It's harder to see what's really going on when Ur in the centre of it. U wanted to believe he's a good guy because u loved the "nice" him. Anyway it really is time now to completely cut contact with him. Get his stuff out or set that deadline now. Then once it's out, block him/his mum etc etc and join a club, go to a good local church, get to know new people and start building a new life for yourself. Having a clean break will really be easier on ur MH now. He's just hurting you till he gets back into your house so he can use u all over again 🤮 He doesn't want a relationship with you outside living in your house. He is truly awful OP. U just need to start building up and new life outside of him.

Nice bit of triangulation happening there op. His mum makes a great flying monkey.

I'm sorry things are so difficult right now op. He really is doing everything he can to reel you back in. Remember how much better than all of this nonsense you are! Think about the great example you're setting for your son in staying away from this pos.

Revisit us with our objective bullshit detectors. And be nice to yourself, this is hard. But going back to your previous setup would be harder on you and your dc. 💪💐

Ah, bless you. He’s totally going by the handbook of nasty manipulative shits, while you are following the handbook of ‘let’s be civilised’.

I’m really sorry that you’re feel low, however… you can surely be in no doubt now that this isn’t someone safe to keep in your life. He’s trampled roughshod over you and is claiming it’s your fault.

Having been given every chance to prove himself decent, he’s actually proven himself morally bankrupt.

Surely that means you can block him now? Sharing your mental health history with his mother, to deflect from his own behaviour! What a shit.

Impossible to see clearly when I’m in the centre of it. You’re so right.

I Know. It’s like, really? Did you also tell her you used to call me a cunt and roll eyes at me whenever I expressed unhappiness? Or are you just so desperate to avoid self examining and or need to be the hero and martyr in your family’s eyes, putting up w the psycho PTSD gf who threw you out with no warning

I'm sure it would be a bad idea but I'd be SO tempted to reply to his mum along those lines, @PithyBeaker !

Text his mum back and say, “hello, thank you for your concern about my well-being. Sadly, your son called me a cunt, gamed into the night and let his children drop their wrappers all over my house. I appreciate your prayers but suggest you direct them at your son; he needs to learn how to respect women”.